Mercury32's Funky WWA Adventure
1.9.01
While chatting in #wwf, SexyPaladin mentions something about a wrestling tour coming to Australia. I casually ask "Paul, what the hell are you talking about?" He tells me the WWA (World Wrestling Allstars) are coming to Australia and included on the card are Gangrel, Luna, Roaddogg and Ken Shamrock. I promptly go into panic mode, under the belief that tickets are already onsale. Further investigation proves me wrong.
2.9.01
Call friends, inform them of show. Marns screams for about 5 minutes without taking a breath, Christa yawns and says "Have fun." (Not exactly but close enough.) Enquire about ticket prices, get told that they haven't been confirmed yet.
4.9.01
Discover ticket prices range from $101.55 to $25. Do a quick and panicked assesment of available funds, realise I'm broke, sulk for half an hour. Remember a bank account from 10 years ago, check last statement and find $75.. wonder why I haven't raided account before. Beg parents for loan.
5.9.01
Parental units agree to lend money. Spend rest of the day freaking out because I have the chance to see Roaddogg and Gangrel. Marns confirms she's coming with me.
8.9.01
Extract from Posting Board:
So I get to the ticket place and started chatting to a slightly cute and really nice guy (whooops, taken, keep forgetting that) while I was waiting and finally, finally *FINALLY* the really cute and funny guy selling the tickets (henceforth known as CTG - Cute Ticket Guy) goes "Are you here to get wrestling tickets?"
I jump up off my arse and shriek "YES! TWO! PLEASE!"
He starts laughing at me (cause I'm in my WWF beanie and long sleeved Undertaker top and I must look/sound like I went out drinking and haven't been home yet) and between chuckles CTG asks "What section?"
"As close as humanly possible without actually sitting in the commentators lap!" I grin, ready to start jumping up and down like a little giggly teenager about to see Backdoor Bois or something. "Actually if I can get a seat on either of their laps, I'll take that too." (commentators are Bret Hart and the King)
By this stage, everyone within earshot (e.g. the whole store) are in hysterics cause, well Merc's off her rocker and we all know what happens then. So CTG says "OK, Two section A tickets for the World Wrestling Allstars Show, blah blah blah blah, show starts at 7:30, you're in Row B."
"Excuse me, did you just say Row B?" I gape, thinking that I'm starting to go deaf, cause I don't get good seats for shows. And if I do, there's always someone about a foot taller than me in front. CTG stops laughing, hands me the ticket and says "Row B. See for yourself."
I repress a scream of delight, restrain my self from leaping over the counter and just jumping on CTG, stuff the tickets in my bra (long distance relationship, if anyone besides me goes down there they're in big trouble and I *SO TOTALLY* didn't mean that the way it sounds.) and walk out of the ticket place in a daze muttering "OMG,OMG,OMG,OMG, OMG." repeatedly under my breath.
24.10.01
Met Marni in town. Went and got cardboard, glue and various other bits and pieces to make our signs. Went back to her place and worked on our signs and watched the 1999 Royale Rumble.
26.10.01
Suddenly realised at 4pm that I still had to finish my Roaddogg sign and start on the Gangrel one. The Roaddogg one looked as good as I'd hoped, but at midnight, I was still looking through old PPV's to find one with a decent shot of Gangrel's TitanTron Video. (My plan was to have 'Gangrel' in the same script as his TitanTron video and Buffy as the same script as the logo.)
Decided 'Screw it, it's not like he's gonna see it and compliment me on having such a funky sign.' Thought about it some more and decided 'No I want the sign to look funky and funky is how it shall look.' Completed the sign, packed my bag - wallet, cigarettes, mobile, camera. Went to bed, couldn't sleep. Dozed off around 3 am.
27.10.01
After a shitty morning and a fairly good afternoon (details given on request) my friend Marns and I made our way to a funky café my father and I visit whenever we're in Melbourne. While ordering – and watching our waiter ogle Marns – we heard a male voice ask "Are you boys looking forwards to the wrestling?"
Our heads whipped around and Marns, being Marns approached a man and two kids to ask if they were going to the wrestling tonight. He said they were, at which point I joined the conversation and asked the kids who they were looking forwards to seeing most (Bret and Roaddogg). We chatted for a bit, the man asked us how we're getting to the show, then invited us to go with him and his boys in a horse and carriage. We accepted.
