The mystery of the body fluid has
stumped man for centuries. Its make-up,
properties, and purposes have remained an
enigma until just recently. I came upon
the bodily fluid research effort while
doing a report on crystallization.
Here's what I found out:
It's common knowledge that 1 L of bodily
fluid (Bf) can produce 1 million joules
of energy. What we don't know is how to
effectively harness this energy.
In 1974, scientists from all over the
world met in Penobscot, Maine, to study
this amazing element (atomic number
113). There, they made a startling
discovery. The atom of the bodily fluid
contains no electrons. Therefore, Bf
atoms can never be combined to form
electrolytes!
Scientists instantly concluded that Bf
molecules were a new type of organic
compoud. Boy were they wrong! See, the
atomic structure of a bodily fluid is
like no other. Bodily fluids form only
two isotopes: Bf-68 and Bf-69, both
extremely unstable. In the right
conditions, Bf could make cold fusion
possible!
Anyway, you can imagine the excitement
that was buzzing through Penobscot. In
1980, they began constructing the very
first bodily fluid plant. The first
problem they faced was where to find a
bodily fluid mine. Bodily fluid had
first been properly identified in a New
York City ditch. So a team of
scientists were sent to the Big Apple to
comb the area for Bf deposits. Then
came the shocking news: Mayor Gulliani
had shut down all of New York's sex
shops. The experiment seemed futile.
Then came urgent news from Tibet. A
reserve of castrated testicles had been
found outside of a monestary, apparently
set aside from the eunuchization
ceremony that country is famed for. The
scientists paid the Tibetan government
$6 million for the study of these
testicles. Finally, they had enough Bf
to build the plant.
Calling in a team of nuclear chemists,
they were able to construct a plant not
unlike that of a nuclear power plant.
How it worked was that a great supply of
bodily fluid was kept in an over-sized
Mason jar in the main reactor area. The
temperature was kept at a steady 98.6
degrees. As H was pumped into the
reactor, it caused the BF to split and
emit enough energy to make the H atoms
fuse together and produce He.
Unfortunately, this was wasteful. The
government spends $200 million a year on
buying He to advance their extensive
Zeppelin research. Not only did the
tremendous supply of He this reaction
produced drive down foreign profits, but
it also made all the school children in
a ten mile radius dizzy and talk like
Minny Mouse. The experiment was
futile.
To this day, scientists are researching
better ways to use Bf. Their supply is
running out, though, and they fear that
by 2069, we will not have enough Bf to
run a compact car.
So we are asking for your help. If you
have any information on Bf or would like
to contribute your testicles, please
e-mail us at psychonymph@hotmail.com.
