JASON DAVID COX:

 

A.C. JONAS ODD XIV

DOC DIXON’S JAVA

VIC DODSON AJAX

[they’re lame, I know, but gimme a break, I got an X to deal with.]

 

NOAH NELSON:

[all pretty normal sounding. good names to check into hotels with.]

 

HANSEL NOON

HENNA OLSEN

ANNE H. OLSON

HANLON NOSE

SHANNON LEO

NOEL HANSON

LEON HANSON

 

NOAH CHRISTOPHER NELSON:

 

A NON-PORN CHESHIRE SLOTH [??]

CLEAN SHOEHORN SHIT PORN

PHONONS HERETICAL HORNS

SHIT CEREAL PHONON HORNS

CHERISHES PORN.  HALT!  NO!  NO!

PENN HONORS SHIT CORRALE

HERSCHEL ORPHAN NOTIONS

SHIT CHANNELER HORN…OOPS

[I’m guessing it’s one of those big Swiss mountainside-type horns, only you use it to channel shit through the cosmos somehow.  But then…OOPS! Something’s gone wrong!  …that’s the image this one puts in MY head, anyway.]

SHIT RANCHER, NELSON POOH

CHERRIES HANLON HOP SNOT

INCOHERENT SPLASH HONOR

HANSON HORN’S HELICOPTER

 

DAMIAN SOL:

 

OMNI SALAD

ADAM LOINS [porno name #1]

DON SALAMI [porno name #2]

ASIAN MOLD

DANA’S LIMO

SAMOAN LID [farrrrrr out!  I scored a fuken lid of samoan!!]

MAO ISLAND

MAIN LOADS

MILAN SODA [mmmm! tastes like grease!]

 

DAMIAN MACK-HUSTED:

 

DIET HUNK MacADAMS

AMANDA KIM DEUTSCH

ADAM ANT SUCKED HIM

MAHATMA DUNCE KIDS

MAHATMA’S NUDE DICK

TASMANIA HECK-MUDD

KATMANDU ACID MESH

MADMAN HIATUS DECK [sounds like a DJ name.]

ADMAN MUSTACHE KID

MAMA SKINHEAD DUCT

SATAN HACK DUMMIED

MAKE ADDICTS HUMAN [hmmm.]

DUTCHMAN IDEA MASK [the lost Captain Beefheart album.]

TAMED AMUCK DANISH [I’ve actually seen Damian do this.]

 

SARAH FELTS:

 

FRESH ATLAS

FLASHES ART

LAST SHAFER [it’s the call from the fridge of a bachelor party house.  “Dude, last Schafer…wanna split it?”]

FERAL STASH

FALSEST RAH [like a false god?  …is “falsest” even a word?]

TAR AS FLESH

TAR AS SHELF

RAT AS FLESH

RAT AS SHELF

ART AS FLESH

ART AS SHELF [this is the avant-garde section]

HALFASS RET.  [I think that’s the abbreviation for “retired”. ]

FART HASSLE [I’m sorry Sarah. I just had to do it.]

 

JON MACK:

 

MAN JOCK [I think this is the winner here. JAM CONK, JAM NOCK, and JAN MOCK don’t make any sense.]

 

JONATHAN DOMINIC MACK:

[for some reason, most of these really have a military feel to them.]

 

COMMANDANT ION HIJACK

INDOCHINA TOM JACKMAN

INDICT JOANNA HAMMOCK

COMMAND HIJACK NATION

JACK “INACTION” HAMMOND

AMANDA HICK—C’MON, JOINT!

DANK JOINT, CHICANA MOM

CHAD MONK, JOINT MANIAC [yes!!!!]

JOINT AMMAN NACHO DICK

HICK-MADONNA JOINTCAM

HANK CIA: JOINT COMMAND [YES!!!!]

JOINT HANCOCK, DAMN I AM!

 

SHIRA MAISEL:

 

SARAH SIMILE [how cool is that?]

SHE’S AIRMAIL

LARAMIE HISS

HIRES SALAMI [ha! The return of Damian Sol’s DON SALAMI!!]

LIAR MESSIAH [no comment.]

HAIRLESS AIM

AIMLESS HAIR

MELISSA HAIR

IRISH AS MEAL [damn! Just one S away from being IRISH ASS MEAL.]

SERIALISM? HA!

REAL SASHIMI [Sashimi is thinly sliced, raw seafood.  And in this case, it’s REAL.]

ISRAELI MASH

ISRAELI HAMS

ISRAELI SHAM

ISRAELI’S HAM [????]

 

KELLY BRESEE:

 

LES BERKELEY

KEY SELL BEER

REBEL KELSEY [like, there’s Normal Kelsey, and then there’s Kelly…REBEL Kelsey!]