In the carriage the five of us chatted about the wrestling and Marns mentioned that I co-run a wrestling website. The man asked what it was about and I muttered "Oh a friend and I have a theory that the reason Jericho picks on the Billion Dollar Princess so much is because he secretly wants her."
"Yeah? I thought I was the only who thought so!" He replied. So I wrote down the URL for Smoochy Dreams and gave it to him. We arrived at the arena and talked a little longer, then decided to take our seats. Row B, seats 73 & 74. I had a minor panic attack when I realized we were practically the only people with signs, then promptly got over it.
Our seats were great, opposite the ramp and if we'd been at a WWF show we would have been behind the commentary table. Next to us was a guy who'd flown over from Tasmania to see the Ultimate Warrior – he even had an Ultimate Warrior tattoo. Unfortunately for him, the Ultimate Warrior isn't with the WWA.
When it hit 7:30, we all bolted up to the guard rail and leaned over it. After the WWA equivalent to the Nitro Girls, the commentator Jeremy Borash (former WCW commentary) came out and introduced Jerry 'The King' Lawler' (commentary) who came out to his WWF music. A "Jerry" chant a la Springer started and he looked totally amazed at the reaction. He talked about Australia and Aussie puppies and promised us puppies later in the show.
"You know why puppies have wet noses?"
"Why King?"
"Because I lick them!"
Then Bret Hart (commish) came out to an incredible ovation and talked about the matches for the night. Main Event - Roaddogg vs Jeff Jarrett for the WWA Belt. Since we didn't know when wrestlers would be coming out, we'd taken our signs up with us. We were allowed to rush the guardrail rail while there were promos and between the bell ringing to the end a match and the bell ringing to start a match. This meant that I still had to leap up and grab my Gangrel sign & camera and get on the barrier which I did with considerable success.
The first match was Crowbar w/ Adara vs Danny Dominon. I was leaning on the guardrail as Danny was posing on the ropes and the woman next to me and I took a photo at the same time and Danny blew us a kiss. Well it was probably more her than me, but I like to think I had something to do with it as I discovered later that I was good at getting the attention of wrestlers.
During the match Danny tried to get a table into the ring, but the leg was down and he couldn’t get it to fit through the ropes. The whole place was having hysterics and eventually Crowbar knocked Danny down and leaned out, put the leg back up and pulled the table into the ring to a huge round of applause. He stopped, tapped the side of his head proudly and grinned. It was so funny.
Sitting ringside, you can clearly things like a knee drop that only gets the hair and hear Lawler shouting "It connected! Oh that's gotta hurt!" It's kinda funny stuff. Adara hit a Hurricarna on Danny, and I'm telling you, that move is like, 1 million times more impressive seen from ringside.
"Knock knock!"
"Whos' there?"
"Gladys!"
"Gladys who?"
"Gladys match is over."
(Sorry, King moment.)
Jerry came back on with Sam, a dancer from earlier who promised to show us her puppies. The guys were going mad, and Jerry asked for his digital camera, Sam's ready to strip and Stevie Ray comes out. Jerry pushed Sam behind him and I couldn't really hear what was going on because from where I was, the light was shining brightly on Sam's barely covered butt and the guys behind me were screaming "Shave your arse!"
Next up was Juvi vs Psychosis. Juvi is a stud. There's no other way to put it. When the former WCW announcer was introducing him, he said "We somehow managed to clear him through customs... Yes, they actually let him back into the country... " OK, I found it funny cause when Nitro was down here I turned on the news to see what was happening in the world and saw Juvi's bare arse streaking across my screen. (And what a fine arse it is!)
At this point my camera rewound itself despite having only taken 18 photos out of 25. So I spent most of this match groping around in my bag for the new film which I managed to into my camera just before the end, which is a DAMNED good thing in hindsight.
