AI: Artificial Intelligence. Dir: Spielberg, 2001. This movie blew hard. Do not see it ever. It had potential, but for one thing only a very small scale was being investigated and for another thing, it blew. Jude Law was cool though. But don't see it.
Amelie. Dir: Jeunet, 2001. Of course I liked this movie. I didn't have much of a choice. The plot's cute, the actress is cute, the settings are cute--it's all almost too cute. But you can't help but fall in love with the main character. And if Amelie's antics don't sway you, the cinematography might, or perhaps the narration. Any fan of Jeunet will recognize Dominique Pinion as well as the narrator and can expect to be pleased by his latest opus.
Animal House. Dir: Landis, 1978. Dude, these were our parents. It was on the last day of winter break before the semester saw it, so the boy and I decided to get a bunch of alcohol together and watch this movie. Pretty funny, sometimes silly, definitely a classic.
Barton Fink. Dir: Coen, 1991. This movie is FUCKED UP. You will never look at John Goodman again. And John Tuturro is one of the most versatile actors I've ever seen. He's a Jewish playwright from Brooklyn, then he's Jesus, then he's a hick. He's amazing. And FUCKED UP.
Being John Malkovich. Dir: Jonze, 1999. Whoa. How the fuck did this movie get made? I wonder what the original script was like...
Best in Show. Dir: Guest, 2000. Good. See it.
Big Daddy. Dir: Dugan, 1999. This movie sucks. Don't ever see it. D-
Blade. Dir: Norrington, 1998. Blade kicks ass! Yeah! A+
Blade II. Dir: del Toro, 2002. Blade still kicks ass. And, hey, this is the guy who directed Blair Witch Project. Dir: Myrick, Sanchez, 1999. This movie blew. Okay, the ending was okay. But it still blew. C-
The Blob. Dir: Yeaworth, Jr., 1958. L'original. So I was surprised by this movie, in many ways. For one thing, it stars, as the back of the DVD states it, "Steven" McQueen. Yes, the bionic man. Second, the acting is actually really good. I'm a little tough; I have my prejudices. For instance, I assume any music made after 1997 is crap. That's mostly true, certainly false in the case with hip-hop which is getting more creative and branching out in many new and daring directions, but there are exceptions in the rock world (but don't ask me to name any bands--I'm certainly not going to name Linkin Park). Second, I assume all cult movies are bad. That's also not true--see The Night of the Living Dead. So the acting in this movie was pretty good, even though it was carried mostly by McQueen. And think about how scary the blob really is: it can't be killed with heat, you can't bomb it to pieces, you can only freeze, but never kill it. Crazy, huh? B
Bottle Rocket. Dir: Anderson, 1996. I didn't like this one as much as Anderson's others, but ooooooh how I do love Luke Wilson. B
Carnival of Souls. Dir: Harvey, 1962. This movie is a little gem I found on my parents' shelf. My parents are huge cult movie fans, surprisingly enough, so expect to see a lot of black and white horror movies reviewed here. Souls is one of the creepiest, gripping movies I've ever seen. Think Night of the Living Dead meets Blood of a Poet. The element of silence is essential to the creepiness of this movie. Very little scary music playing in the background, just closeup, silent images. Really great. A+
Castle Freak. Dir:Gordon, 1995. Thought Evil Dead was bad? Try the prostitute with her breast eaten off. It's a funny thing. This isn`t a good movie, and I don't like it, but I've managed, through coincidence, to have seen it about three times. Perhaps it's fate. D-
The Crawling Hand. Dir: Strock, 1963. So this was made before man walked on the moon and space was this big mystery. I bet 500 wanna-be screenwriters had to burn their scripts when Buzz took his walk. Yup, space is not that interesting. But I'm getting ahead of myself. Before we send man, even though the Russians are sending dogs and other domesticated animals, we have no idea how that great blackness might affect us. Implosion? Arousal? Greasy complexion? According to this movie, this terrible disease that turns you into a zombie-like monster. You don't eat brains, but you have this overwhelming compulsion to kill, kill, kill, and wear too much eye make-up. If we leave the `60s silliness behind (out there plots, bad actresses with big hair, tools with varsity jackets) we have a pretty much well-made movie. Although when I told this to one of my movie snob friends, he gave me a funny look.
