GodCo

Man Loses Limb in accident; GodCo Still in Court

WASHINGTON, DC--- As the first week in the landmark anti-trust suit against controversial website GodCo draws to a close, it is apparent even to the uneductaed their chances of winning are slim.

"It's in the bag," says Elliott DiGuiseppi, on trial along with associate Josh Davis,"I've got a great feeling the outcome of this trial will be really really..." Elliott never finished his sentence.

When asked by reporters whether or not he was aware of the trial, Josh Davis wittily responded by saying that "I'm trying to think... I'm a genius... you forgot my period!" Experts believe the system of answering questions with jibberish is all part of an elaborate scheme designed to mock the court systems. As always, Elliott denies the charges.

"Jibberish? What jibberish? Scoobah dabbah deebah doobah timpani. And furthermore, Janet Reno's getting really bitchy, what's the deal with her? It's not like we're breaking the law. Talk about PMS! Hey Reno, here's a question: How many fingers am I holding up? Wrong.... 4 1/2! What do you mean that isn't possible? You're stupid." He then proceeded to give Josh a high five.

Attorney General Janet Reno defiled the moral integrity of the two entreprenuers, claiming that through forcive persuasion, GodCo was able to manipulate distributors into selling only GodCo merchandise. "That claim is totally unresearched and has absolutely nothing to do why we're really here. The fine members of the Supreme Court do not want to be bothered with your whinning, Ms Janet Reno, and we've all had enough. Right, guys? Right. This court has set out to prove that me and my good friend and business associate Elliott did not take any of Mr. Wonka's Oompah Loompah's and use them for personal gain. That, like Ms Reno's haircut, is completely absurd, and funny looking."

Janet in action

In a surprise move, Elliott (along with Josh acting as their own defense) called the Attorney General to the witness stand. After swearing to tell the truth on a GodCo brand "Choose Your Own Adventure" Bible, Elliott began to question her. "Now Janet, if a rooster lays an egg on the roof of a barn, and a train leaves Boston at 8AM traveling at 65 mph while at the same time a doctor gives you a bottle of three pills and tells you to take one every half hour, which way does the egg roll?" The Attorney General was without answer. "Ladies, gentlemen, and Janet Reno of the court. If the witness cannot even answer a simple question, how can she possibly be sure of what she's trying to convict us of? Hmm?"

The Judge Removed Elliott from the courtroom after he proceeded to chant "Nyah Nyah, I'm better than you are" to the Attorney General.

When asked for comment, Josh said "Nannie Nannie boo boo, stick your head in doo doo"