FAQ

When our good friend God was asked questions by the true believers, he seldom listened. In fact, even when he did the whole burning bush routine, he just told dirty jokes. What a pervert. Well, you'll be spendid to know that we've picked up where God left off. Here we'll answer some of your most frequently asked questions.

Q: Where does GodCo come from?
A: GodCo comes from the depths of your soul and wallet.

Q: I can't view your page!
A: That's a shame. Try adjusting your browser settings.

Q: How do I send you email?
A: Hmm, that's a toughy. The only advice I can give you is to try reaching us through prayer Monday-Thursday.

Q: Can you tell me where the yeti lives?
A: Since the dawn of man, Christians have been searching for the legendary yeti. Truth be told, there is no yeti, in fact, it's silly to believe in such things you have no proof of, just in blind faith. Oh, except the Bible, that's different, obviously.

Q: I heard if you play the Bible backwards, a secret message is played. Is this true?
A: Absolutely not, although, if you read the Bible while watching the Batman movies, there are eerie similarities between Alfred and the Virgin Mary. Of course, this all stems back to the theory the Alfred is Batman's true mother... he is kinda fruity.

Q: How many ping-pong balls can you fit in that thing?
A: Good question... very good question. The answer is yes.

Q: Was Jesus really a transvestite?
A: A hotly debated issue. Was Jesus a little more girly than we think? Co-founder Josh theorizes that the answer lies deep with DNA samples on Jesus's magic shroud.

Q: Konban Wa
A: Ee, okagesama de.

Q: You have no prices listed in your products section.
A: That's not a question, dammit. Go to hell.

Q: The Bible seems to contradict itself quite a bit, what are your thoughts on this?
A: There are more ingredients in Tic Tacs than Total Cereal, and when you think about it, is that really right? Now that's contradictory.

Q: Is Ricki Lake a Nazi?
A: Short Answer, St. Peter once lectured his disciples that it is better to eat with an open mouth than to shun with open arms. These values are still upheld today, regardless of race, creed, color, or religion... except Jews and Hindus. Long answer, yes.

Q: Lately I've been considering a life of Buddhism... is there anything you can say to convince me to believe in a burning bush?
A: God is far more marketable. When's the last time you saw a Buddha Blowfish? Or a Hindu Hippo? Never... Christianity is the one true religion, despite it being the newest.

Q: Didn't the Perfect Storm suck?
A: Yes.

Q: Is Harry Potter a tool of the devil?
A: After careful analysis, our hardworking employee have concluded that yes, it is a tool of the devil... much like the screwdriver, or possibly the pitchfork.

Q: Where does God live? I still don't see his address.
A: How thoughtless of us, God can be reac.... ah, cross country skiing is the world's greatest indoor sport.

Q: A friend recently told me my chronic masturbation would lead me down the road to eternal damnation, is this true?
A: Heathen! Semen has no place on God's walls! Or in his showers...

Q: I hear heaven is really neat.
A: And?

Q: My friend Rachel told me that heaven is 10^27 times greater than anything on earth. Is she right?
A: Well, scientific research suggests that heaven is more comparable to 2^3.141592687 times greater than anything on Earth.

Q: I'm Rachel and I'm a stupid poop head.
A: Welcome back, Rachel. We were waiting for you to realize that you're a stupid poop head.

Q: If Jesus is flying a hang-glider at 30 miles per hour heading backwards, and Confucius is on a plane heading up at 300 miles per hour, how long until the two trains collide in a horrible massacre killing hundreds of people and destroying thousands of families?
A: Well, your whole scenario is throw off by the simple fact that many boats cannot run on dry land.

Q: Is it McDonald's or MacDonald's?
A: Contrary to popular belief, it is pronounced with a "sh" sound.

Q: What kind of music does God listen to?
A: Ska. He also says boy bands are the used by the devil as a comparison to who is more attractive- Jesus Christ or JC.

Q: What does the "H" stand for in Jesus H Christ?
A: Stewart.

Q: Where'd the other two-thirds of him go? That's not humanly possible!
A: Are you referring to Jesus, or something you saw on the Playboy channel? Well, the true answer in any case is that God is the only God who owns real estate in Delaware and New Jersey.