Dark City. Dir: Proyas, 1998. What "The Matrix" wishes it could be.
Delicatessen. Dir: Caro and Jeunet, 1991. Except for Alien: Resurrection, this is the only movie by Jeunet I think I hadn't seen. It wasn't my favorite--a little too slow to hold my attention. Still, it has its good qualities. The plot's engaging, it's surreal enough to be interesting but not so surreal as to bore the audience. Don't expect pretty screen-shots here, though: it's all sort of drab looking. I enjoyed it, but not as much as his other films. Nevertheless, I recommend it.
Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigalow. Dir: Mitchel, 1999. Not as bad as one might expect, if you're into sophomoric humor.
Dr. Strangelove. Dir: Kubrick, 1964. I know, I should have seen it sooner. I enjoyed it, but to give a better review of it, I'd have to see it again. I was a little too high to get the most out of this movie when I saw it. Advice to stoners who might want to see it: put away your stash and watch it straight.
Dude, Where's My Car? Dir: Leiner, 2000. So there's this ongoing debate about whether it was a good movie. The boy says it's the only movie he's ever walked out on (but he paid to see it?). He says it's the most god-awful movie he's ever seen. However, I think it was really clever. So the acting could have been better, and some jokes just didn't take off, but come on, "We are sexy chicks"? And most of the people whose movie opinions I respect agree with me. Mike just refuses to open his mind. He will forever live in darkness without the enlightenment of this classic movie.
Dumb and Dumber. Dir: Farrelly, 1994. So the humor's a little sophomoric. It's a little slapstick. The characters are a little annoying, and the plot's unbelieveable. I'm an intelligent person with high standards for movies. This movie is so great. I have a little something about the Farrelly bros. I think that since they call themselves that, and the words "Farrelly Brothers" get thrown around a lot in movie commercials, people associate them with the "Coen Brothers" and mistakenly think that the Farrrelly bros make good movies. This is false. While I'll admit I liked one or two, really, they make bad movies. And I want people to be aware of that.
Ed Wood. Dir: Burton, 1994. I was a little skeptical about this movie at first. I wasn't sure who Ed Wood was--I know, I'm pretty out of it. But, gad, is this movie depressing! I still haven't the heart to see Plan 9 From Outer Space because I don't think I could handle seeing that last footage of Bela Lugosi. Poor Lugosi. Meeting Wood was what did him in. At least Patricia Arquette wasn't too annoying.
The Exorcist. Dir: Friedkin, 1973. One IMDB comment is this: "The Exorcist...more than a mere horror film." So the boy rented this after seeing Happiness because he was really stressed out and needed something to cheer him up. When he came back with this movie, I thought he was dumb.
Fantasia. Dir: a bunch of different people, 1940. I always thought this movie was kind of dumb when I was a kid. Just a bunch of pictures and music and no plot. I don't really get what the big deal is. But I decided to watch it on mushrooms one time, and it was just perfect. To this day I'm not sure if I was imagining the craziness or if it was actually in the movie. If you're into hallucinogens, this is the movie for you.
Field of Dreams. Dir: Robinson, 1989. This is the one baseball movie everyone likes. Well, most baseball movies are likeable by people who aren't baseball fans because they appeal to the all-American in all of us. This is beautifully executed, the acting's great, the story's gripping, and Costner is just so darn likeable.
Flight of Dragons. x4 1986. This was a made-for-TV cartoon my mom taped for me when I was five, and I've seen it a million times since. This is a truly excellent movie. Don't be fooled by the movie version that came out two years prior--I don't kow about the story, but the animation is inferior. Here's a synopsis: the world has come to a point where its inhabitants must decide whether to live ruled by magic or logic, since the two lifestyles cannot possibly coexist. One wizard proposes to create a uptopia of some sort (I'm a little unclear on it), and two of his three brothers agree, except for the third, who's evil in every way. He rebels and decides to create havoc. However, the other wizards can't destroy him so they send a party out to kill him and seize his crown. The party consists of a human (voice done by John Ritter) from the logical world, a knight, a beautiful markswoman, a dragon, an elf, and a wolf. The animation is marvelous, the plot is pristine, the dialogue is great, everything about this movie is absolutely wonderful. See it if you can get your hands on it.