BELLY SEEKER

 

ANNDRIJA LONG:

 

NINJA LARD NOG [this could be the all-around winner, I think.]

DR. JINN ANALOG

INLAND JARGON

JOAN GRINLAND

GANJA LORD INN [or THIS could be the winner.]

 

“DEAR CUSTOMER”:

 

DESECRATOR MU [y’know, like Desecrator Alpha, Desecrator Beta…all the way up to Mu.]

CREASED TUMOR

CREMATED SOUR

RUE DEMOCRATS

REDCOAT SERUM or REDCOAT REMUS

ECUADOR TERMS

CRUSADER TOME

“SACRED ME” TOUR

SCARED OR MUTE

METRO CRUSADE

CAUSED TREMOR [we should attribute this as a quote, describing the DC album.  “…caused tremor!”]

RUM CODA RESET [this could be some kind of “hip” music zine.]

CAR STEREO MUD [here’s another quote-worthy album describer. not very positive, though.]

 

KENNY HOFFMAN:

 

NEFFMAN HONKY

KEN, FAN OF HYMN

 

KENNETH FRANCIS HOFFMAN:

[of course, I had to fixate upon the “knife” theme.]

 

SNATCH FIREMAN NEFF HONK

FRENCHMAN HOKAN STIFFEN

HENCHMAN’S KNIFE AFFRONT

KNIFES RANCHMAN, THEN OFF!

KNIFE SHAMAN FRENCH FONT

NON-FAT FRENCH’S KNIFE HAM

HERMANN KNIFE OFF SNATCH

HOFF FINN’S CRANK METHANE [somebody named Hoff Finn, and their crank farts. Niiiiiiiice.]

CRANK FISHNET EN HOFFMAN

 

“KENTUCKY FRIED CHICKEN”:

[don’t ask me why I put this in, but it does add to Kenny’s anagram list.]

 

KENNETH RICCI: FUCK DYKE

KENNETH FUCKED ICY RICK

KENNETH CRIED, “ICKY FUCK”

KENNETH ICY DICK FUCKER

KENNY HERETIC DICK FUCK

KID KENNY, HECTIC FUCKER

CHICKENFUCKER, YET KIND

 

GLENN BRANDON NEWPORT:

 

PREGNANT BLOND RENOWN

NERD PORN BONG LAWN NET [?]

BRENNAN PRONG LETDOWN

 

NICK KERKENIDES:

 

KIN DECREES KINK [I dunno, like…somebody in your family declaring that everybody’s going to start wearing leather from now on, or something.]

IKE SKIN, REDNECK [yeehaw!]

I KNEED KNICKERS

KEN KICKED RESIN

KICKER NEEDS INK

 

QUENTON HAMLIN:

[not too great, but same story with my name…only this time we have to work with a Q.]

 

HOLT MANNEQUIN

QUINN A. MENTHOL

QUAINT NON-HELM

 

NATE GROW:

 

RAGE TOWN [I’m surprised Nate hasn’t figured this one out by now.]

ANGER TWO

WATERNOG

EAT WRONG

WET ORGAN

GAT OWNER

GET RAW ON

 

JACOB PHILLIPS:

 

JILL’S P.C. PHOBIA [this one makes me think of Jake as computer consultant, helping the lovely Jill quell her fears about personal computing.]

PHALLIC PI JOBS [this one also seems strangely appropriate…Jake calculating the value of pi as part of some job, but doing it phallic style.]

 

COLBY FRANKLIN:

 

RONIN BLACKFLY [shit, this has got to be the coolest spy nickname I’ve ever heard.]

FRY KNOLL CABIN

COBRA FLYNN ILK

CRAB OF ILK LYNN

NO CRINKLY FLAB

BARFLY LOCK INN

IF BANKROLL NYC

BLANK CRY OF LIN

CORNY FINK BALL

FANCY BORN KILL

LYNN BRICKLOAF

BILL FANNYCORK [reminds me of that old joke about the genie in the bottle telling the guy he can have one wish, and he replies, “no shit?”]

 

JENNA WELLSFRY:

 

FRANNY JEWELLS [Jenna got Fran’s somehow.]

FLYNN LASERJEW [no comment.]

FRAN’S NEW JELLY

FLEER LYNN JAWS

JENNY FLEW LARS

RE: JENNY W. FALLS [this is the only one on here that actually makes a bit of sense.  Jenny W. falls!   …..well, she does!]

 

FRAN MIRONCHIK:

[just as Jon’s were very paramilitary, Fran’s have some kind of ranch/farm/barnyard theme for some reason.]