I leapt up, grabbing camera and sign bolting for the barrier (did this between every match). Seconds later, the lights went out and the Brood's music started. I screamed. I screamed loudly. I didn’t take a breath in the entire time it took Gangrel to walk down the ramp. I took god only knows how many photos, then held my sign up as Gangrel wandered around the ring. He paused next to the turnbuckle nearest to me, posing for photos. I shouted "GANGREL!" a couple of times hoping to get his attention. He looked over scanning the crowd, scanned past me, did a double take, and turned back around to look at the sign reading "Gangrel Fears Buffy." I screamed, jumped up and down a few times thinking "OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG!" Then, he leans on the ropes towards me and says "Get in here and prove it."
I scream again, he turns away, looks over his shoulder at me again and laughs, shaking his head. I snapped off a few more photos, looked for Marns, who saw the whole thing and grinned at me, then went back to my seat. My hands were shaking so badly I dropped my camera. Everyone around me is wondering what the hell is going on and all I can think is "Gangrel saw my sign. Gangrel saw my sign. Must breathe. Gangrel saw my sign."
Even as I type this, my hands are shaking and it's just sunken in, six hours later... Gangrel not only saw my sign. Gangrel SPOKE to me. Gangrel. Spoke. To. Me. This man is the reason I am a wrestling fan (if you don't know, ask) and he SPOKE to me. There are no words to explain how I feel. Just incoherent babbling noises. Excuse me, going to pass out screaming now.
(Side note: I’ve been thinking about it today (Monday the 29th) after a rather lengthy phone conversation with falln. She asked how on Earth would I prove it and it’s just now that I’ve decided that he saw the sign, thought it was cool and wanted to acknowledge it somehow. *scream* Gangrel spoke to me!)
While I was scrabbling around trying to find my camera, Luna ran out and cost Gangrel the match. Of course, by the time I was ready to take a photo, she'd gone again. DAMNIT.
Next was Disco Inferno vs Buff Bagwell. Disco Inferno bagged the fuck outta Australia and Melbourne and claimed to be “Better looking than 10 Heath Ledgers” at which point a “You are a wanker” chant started up. Disco says “Wanker? What’s a wanker? Don’t you people speak English?” and Marns and I shouted “YOU ARE!”
Buff came out and was the only wrestler to walk right around the ring and shake hands. He actually shook hands instead of just slapping high fives and Marns came back to her seat squealing “I’m never gonna wash my hand again!”
Disco bitched about the lack of response we were giving him and as a joke, the ref climbed up on the turnbuckle to see how we reacted and the place went nuts. Disco bitched some more and climbed back up on the ropes, we booed, the ref did it again and we cheered. Eventually the match got underway. At one point, Disco accused Buff of having a steel pipe in his boots and asked the ref to check them. Buff lays on his back, legs apart in the air with his hands under his knees. I thought “OMG! Gotta get a pic of this for Katie!” but the dumb ref kept getting in the way. Another “You are a wanker” chant went up, leaving Jerry to ask “What’s a wanker?”
At one point Buff yells “You can suck my dick!” to Disco. Jerry asks “What was that? That move was slick?” and Buff turns to Jerry and replies “No, no, no. I said he was awfully quick.”
Towards the end of the match Disco hit Buff with the ‘Village People’s Elbow’ – basically the People’s Elbow but with the ‘YMCA’ arm movements before hand.
At this point I bailed because intermission was coming up and I wanted to get my ‘Gangrel Fears Buffy’ sign autographed by whoever was signing autographs. I joined the line just as the doors opened and people came streaming out. Marns found me, went for a smoke, then when she came back, we swapped places so I could have a smoke. Outside, I spoke to a guy who’d missed Gangrel vs Konan & Buff vs Disco to get Juvi’s autograph for his wife. This same guy was willing to offer Bret Hart $500 to put him in a sharpshooter. I told him about my Gangrel moment and he looked at me skeptically until someone said “Oh was that you he was speaking to?” It was someone who’d been near me on the barrier and had seen me holding a sign but couldn’t read it.
I went back inside and Marns was about 6 people away from getting autographs. She got her Roaddogg sign & my Gangrel one autographed by Danny Domination (who laughed when he saw my sign and said “Good one.”) Juventud Guerrera and Adara James (who said “I love it when people bring signs. And that one (meaning mine) is great”). Marn was the last person to get autographs but we all hung around the signing area taking photos. I was trying to get another one of Danny, but someone kept getting in my way. I was about to give up, when suddenly he looked over at me, grinned and posed for a photo. (See? I managed to get a wrestler’s attention again). Then some guy posed for a photo with Juvi on his shoulders.