Four Rooms. Dir: Anders, Rockwell, Rodriguez, Tarantino, 1995. Comic genius, all of the stories. I especially like the third, even though it's the most slapstick.
From Dusk Till Dawn. Dir: Rodriguez, 1996. The first time I saw this, I thought it was completely ridiculous. I thought, "What the hell was Tarantino thinking?" The more I watch it, however, the more I like it, even though I recognize that it's not the greatest film ever made. It's so completely ridiculous it's bad.
The Full Monty. Dir: Cattaneo, 1997. Six relatively unattractive men shaking it on stage. But I liked it anyway. Thoroughly enjoyable, nothing bad about it, except that you really have to see it more than once to catch all the humor (or should I say, "humour"). Clever and seductive.
Gattaca. Dir: Niccol, 1997. This movie was so amazing. For one thing, I really love Uma Thurmon. I think she's a modern-day starlet. Also, the movie explored science fiction without losing touch of human spirit. It was really an amazing movie. Go see it now.
Ghost Dog: The Way of the Samurai. Dir: Jarmusch, 1999. A lone hitman (known as the Ghost Dog) works for the mafia but follows what else? The way of the samurai. Eventually, his two roles come to conflict, and he has to decide whether to sacrifice his beliefs or his life. The score to this movie is wonderful, Forrest Whitaker is amazing. This is a wonderful film, especially if you like mafia films. Not sure how girls respond to this movie (in the words of my 14-year-old cousin, "I don't get it!"), but guys will love it.
The Good Son. Dir: Ruben, 1993. So I really wanted to see this when it came out, when I was 12. Not because I had a crush on M. Culkin (I used to be able to spell his name, but then he grew up and got married and probably does a lot of Coke and I can't spell it anymore)....well, maybe. I don't know. I'm not sure what the appeal was. But it came on Cinemax late one night over winter vacation, and I had to watch it. I was finally old enough to see it, hurrah. A pre-hobbit Elijah Wood goes to stay with his insane cousin after his mom dies. This kid, Culkin, tries to kill everyone in his family and blames it on Wood. Then, in the final showdown, C's mom has to decide which son is the "good son" and let the other one fall to his death. It was okay.
Goonies. Dir: Donner, 1985. There's no reason for me to review this. You all know it's good, in that sick nostalgic way.
Hackers. Dir: Softley, 1995. This was back when we thought hackers were cool. Now we know they're all 14-yr-olds who live in the basements of their parents' homes and don't change their underwear much.
Happiness. Dir: Solondz, 1998. Good movie. Rent it, it's really funny.
The Haunting. Dir: de Bont, 1999. Bad. And I can't believe this is based on a Shirley Jackson story. This is also Lili Taylor's most annoying role.
Hollow Man. Dir: Verhoeven, 2000. My 12-year-old cousin recommended this movie to me. I should have known better. It was pretty cool watching Kevin Bacon disappear though.
The House by the Cemetery. Dir: Fulci, 1981. One of those lost and useless horror movies. Could have had a decent albeit rather predictable plot if the director hadn't been out to scare so much. Bad acting, stupid actors, okay direction, and so on. Unimpressive. Why do I see so many of these movies?
The House on Haunted Hill. Dir: Castle, 1958. Vincint Price is every bit the suspicious millionaire, and the other characters are sincere and diverse. This movie manages to chill without snazzy special effects, just using the audience's imagination as the best horror device. And this one doesn't have a happy ending.
The House on Haunted Hill. Dir: Malone, 1999. In every way that the original was good, this movie blew. First, special effects do not make a good movie. Second, beautiful women do not automatically make good actors. Third, Geoffrey Rush is not Vincent Price. Fourth, mental institutions of days past are not gruesome slaughter houses. Fifth, all the characters are dumb. Sixth, cliches are not cliches because they are good. Seventh...well, I could go all day. This movie sucked, and sucked hard. Do not see it. I am stupider for having sat through it.
Horror Hotel. Dir: Moxey, 1960. A.K.A. The City of the Dead. A reviewer at IMDB calls this a horror classic, but I think he's a little misguided. This was on the same DVD as Carnival of Souls, and I expected the same artistic effort. Cinematography: F. Acting: F. Story: D. Okay, so building a plot off the Salem witch trials might have some potential, but this is built of the premise that it all actually happened. That's historical innacuracy #1. Number 2 is that the witches were burned. No, they were hanged. But I wouldn't hold that against the makers if the movie weren't so goddam terrible.
