Chichi didn't think she had really smiled in ten years. The sweet faint odor of memories was difficult to forget. It was becoming harder everyday to put on that false, 'happy' look and go on with her life.
She looked into her mirror and twisted a band into her gray hair. 'Ugly gray hair that used to be graced by the color of a raven's feathers,' she thought bitterly, tugging it into a tight bun.
Ten whole years. Only ten years. Ten years that felt like ten centuries, yet with the hurt she had felt the day she lost him. It felt like and eon since she had seen him, touched his face lovingly, and whispered sweet things into his ear. "Goku," she said aloud. "My mate. And not only my mate but husband, love, and life. My whole life flew away on a dragon ten years ago."
No one needed her any longer. Goten, her youngest, was engaged to the lovely Paresu. She almost smiled even as pain under took her body. 'I always liked that girl,' she thought. 'Goten needs someone who can take care of him, protect him. Even if he is one of the strongest people on earth.'
'Paresu was never the brightest, but she was always willing to wrap her arms around my Goten when he was feeling bad.'
But in her mind she didn't leave out her hostile thoughts, the thoughts that nagged her that Paresu was taking away her baby, taking him away and being the new woman in his life. Leaving her cold and in the attic, only to be taken out to dust away the cobwebs every now and then.
She couldn't baby him though, and she knew it. Her was a grown man now, in his best form and a suitable husband. She just couldn't keep his wings clipped locked in a cage forever, even if it was lined with silver.
Her mind drifted from her soon to be wed son and onto her eldest. Gohan already had a wife and two kids. Pan had already gotten married to Trunks a year ago and now her stomach was like a big balloon, holding Chichi's first great-grandchild. 'Who knew that Pan would take a liking to Trunks? Who knew that me and Bulma would one day be in-laws?'
And not to forget little Jon, Gohan and Videl's second child. He was such a wise kid, and only going on six, though he would have seemed to be sixty if he didn't have that angelic look plastered to his face. He was wise in the way of the world, but he looked at it with the glass half full always. He had come to many conclusions through his observations, but all of them picked out the good in people.
He didn't have a major flaw either. Even if he was smart, he had a love for adventure. Chichi would never forget the look in his sky blue eyes when she told him about Goku's journeys. Sadly, he would never meet his grandfather, but he seemed to be happy anyway.
"I'll bet he's looking down on both of us right now and smiling!"
Chichi would nod and pat his head then go on with the story as he listened eagerly. 'I would like to spar with him sometime,' she thought. But inside she knew she couldn't. She was finally growing into that weak, fragile being everyone had always made her out to be. It was starting to become a chore to just survive the day.
And it was even more strenuous now that no one depended on her.
She picked up a picture on a table by the chair she was sitting in. She ran a finger down the side of her face as she looked at the freeze frame. Her youth had fully disappeared. No longer could she be that bitch with spunk.
And no longer could he be the only one that could make her melt.
Of course Goku was smiling. He had the same grin he shared with all his children, beaming up at her. "My Goku."
The same Goku who could make her cry laugh, scream or shout. Well, not the same Goku, it was after all only a piece of glossy paper, wedged into a wooden square.
His vocabulary wasn't very large and he certainly wasn't the sharpest tool in the box but he loved her. Loved her like no other man could ever do. Sometimes he made her feel like a goddess, as he revolved around the ground she stood on. And sometimes he neglected her, off to train Uub or fight whatever threat there was.
At times she would forgive him, and at times she'd just let the indifference and hurt build up inside her until she crumbled into dust. But he always came back, and when he did, she couldn't help but to love him again.
It pained her how he could overlook her so easily one moment, and be so intimate the next. It pissed her off how he came home and dropped clothes on the table, like he expected her to wash them. Always stay away, then come back home at night expecting a fresh meal on the table and clean clothes in the morning. It infuriated her.
And then he'd look at her and make her insides crumple down; make her hold onto his neck before she fell off the cliff. To her surprise, he would hold onto her, and make all her feelings for him boom up in a growth only matched by a bamboo tree.
She didn't like the say or think it, but sometimes she wished she could have fallen in love with someone else. A brilliant scholar or first class romantic, someone who would stay by her side forever. And then came Goku. None of those things but sure to melt one's heart. Her heart.
So all the things he would never be meant nothing, and all the bad things he was would never out-weigh the good. He was just too innocent to not love.