Back to the show. Next was Nathan Jones and Norman Smiley vs The West Hollywood Blondes, Lenny and Lodi. Lodi came out holding a sign that read “Being down under blows” and on the other side “Nicole Kidman is a bush pig” Wasn’t sure whether to be insulted or impressed that they’d picked our top female export and used a classic Aussie expression to belittle her.
I only took one photo of this match cause I only had six photos left and there was still no sign of Roaddogg. Wish I had though, cause it was just too damned funny!! At one stage someone yells “POOFTERS!” and King says “Poofter? What’s a poofter?” Some one told him and he says “Wanker. Poofter. I love the Australian language!”
Then it was his turn to wrestle. Not a bad match, by this stage I was starting to get restless and dying for a smoke. I think the King won.
Main Event: Jeff vs Roaddogg I got a good position on the fence when Jeff came out. He had some guy from a Melbourne radio station with him. Ignored him, then “Oh you didn’t know?” came over the PA and the place went wild. Full on, it was just incredible! (You gotta remember that Australia has only had two American wrestling promotions tour – WCW & Superstars of Wrestling. Everybody was talking about seeing Roaddogg) I was jumping up and down holding my ‘I’m here to see Roaddogg’ sign and there were some Roaddogg signs behind me and he sent a few funny looks in our direction. He talked about how good it was to be in Australia and then said “You’ll be stroking… he’ll be playing… hell I’m not sure that’s even legal in Australia!” (It is, if anyone cares ;p )
We didn’t actually see the match because someone had told us that there was a surprise autograph session afterwards and if we wanted autographs we’d better go now because at Superstars of Wrestling they did one and they didn’t finish up until 2am. So we bailed, only to discover we’d been suckered in and there was no autograph session. :(
We made our way back into the arena just in time to see Jeff escaping up the ramp with the WWA belt while Roaddogg abused Bret. Turns out that Bret screwed Roaddogg out of the belt. We watched from the stairs until everyone had left the ring then went for a coffee and discussed the night.
Best Part of the Show: Gangrel!! Duh!!
Best Part of the Show that didn’t involve Gangrel: Seeing Roaddogg. I’m also pretty damned impressed with my screaming skills. (Like I said, I didn’t stop for breath from the second the Brood music started playing till Gangrel was standing on the steps doing the blood thing.)
Worst Part: Being suckered into missing the Roaddogg/Jarrett match. Also every time someone went near the commentary table for an autograph between matches, Jerry just waved them away looking irritated. I don’t think he realized how much we’ve been craving some pro wrestling down under.
Signs:
Heyman Fears Lawler
I’m with stupid (and an arrow pointing across)
It’s Fake!
Greek World Order
He farted (arrows pointing everywhere)
Random Thoughts:
Before the show a beach ball got going and some moron punched it into the middle of the ring. A giant ‘Awwww’ went up and security gave it back.
The referee looked like Fred Durst
Where the hell was Ken Shamrock? I wanted to see Shamrock damnit!!
I love Gangrel.
After sitting ringside, I don’t think I could sit anywhere else. You see so much more and you can hear them talking in the ring. You can also see when someone has really managed to hurt themselves and when they’re just selling.
29.10.01
Finished off the last of my film and handed in to be developed. Forty photos in all. They tell me the photos will be back on Friday.
31/10/01
Flicking through one of my mother's magazines and turn to my horoscope for the week. Typical B.S. paragraph of general stuff, then at the bottom reads "The photos are everything you imagine." (sorry, had to share)
1/11/01
Got the photos back. They were everything I imaginated. Most of them are good, some EXCELLENT ones of Gangrel, but the ones of Roaddogg are kinda blurry. I promise, they will be scanned and posted as soon as I get the scanner back.
30/01/02
Got sick of waiting for the scanner to return, so I went round to Marnz place and spent a good 2 hours scanning photos.
1/02/02
And now, after many month and fits of hysterical screaming and giggling, in no particular order, for your viewing pleasure, my WWA photos. Also a few of Marns's photos... she got this kick ass one of Gangrel pointing out some crazy bitca in the audience.... ;P
Juvi Guerrera