The Hudsucker Proxy. Dir: Coen, 1994. I decided one day to check out the Coen Bros.` lesser known movies and I discovered a few things. First, their movies have lost nothing in their popularity; they are as ingenius and creative as before. Second, the Coens fucking endure. I've never seen a movie by them I didn't like. This is not an exception. In addition to great camera work, intriguing characters, and the everpresent element of the supernatural, you have a wonderful satire of capitalism. Way to go to make a statement! Watch this, and watch it now.
I Bury the Living. Dir: Band, 1958. I guess the acting was pretty good, and the images were pretty creative. But this movie just couldn't hold my attention. It was too long, and it should have just ended a half hour before it actually did. The director seemed to forget the effectiveness of a cliffhanger, how chilling and shocking no resolution can be. But he persisted and threw together a sloppy ending. I was not thrilled.
I Shot Andy Warhol. Dir: Harron, 1996. Yup, I don't like Andy Warhol much either.
Invasion of the Body Snatchers. Dir: Siegel, 1956. Much better, of course, than Invasion of the Pod People even though they are easily confused. But MST3K could have had something to do with that. All in all, for a B-rate cult movie, this is really good, especially the ending. The ending is one reason to stick through the entire movie. Do not watch alone.
Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade. Dir: Spielberg, 1989. Everyone likes this movie, right?
IT. Dir: Wallace, 1990. When I was 9, and I watched this over the pages of a National Geographic, I was scared shitless. To this day, I`m still afraid of drains. However, when I saw it again a few years ago, the claymation just couldn't do it for me. Regardless of the crappy special effects, crappy acting, and Jonathan Brandis (why society thinks asses in chins look good is beyond me), the movie still is pretty creepy isn't draped in emotion like the book, which was a little boring after 400 pages. I dig it.
Joe Versus the Volcano. Dir: Shanley, 1990. Before Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan became lame. And who can forget the scene where the moon comes up over the ocean?
The Last Man on Earth. Dir: Ragona, Salkow, 1964. Another Vincent Price classic. This movie is so dry I was chafed afterwards. It's pretty disturbing and intense. Once I watched it, I felt like I hadn't slept in days.
Legend. Dir: Ridley Scott, 1985. The movie Tom Cruise wants to forget. The entire movie he flits around in green shorts and a tunic because he's the boy of the forest. Tim Curry plays ultimate evil. I wasn't too impressed when I first saw it, just another fantasy movie, but I can't stop thinking about how beautiful and magical this movie was. It is easily one of my favorite movies. It is a hidden gem.
Life is Beautiful. Dir: Benigni, 1997. Whoa. It was the first time since Requiem for a Dream that both my boyfriend and I cried at a movie. Cried? Wept.
The Lion, The Witch, and the Wardrobe. Dir: Melendez, 1979. Sure, the animation's choppy, but the acting is sincere and true-to-imagination. Aslan is as magestic as in all my dreams, the White Witch is terrifying while still managing to be a rather pathetic character. Quality of animation aside, C. S. Lewis would be proud to see this version. He would not, however, be proud of what I did the 15th time I saw it. I thought it would be a great idea to watch it on mushrooms. While not as trippy as I had hoped, I did have a great time narrating the movie to my boyfriend, who was staring at the ceiling: "Oh, look, Mr. Tumnus is frozen. Oh, no, Mr. Tumnus, will someone help you? You're still holding your packages! Oh, there's Aslan, and he will help you. Oh, wow, Mr. Tumnus is melting! How wonderful, he's dancing with the children. It is so nice to have Mr. Tumnus back!" Yeah.
The Little Mermaid. Dir: Clements and Musker, 1989. One day I asked my mom to send me a bunch of movies I still had at home. In addition to the ones I asked for, she also sent all my Disney movies, which is slightly embarrassing since I don't have the classics and everyone knows how much I hate Disney. But when my roommate of sophomore year saw "The Little Mermaid," she flipped out and gushed that it was the first cartoon she had ever seen (she's from India and I guess they don't have cartoons there), and please please please could we watch it. So we did, and admittedly, I enjoyed myself, so fuck you.
Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring. Dir: Jackson, 2001. Again.
Mallrats. Dir: Smith, 1995. I don't know why it took me this long to see this movie. Apart from Chasing Amy, it had been the one I was avoiding (Amy because I can't fucking stand that chick's voice). This is my second favorite (guess the first), and I can't stop thinking about what a great movie it was.
The Man from Planet X. Dir: Ulmer, 1951. Another silly old movie, nothing more, nothing less. Silly fainting ladies, pseudo-science, funny spaceship noises. People do dumb things, say dumb things, look pretty dumb. But, what did I expect?
Man on the Moon. Dir: Forman, 1999. It was okay. Nothing more, nothing less. See it if you get a chance. In fact, go out of your way to see it if you're a fan of Andy Kaufman. The movie does, however, provoke its own thoughts. For example, it establishes Jim Carrey's credibility. This man can make some awful movies, and he's a seventh-grade comedian. However, those roles he takes on seriously he does extremely well, as in The Truman Show. Carrey obviously took this part very seriously, and he did an amazing job. Kudos to Danny DeVito as well, for starring, since he had been Kaufman's costar in Taxi. I'm not sure how accurate the movie was, but I enjoyed it, and it's something you probably should see.
Mannequin. Dir: Gottlieb, 1987. I'm a loser for loving this movie. It doesn't make sense (what was Emmy in her former experiences on Earth? Certainly not a mannequin), it's silly, brainless, and so on. But I do love it. Maybe it's my fetish for the '80's, which I can't seem to kick, long after the kitsch is gone.
Momento. Dir: Nolan, 2000. Did I spell that wrong? Anyway, the movie became a lot cooler when I realized Guy Pearce is NOT Madonna's husband.
Monty Python and the Holy Grail. Dir: Gilliam and Jones, 1975. Never once have I been able to stay awake through this entire movie. I just can't. I must have seen the first half about 100 times. In fact, I can't stay awake through any Monty Python movie. I guess that's what prevents me from being a bigger dork, the fact that I can't quote any Monty Python. I'm sorry, I don't like this British humor, I don't see what's so great about it, so on and so on. I'm just not that silly.
National Lampoon's Vacation. Dir: Ramis, 1983. I've seen this a million times, and I'll see it a million times more and still laugh. I just don't understand, though, why European Vacation isn't shown more. It's a worthy sibling.
The Neverending Story. Dir: Pterson, 1984. This movie changed my life. Everytime I see it is better than the last. It's become a definite part of my self, this movie. I can't imagine being who I am without it. It has affected me in so many ways. Don't hate me for being corny. Be less cynical, mofo.
Night of the Living Dead. Dir: Romero, 1968. My impression of this movie had always been that it was a cheesy cult classic, good for a laugh. I'm probably stupid and naive, but I thought it was very scary. The entire movie has a zombie like stillness that is chafing, and Judith O'Dea's confusion lends an air to the movie of doom and disorientation. This is well done, with good "social commentary" (hot phrase).
Nightmare Castle. Dir: Caiano, 1965. IMDB user review: Badly written, beautifully executed. I agree wholeheartedly. It was sort of like a Dali film. There's potential. The splotchy filming and jerkiness lead to a feeling of madness, but his surrealism is just goddamn boring. Same with this movie. Beautiful to watch, but at the same time excruciatingly boring.
Office Space. Dir: Judge, 1999. This is an ingenious piece of film that was made entirely for the purpose of being shown on Comedy Central over and over again. You know, the little movies like "Half-Baked" and "Mumford." Movies that are undiscovered gems. Office Space is about mind-numbing banality, a Dilbert cartoon gone awry. God, working in an office has to be the worst experience on earth. I worked in one a couple of years ago. The chick in the room with me, my direct boss, was pretty cool. She was a lot like the protagonist, just wasted a whole lot of time and pretty much ignored everyone else. And there was this computer nerd dude who was about the biggest asshole I've ever met, counting all other computer geeks. His office was atrocious, piles of 10-year-old purchasing orders. I could never figure out what he did and why he had a better computer than everyone else. Then there was Barbara, this batty old lady who kind of stumbled around like a socialite on too many muscle relaxers. The final straw was the new boss, this fat chick who actually bought those comedy club tickets that people sell on the street. And she told me to organize the nerd's office and that's when I snapped. Two weeks notice my ass. I stopped working the next day. And I left the office in worse condition than I found it. Take that. Yeah...