And Chichi had never underestimated what it meant when he was there with her, even if he was more gone than around. So many times she thought she had lost him and so many times she had fought to get him back, fought for him to stay with her. But she was too weak, even if she knew she's never love someone like she loved Goku again.
He had another love, the people of earth. She couldn't just deny him of it.
She watched the picture and wished he would jump out of it, saying "Hi Chichi!" with that big happy smile. She sighed sadly to herself as she realized she was actually expecting it. So many years, so many times he had left, and now he was gone for good. Gone forever. She was going crazy with expectations.
Champion of the earth he was. But champion of hers? True he would ride in like a knight in shining armor if she ever got hurt, but wouldn't he do the same to any of the people on earth? He said his life had passed before his eyes, was she ever in any of his flashbacks? Would she ever really know? Did she want to?
How many times did he run off to save the world? How many times would he give his life for everyone else's? Why couldn't he understand that every time he died, a part of her died with him? Someone once told her that life knows no answers, only questions. Heaven then, must hold all the solutions she had tried to sought out.
Like why Kami was so cruel.
And she also wondered how she had survived without him. Could it be dreams, or was fate just trying to hold onto her? Would there ever be a time when she could move on, out of her past and enjoy a day for what it was?
Or was she stuck here for the rest of her life, wallowing in self-pity?
'I really am being selfish,' she thought grimly. 'Everyone needs Goku, not just me.' But then again, every other woman got to stay by their husband's side, why was she deprived of this privilege? This right?
Sighing sadly she stood up. She didn't want to think of this anymore, but she couldn't help it. She couldn't help remembering the first time he had touched her, the first time that he had brought his lips to hers softly, like he was a professional. How could she forget the things he made her felt on their wedding night, or the warmth he always showed to her?
How could she not think about him?
He became all she ever wanted, and all she ever had. That was until he went off to fight. Then she had nothing but her little baby Gohan, and soon, she wouldn't even have her own son.
Her son would be as powerful and as needed by the world as her husband.
It wasn't how she wanted her life to turn out, but things seemed to happen that way. Everything works out in the end, but not the way you planned it.
She closed her eyes.
And now ten years of pain had passed, yet she felt as if he had just left. She felt like her wounds were fresh and never stopped bleeding. Soon she would die of blood loss and suffering. She never did take blows to the heart well, and she had many.
Many scars of pain that seemed to fly away when he was here. Goku made her forget the burns, the intangible injuries that no one could see. And then he would hold her tightly, running his hand down her side and make her feel the pain slip away. Make her feel like the most healthy person on earth.
He found it pleasant just to give her pleasure, moving his mouth to her ear and nibbling on it slightly before he would kiss down her neck. She never knew how he could do it, be so ignorant and blunt while they were with other people, but making her feel like the queen of his heart when they were alone.
"I love you Chichi," he would say, running his hands through her dark hair. She would hug him, so glad he was home and shed her salty tears on his shoulder.
"Why are you crying?" he would say. "Aren't you happy I'm home?" She sniffed, he never did understand why she would cry when she was happy. He was so sweet in every way, and somehow he had not lost his childhood innocence with his age.
"Of course I'm happy," she'd state. "I am so overwhelmed with emotion that I'm crying." Then she would wipe her tears away with the back of her hand and tell him how much she missed him. And after that, when she lay in bed at night, he would surprise her with a passionate kiss, resulting into a night of emotional desire.
And after that he would leave her again.
Leave to go to his mistress, fighting. The only thing he loved as much as her, something he inherited from his race, battling. Testing his strength. Saving the world.
Sometimes he would stay for a week, sometimes years. But she knew he would go away again, and when he left the only thing that would keep her sane was knowing he would come back.
But this time he wasn't coming back.
'So why am I still sane?' she asked herself. Maybe she wasn't. Maybe she had driven herself insane long ago, made herself long for him all day and all night, when he clearly wasn't coming back.
But she knew she had held on, some way, somehow she had gripped onto her sanity, and held it to her breast like one would when running with a football. She smirked weakly. 'Running with my sanity.'
Chichi yawned and looked down at her watch. Eight forty. She seemed to be trying to sleep away the night these days, even if she couldn't ever close her eyes. She sighed and got up, heading upstairs.
Step by step she walked up the stairs and laid down with a sleepy yawn. She grabbed at her nightstand for her prescription medicine. She hadn't been taking it lately, she hated to think she depended on material substance. It was to stop depression, but it also made her quite drowsy, which was why she wanted it now.
