Title: Changes

Rating: PG

Summery: "I was talking to Blackburn the other day..." The missing conversation.

Disclaimer: Yeah I own these two. The moon is made of green cheese, pigs fly and Hell is a barren wasteland of snow and ice. In other words, not mine.

"Eversmann!"

"Morning Blackburn." I step into the room and close the door behind me. "How are you feeling?"

"Restless."

I have to laugh at that. The kid's been laid up for nearly a week now, it figures that he's itching to do something. The funny part is, the in fatigable Hoot told me yesterday that he'd go for a swim with the sharks for some rest, if he thought he'd get out of the water alive. Personally, my money would be on Hoot, not the sharks. I know what he means though. At times, I'm prepared to take a swam dive out of one of the choppers in order to get some rest.

"What?" He looks a little hurt, probably thinks I'm laughing at him. I shake my head. "You do realise that the majority of the guys here would swap places with you in a nanosecond? A nice comfortable bed, under orders not to move unless absolutely necessary. You're the envy of everyone here."

"Yeah but you guys earned at least a week of bedrest. I didn't do anything, except not grip the rope properly."

My eyebrows shoot up and something in his voice makes me look at him closely. For the first time ever, I see a touch of uncertainty in his face. That's not right. Blackburn is never anything but completely sure of himself, to the point of cockiness. "What did you just say?"

"Nothing." He mutters, looking away.

"Blackburn." Nothing but silence.

"Todd?" His head whips around in shock at my use of his given name, but he still doesn't speak. There's one card left t play and as much as I don't want to play it, I know that I won't get an answer unless I do. "Blackburn, last time I checked, I was above you in the chain of command. Do not make me order you to tell me what you just said. "

"I said I haven't earned these days of bedrest, sir." His voice is ice cold and I wince slightly, at the look in his eyes, as well as his words.

"Blackburn, you fell out of a helicopter."

"I'm well aware of that fact."

"Just like the rest of the men, you went through a harrowing experience." I continue as though he hasn't spoken. "Whether you were involved in the battle or not, you still went through something you weren't prepared for."

As soon as the words leave my mouth I realize how stupid they sound. Nobody is ever prepared for falling out of a chopper.

"You look like shit." He observes and the matter is dropped. Just like that. It will probably never be mentioned by either of us again. I won't push him for any more details and he won't volunteer them.

"Yeah, I haven't gotten much sleep lately. Too much going on." Too much to think about. Every time I close me eyes, I see it happening all over again. It was horrible enough the first time round, I really don't want to see it again. So now, I keep myself busy until I'm practically falling over and sleeping is unavoidable. That way I sleep too deeply to dream.

"You couldn't have prevented it." Blackburn says softly. "Nothing you did or didn't do would have made a difference."

"Yeah I know." And deep in my heart, I do know that no matter what, it all would've gone down the same way. But my head keeps telling me differently. I'll be glad to get out of here. Maybe after I talk to Smith's parents and get see my own, I'll be able to put this behind me. I've seen death before, but nothing like what happened that day.

"What are you thinking about?" Blackburn's voice breaks into my thoughts. My answer isn't a lie, but it's not entirely truthful either. "Going home."

"Home..." He repeats thoughtfully. I wait, knowing that he has more to say, for the simple fact that Blackburn never has this little say on any given topic. After a minute he bursts out with "What's changed? Why are we going home?"

"Nothing." I reply. "Nothing's changed."

We both know it's a lie.