Panic Room. Dir: Fincher, 2002. A great film. Much suspense. A little unreality, but in small doses that's not too bad. The kid's kind of obnoxious, but Foster saves the day.
Pete's Dragon. Dir: Chaffey, 1977. I don't think I liked this movie when I was a kid, and I'm convinced I don't like it now.
Pi. Dir: Aronofsky, 1998. This movie was FUCKED UP. See it at your own risk.
Pleasantville. Dir: Ross, 1998. I'm a little too harsh on the movies I see. Hollywood hokey scenes makes me discredit a movie, even if the rest of it was just fine. I should recognize that directors do what they have to do to appeal to a certain crowd, and if it doesn't harm the rest of the movie, it's not a problem. So I didn't give this movie too much credit because it was a little hokey. It also made me feel happy, it was a thoroughly enjoyable fairytale, and it had an original plot. Go out and see it. Be a little less cynical. We're all too cynical, and it wouldn't hurt us or make us less intelligent to just have a good time. I like amusement parks. So there.
Queen of the Damned. Dir: Rymer, 2002. So I saw this because I really liked the book. Sure, the movie was a little juvenile and rock-n-rolly, but so was the book. I wish the movie had explained some of the history of vampires more, but it would have been insufferably long then. Aaliyah was sex on a stick, and that dude Stuart made a pretty good Lestat even if he can't act. In the beginning, the movie managed to poke fun at the goth scene, but after a while, the cheekiness faded. Eh.
Robin Hood. Dir: Reitherman, 1973. This is the Disney version. Yeah, I know I'm a hater of Disney, but this is a delightful movie and it was made before Disney's movies sucked. Of course, the company itself has always sucked.
The Royal Tenenbaums. Dir: Anderson, 2001. Anderson overdose.
Rushmore. x2 Dir: Anderson, 1998. The quintessential Anderson.
She Devil. Dir: Seidelman, 1989. Revenge is best served cold, and this movie is best served with Tums. Tip: Don't expect it to be one of those FUNNY comedies!
Shrek. Dir: Adamson, 2001. Why is it that I'm the only person in America who doesn't really like this movie?
Silver Bullet. Dir: Attias, 1985. This is my least favorite of Stephen King's movies: I just don't think werewolves are all that scary.
Some Like it Hot. Dir: Wilder, 1959. Great, what can I say? The homosexuality part in it is a little weird, though, because I don't think audiences would have even conveived of it between two men. Apart from societal analysis, this is a film classic.
Spiderman. Dir: Raimi, 2002. I tried to find a problem with this, but I didn't. Some of the dialogue was a little lame, and I got a little lost in the CGI (but nothing like Episode 2!), but it was thoroughly enjoyable.
State and Main. Dir: Mamet, 2000. I had wanted to see this for a while, but for some reason, no one else really did. Why not? I mean, it's got a good cast of underappreciated actors. There's Sarah Jessica Parker, who isn't underappreciated but is just so darn likable. There's William H. Macy, Julia Stiles, Philip Seymour Hoffman, the dude who played Mr. Lebowski, and Rebecca Pidgeon. I don't know who Rebecca Pidgeon is either, but how can you not like a movie with a woman named Rebecca Pidgeon in it? Anyhow, this movie was solid, pretty good. It should be more popular than it was, but whatever. I enjoyed it. And by the way, Philip Seymour Hoffman does not, for once, play a blowhard.
Subspecies. Dir: Nicolaou, 1991. This is one of the best vampire movies ever made, without being too hokey. The plot fell a little short when it didn't explain enough the significance of the blood stone, but that's okay. So you're not into vampires? Watch it for dreamy Stefan.
Subspecies 4: Bloodstorm. Dir: Nicolaou. I just noticed that U does not come before T. But I don't feel like changing it. Okay, so this one isn't as good as the first, but it's still pretty good, and it follows the same vein. Unfortunately, no handsome Stefan. But this movie is at an advantage to most sequels in that it keeps the same director. Good going.
