One of my friends recently told me I am one of the most courageous people she has ever known. That was a great gift for me to hear and I appreciated her honesty and it gave me a much needed lift. It still does.
I was born to 2 parents but my mother left my father when I was two years old and I can still remember my screams as I was taken away from my beloved father who adored me. I, to this day cannot stand the screams of a child without it distressing me somewhat inside my being.
My mother and grandmother moved around about 6 times before I was five years old. My brother Les was only 3 months old when my mother left my father. From here on my life was one of many moves at least once a year until I was 16 years old.
My mother and stepfather were share milkers so it was always in May that we moved in the middle of school terms. I just used to be too scared to go to yet another new school. Consequently I did not do very well at school. I wonder why?~~
I was abused by my stepfather and was raped by my step uncle. I was taken advantage by elders of a church in a sexual way also. All this under the age of 16. I was sent to boarding school at 16, after I had worked in a cake shop for 1 year after leaving school in order to pay my boarding school fees. I got nothing for myself in terms of money. It was taken from me each payday.
I was an ill child and had jaundice at 8 years old, badly sunburnt at about 9 years old and at 16 years old, I had my gall bladder out as I had gallstones. I had this massive operation (in those days) all alone, as I was at boarding school. No family member was with me.
I became very promiscuous and by the time I was 20 lost count of the older men who seemed to want to abuse me. Back then I was just looking for love.
I married my first husband Terry in 1966 against my mother and stepfather's wishes and they did not even come to my wedding even though the church ( Seventh Day Adventist) paid for it.
In 1967 I came to Australia as my husband's brother lost his wife in childbirth and he wanted to be with his mother, father and brother. I was then to find Terry was in trouble with the police. He and a friend were on the run and I was soon left in Sydney after about 4 house moves to find myself alone with no family.
I was so distraught I tried to commit suicide. I ended up in hospital where I was again abused by a Psychologist who got me out of hospital and I was his mistress. He was about 15 years older than me. He took me to the Kings Cross where he kept me in an expensive apartment. I had a hit man put his gun on me numerous times. It was a horrible time for me.
I came to Adelaide, South Australia in 1969 when my husband was arrested. He went to jail and I stood by him. Yet when he got out all his con tricks started again and he then got a woman pregnant. I helped to support her. That is my compassionate side coming out.
In 1970 I met my son's father and we had an unusual relationship. He was 12 years older than me and we really did not have much in common. I was alone and he needed a house keeper. Yet my precious son was born out of that union. We married in 1976 after living together for 6 years and we broke up 6 weeks after the wedding. My son's father continued to live with his mother until she died in 1993. She was a lovely lady but I could not live with her, hence the reason we broke up. My son's grandfather died in our bed in 1977.
I lived alone with my son until 1980 when I met husband number three. After 18 months of his conning and him stealing a car and disappearing for five months, I lost my home and had to go bankrupted due to his dishonest practices. Yet I had a very long 19 years of friendship with his Aunty and Uncle who became like parents to me. Aunty Doris died in 1997 and Uncle Allen in 1998. I was heart broken. I miss them both.
I went out with various men yet again for 15 years on my own. I met a man who murdered his wife while I was seeing him. I was beaten up at my front door by a woman and many other horrible things happened to me. Yet I still managed to bring up my son as best as I could and I completed Women's studies course(diploma) in 1982. In 1983 & 1984 I completed my Associate Diploma In Community Work. I will always remember my graduation day. I was so proud. I completed a massage course and began to work from home part time. I also did store demonstration work.
I unfortunately had a car accident in 1985 and am now paying the consequences of that accident now. I got nothing in compensation. I had just got my first real job when it happened. However I supported a friend Tanya who got Motor Neurone Disease and I nursed her for 4 years until she died in 1991.
I then found out my son was being abused by a young man we lived next to and at 15 years old he went to live with his father. I was so distraught as I never thought another man would hurt my son. Even though I was very aware of abuse I did not understand that a man could also abuse a boy. I was so naive.
In 1990 I started my own weight loss business but in 1992 I had to go bankrupted yet again. I lost my mother, my cousin, a good friend, and Tanya all in one year. I had a major collapse. I wonder why?~~
I was on good terms with my son and he used to visit me regularly and vice versa. I thought we had a very good mother-son relationship and all my friends thought we did too. In early 1994 he came and told me he was gay. I did not have a problem with that and supported him through this period and became involved with PFlag. Parents of gay children and I am still involved today. I used to go out with my son and he became a more confident man. Our relationship was good I thought.
Then I met my fourth husband in September 1994 and we got married in May 1995. It was far too quick. My only full sibling my brother Les committed suicide 3 weeks after I got married. I gave my son his 21st party in Sept 1996 and then had to have another operation in the October. That would be my fourth major operation.
Then in 1997 I found my 80 year old Aunty in New Zealand. My father's sister. My father I found out died in 1969 at only 55 years of age. I went to New Zealand six months later and met her and my three new cousins and their families. I was accepted with open arms.
On my return my son told me he wanted nothing to do with me and I was a terrible mother and he has refused to speak or see me for over two years. He did this the day Princess Diana died. I will never forget it. This rejection from my son is the most painful and distressing than all of the above. I just pray he reconciles with me before it is perhaps too late. All I can do is pray.
My cousin John died in 1997 and I just felt like my world was falling apart. My marriage was not working for me as my ex ( I have been separated 5 months now) was into pornography, drink and I just couldn't live with him any more.
I am now going through a messy property settlement and had to leave my home and rent in order to keep myself safe. I got a house through Women's Housing as I was a victim of domestic violence yet again. I have been in my new home just over two weeks and I am now beginning to feel a lot better.
I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia & Chronic Fatigue in 1998 and am learning to manage the on going pain and fatigue that goes with this illness. I am learning to take care of myself. I do not feel I have been hard done by . I feel I have a lot of compassion and empathy with others due to my experiences in life. I now do spiritual readings and have a very good name in this area. It is a very special gift I have. I get referral's from others. I have very good friends whom I treasure as they have got me through many a time.
My passions in life are my Pekinese dogs Henry and Nakita. My kitten Cleo. I love photography, crafts, and gardening. I love nature, poetry, natural health and healing. I am interested in Antiques and unusual green ware called depression glass. I also enjoy genealogy research. I love talk back radio and am very well known in this area as I speak quite often. I was interviewed recently about being a self taught mature person on the computer. It went well.
I love flowers, butterflies and yes, I do believe in Angels. What keeps me going is~~
"Never give up"~~
"Where ever you are at this moment
is exactly where you are supposed to be,
no matter how things may seem to appear"~~
I am thankful for all that I have and am very blessed to know I have a greater power than myself looking after me along with my own self care. My only prayer now is the "Return of my son". It will happen when the time is right.
Kia Ora
Pamela