Downing two pills, she lay in her bed and hugged the extra pillow that was placed beside her. Her life wasn't going to get any better, but maybe she could still dream.
Her hair curled around her face as she turned in an almost sleep stance. And then, suddenly, she started to shake violently.
She was falling! Falling into black. Black darkness that seemed to swirl around her in a misty gray fog. She couldn't make any noise. She couldn't even remember her name. All she could do was wonder why she couldn't scream.
And as abruptly as it started, it all seemed to stop. She felt something solid under her feet. It was cold and wet, and she faintly realized it was grass. She was no longer falling, but standing, even if she couldn't feel her knees. And her name was Chichi. Now all she needed to know was where she was.
Then it all came back to her, as if she had just opened her eyes. Daylight shown down on a tree's leaves, sprinkling shadows on the tingling grass. It was a familiar tree she had seen all too often.
She put a hand up to the bark. Was this... real? Or another dream? It felt real, the bark seemed rough and solid. She sighed and turned around.
And there he was. Him, with his spiky black hair going in every direction. Goku, in his prime, although he never did seem to grow out of it.
She rubbed her eyes in disbelief before she stepped back and leaned on the tree for support. But when she opened them, he was still there, Goku, being solid and silent, waiting for a sign.
Chichi's eyes began to water. He wasn't even a kid like she had last saw him. He was young, like the day they had first married, and she was so... old?
She looked down upon herself at a crimson gown she wore. She wondered when she had changed, for she certainly didn't go to sleep in such a dress. She spread her hands wide open and watched them, once old and bony, now slim and refined, young.
She grasped a lock of her hair and checked it. Black.
"What...?"
He had been standing there smiling at her as she took in her surroundings. But now he reached out to touch her hand and caress it, pulling her closer.
"Chichi," he purred softly into her ear as he held her gentle frame in his arms. "Don't ask."
She smiled even though she was confused and pulled herself up to look him in the eyes. Eyes so sweet and serene, yet focused like that of an eagle. She loved how with one look, he always touched her heart and made her feel a happy and gleeful sensation somewhere between her stomach and her throat. Even if he ordered her not to ask, she had to.
Her mouth opened slightly before he brought his lips to hers, teasing her tongue with his own. He had silenced her question, and she had seemed to forget all about it as she started to melt into his arms and collapse. He caught her and held her up, then slowly lowered her body to the ground, laying down beside her.
"I- I missed you," was all she could choke out as her glazed eyes reflected his face.
"Chichi," he started. She noticed the name complimented his lips. He put one finger to her mouth to hush her as he went on. "I know I haven't been the most responsible husband or father, and I know I'm not as sweet or smart as so many other men you could have. I don't know a lot of things, but I do know at least one. And that is that- that I love you."
She put a hand up to feel his cheek, not the cheek of a hardened warrior but of a young man. "Goku," she murmured. "I already knew that. And know that I love you too, more than anything in the universe."
Chichi closed her eyes and moved her lips over his, but before she knew it, she had pulled back.
"Is this a dream?" she asked aloud, scowling. Dende was cruel, she knew this from other dreams she had woken up from, dreams she didn't want end.
"Sort of," Goku said, looking over her lovely figure, draped in the sheer silk, crimson dress. "It's my dream."
She started to shiver, it seemed to be getting colder. "Don't let them take you away from me. I can't live without you. I've tried for ten years, and I haven't learned how to breath yet, haven't learned how to forget."
He smiled sheepishly. "You've forgotten how to forget? Do you want to forget me Chichi?" He looked a bit hurt, like his very existence depended on her answer.
"No." It was a simple answer, without explanation or second thought. There was no need for second thought for an answer that she had gone over several times in her life, again and again and again, every time he had left her.
"Then don't worry."
Warmth swept to her cheeks as he kissed her again, making her body thrust up. She closed her eyes and kissed back softly but with excitement. She felt her conscience start to fade as he slid a hand down to her stomach.
"Chichi," he whispered. "I want you to know that I'm sorry. Sorry for leaving you alone to raise our children, sorry for fighting instead of taking care of you."
Normally, she might have been bitter, but his presence sprinkled sugar all over her words. "Goku, you were the world's champion. I can't deny the world life, just for myself."
His eyes softened. "The thing is, Chichi," he started, biting his lower lip. "The thing is, I'd much rather be your champion than the world's."