Star Wars: Episode II--Attack of the Clones. Dir: Lucas, 2002. I would have paid $10 just to see that 5 minute part where Yoda battles. That part fucking rocked. Other than that, the best part of the movie was the NYC audience opening night. I'm proud to say that I was the first one in the theatre as well. But anyway, the dialogue was bad, and I thought the plot was a little slow. While Darth Vader was someone who at some point might have been an okay character, Anakin was just a snotty little punk with no more inner demons than his own arrogance. There was no character development. What else? Well, that was my biggest beaf. And it was weird that Anakin has been in love with Amidalla since he was a little kid--I would have liked to see a little more development there too. And everytime I look at Haydn Christenson (sp?), I think, Justin Timberlake.
Star Wars: Episode V--The Empire Strikes Back. Dir: Lucas, 1980. Personally, I'm not the biggest Star Wars fan, certainly not as much as everyone else, since, like Monty Python, I find it hard to stay awake through the movie. "The Return of the Jedi" is by far the best one, and this one is better than the original. That said, I give this a solid B. Star Wars geeks can kiss my ass.
Star Wars: Episode VI--The Return of the Jedi. Dir: Lucas, 1983. This is the best one.
The Tao of Steve. Dir: Goodman, 2000. Believe it or not, my boyfriend was the one who wanted to see it. I personally didn't think the plot looked very compelling, and I was right. Moderately more humorous than the average romantic comedy, with slightly less annoying chracters, the formula's still straight: guy meets girl, comes upon some kind of adversity, gets girl. They have sex. The End.
10 Things I Hate About You. Dir: Junger, 1999. It's hard not to like this movie. And it's weird, because I go to school with half the people in the movie.
This is Spinal Tap! Dir: Reiner, 1984. So I've liked everything else by Christopher Guest, but I thought this movie was a little dull. I just couldn't get into it. The parody was tired at times, and the characters were a little too flat to be interested in.
13 Ghosts. Dir: Beck, 2001. This is a remake of the 1960 Castle version (see House on Haunted Hill), and I really didn't dislike it as much as I should have. This is probably because I did not see the original. For one thing, I really like Tony Shahloub. On the other hand, I really hate Mathew Lillard, and I wish he would stop acting. He's a spaz, and it's annoying. The house it took place in was really cool, even though the plot was unbelievable and used cliches and one-liners. I was okay with that. I was entertained, and ignorant of what potential this movie could have had.
Time Bandits. Dir: Gilliam, 2000. Dude, midgets falling through time!
Tommy Boy. Dir: Segal, 1995. Okay, so it's low-brow and predictable. It's also damn funny. So there.
2001: A Space Odyssey. Dir: Kubrick, 1968. Whoa, what the fuck?
Van Wilder. Dir: Becker 2002. First, there's nothing National Lampoon about this movie. The jokes are bad, the acting's bad, and it's largely unoriginal. I admit, I laughed, but that was at the pilot, and I'm not sure how much it was changed before it hit the big screen. C-
Wayne's World. Dir: Spheeris, 1992. I don't think there's anyone out there who hasn't seen this movie. It's worth seeing again.
What About Bob? Dir: Oz (as in Frank), 1991. Oz does some great movies and this is not one of them. I loved it when I was in third grade--just thought it was the funniest movie I'd ever seen. So I decided to give it another chance and ended up wishing the movie were over. Another piece of my childhood soiled, ruined.
When Harry Met Sally. Dir: Reiner, 1989. I don't know why it took me so long to see this movie. No, I didn't even catch the orgasm in the diner reference for years. All in all, through my cynicism, I still enjoyed it, as it is one of the more tolerable romantic comedies.
Wishmaster. Dir: Kurzman, 1997. I can't fucking believe four of these movies were made. Was there really such a demand?
Yogi Bear and the Magical Flight of the Spruce Goose. Dir: Patterson, 1987. I had this movie when I was a kid; someone taped it for me, even though I was never a Yogi Bear fan. So I decided to watch it again, for some reason, and it was dumb. Yogi Bear is stupid. But the Spruce Goose was cool, so that gets the movie two points.
Zoolander. Dir: Stiller, 2001. Could have been better. But Owen Wilson's always good.