"Oh Goku!" she cried, her eyes becoming teary. "Didn't you know?! You were and always will be my champion, my Goku."
He smiled and she could feel his heart lifting. "And Chichi, you are the champion of my heart too."
Quietly he embraced her, sliding his hand down her face and then down her arm to the tips of her fingers, and pulled her to her feet again. She closed her eyes. If this were a dream... if this is a dream...
She opened her eyes to see only a milky white color. She could feel tears waiting to be shed down her cheeks, it was her bedroom ceiling. But then she felt Goku's fingers intertwine with hers and a sense of relief washed over her. The white was a light, that Goku was leading her into.
Chichi felt a moment of pure joy flow over her as he pulled her hand nearer to the warm yet frosty light.
"Come on Chichi," he said, smiling back at her. "I know my way pretty well around this place. This time... this time we don't have to say 'goodbye'."
Chichi smiled as wide as her face would let her and let Goku pull her in.
"Mom!" Gohan yelled, knocking on the hard wooden door. When no one answered he sighed and lifted up a potted plant on the porch, retrieving a key.
"Come on! I can't wait to tell her!" Videl said with a grin, jumping up and down. It looked unlikely for a woman of her age to be jumping up and down like an eight year old ready to go to a petting zoo, but Videl wasn't your average woman.
Her son, however, stood silently smiling. The six year old looked more mature than his mother at the moment.
Gohan looked at her devilish eyes, grinning. Slyly he slipped the silver key into it's keyhole, jiggling it before he twisted it and let the door fly open.
"Chichi!" Videl yelled out. "We got news about Pan!"
The only responses were the hollow echoes that stretched over the house. It smelt of dust, and Videl frowned slightly before she called again. "Chichi?"
"Grandma?" Jon called out, helping his mother.
"Maybe she went shopping," Gohan said, shrugging.
Videl shoved him. "I told you to call first! Did it totally slip your mind?!" Even though she was trying to scare him, she couldn't keep the happiness out of her voice.
"Well... I did call, but no one answered."
Videl rolled her eyes. "That's the whole point of calling, seeing if they're home or if they're too busy..."
Gohan sighed and looked into the kitchen, almost thinking he saw his mother's slim form, hovering over a frying pan. But when he looked back, she wasn't there, and nor was anything to suggest she had been cooking. He was starting to loose it.
"Mom?" he called, but got the same answer as his wife. "Maybe she's sleeping."
"Let's wake her, it's important," said Videl earnestly.
Jon stayed quiet and silently followed his mother and father up the stairs to his grandmother's bedroom. Something wasn't quite right, it wasn't like her to sleep in this late. Still he waited as his father knocked on her bedroom door in the same manner as he had the front door. Then without an answer, he opened it and peered inside the room.
There she was, asleep. Her head was curved to the left and her body twisted into a shape of contentment. She was holding onto a pillow and the sheets were sprawled across the bed, indicating she had been tossing and turning in her sleep. Her silver hair was spread across the pillow, shining in the dim light of the room. She had aged so much over the past few years, but a couple strands of the onyx black hair that Pan had inherited still remained.
"Chichi!" Videl called, running to her mother-in-law in excitement. "Wake up! Pan had her baby!"
The sleeping figure did not move. And that was when Gohan took a step back. "Mom?"
Videl kept shaking her with no use until a sense of understanding showed into her expression.
"Well... I did call, but no one answered."
Her eyes became glassy but she wasn't about to accept her dark conviction yet. She start to shake her mother-in-law frantically, and call her name. "Chichi!? Chichi!" she screamed, her hands shaking in disbelief.
Gohan felt a lump rise in his throat as he put a hand on his wife's shoulder. "She's gone Videl. I can't even sense her ki."
She looked up with him, her mouth trembling, but still she refused to let it sink in. Tears streamed down her cheeks as she half-heartedly pushed the body back and forth.
Gohan took her hands and held her, turning her head away from the bed as he embraced her. He watched his seemingly sleeping mother lay contentedly and looked down at Videl. She cried into his chest in disbelief and neither noticed the small boy walk up to the bed.
Jon looked over his grandmother and touched her hair lovingly. Then he grinned wildly and looked up at his parents with an innocent and happy look in his eye.
"Don't cry Mommy!" he said with a smile, patting his mother's back as best he could with his small hands. "She's smiling! She's with Grandpa now, like she always wanted!"
And it was true, a smile graced her everlasting but icy lips.
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