 

MARK FINN CHOIR

ROAR, MINK FINCH

FIRM OINK RANCH

INFIRM CRANK HO

CHINK ARMOR FIN [y’know, like a “chink in your armor”? y’know.]

RICIN FARM HONK [ricin is a deadly poison, and I’m sure there’s a Ricin Farm somewhere. Not sure about the honk, however.]

 

GARY BINGHAM:

 

MY BIG HANGAR

AH, MY BARGING

HI, MANGY GARB

 

STEVEN SULLIVAN:

 

VULVA SENTINELS

EVANSVILLE NUTS

NUN’S VILEST VEAL

SILENT SUN VALVE

ELVIS’ VESTAL NUN

 

MONA ANN MOYLE:

 

LOAN MAN MONEY [!!!]

NON-ANOMALY ME

ANAL MOONY MEN

ONLY NEON, MA’AM

LO: MONEY MANNA!

NEAL ANNOY MOM

LOONY MAN, AMEN

ME MOOLA NANNY

NAN LEMON-MAYO

MICHAEL DALTON:

[I think Mike gets the grand prize.  Every one of these is a fucking winner.]

 

DON H. METALLICA

CLOTHED ANIMAL

ALLAN METHODIC

LACED HAMILTON

LETHAL NOMADIC

HELLCAT DOMAIN

METALLIC HONDA

AT DEMONIC HALL

 

MICHAEL JAMES DALTON:
[no shortage of good ones here either.]

 

MANIACAL JOSH MELTED

JOSE “DEATH” MACMILLAN

NOAH EJECTS DIM LLAMA or NOAH EJECTS MAMA DILL

NOAH CALMED JIM TESLA

METHADONE LILAC JAMS [sounds like an alternative rock band]

SATANIC HELL JAM DEMO […and here’s their first release]

ELASTIC HOMELAND JAM […and their second]

MAJESTICAL HOMELAND

MAJESTIC MANHOLE LAD

CAMELOT DAMNS ELIJAH

SMELLED HOT JAMAICAN

DEMOLISH JET ALMANAC

ALL HOT SEMEN ACID JAM [ewwww.]

ANATOMICAL JED HELMS

JOEL’S MECH-DALMATIAN [some kind of Anime robot dog or something.]

AMANDA: JELLO CHEMIST

SONIC JELLED MAHATMA

SMALL JOHN ACETAMIDE

ENCHILADA JAM MOTELS

JAMESON CATHEAD MILL

DAMOCLES JAIL ANTHEM [the Sword of Damocles…in jail]

EACH STALLION JAMMED

HELLCAT MAIMED JASON [!!]

MOCHA MEDALLIST JANE

SMALL TIME JADE NACHO

JAMMED LETHAL CASINO

JIM’S OL’ DEATH MANACLE

     [and here’s the metal band names:]

S/M JELLO DEATH MANIACS

JASON ACME DEATH MILL

JAN LIMO DEATH CAMELS

JAN MILLS’ DEATH CAMEO

“DEATH CAME,” MOANS JILL.

JIM MALL’S DEATH CANOE

MALCOLM JEAN IS DEATH

LOCAL DEATH MEANS JIM

 

RACHEL RIVERA:

 

HERR CAVALIER

RICHER LARVAE

ARRIVAL CHEER

RAVER CHARLIE

AH, CLEAR RIVER

HER VIRAL ACRE

RIVER RACE HAL

HER VICAR, EARL

 

RACHEL SUZANNE RIVERA:

 

EVIL EZRA: ANUS RANCHER [!!!]

NERVIER ANAL SCHNAUZER [“nervier” apparently means “stronger”….either that, or the name of a Belgian steamer ship from 1922.]

SCHNAUZER LIVER ARENA [bingo.]

CARNAL HAZER UNIVERSE [hot stuff]

ANARCHIZE UNRAVELERS [and then after you do that, there’s the:]

UN-ANARCHIZE REVERSAL!

SIZER RERUN AVALANCHE

SAVANNA “REELER” ZURICH
HAZEL RAVER’S INSURANCE

EZRA HINE’S VERNACULAR

RACIAL HAZER UNNERVES

HARRIS “NARC” VENEZUELA

CZARINA UNRAVELS HERE [I’m guessing that a Czarina is a female czar or something.] {NOTE: just looked it up, and I was close…it’s the wife of a Czar. You learn something new every day}

VIENNA CRUZ REHEARSAL

ZEN’S HURRICANE LARVAE [another good band name]

AZURE VARNISH CLEANER

CRAZIER LUNAR HEAVENS

ZANIER NUCLEAR SHAVER [first there was the ZANY one…]

SARAH RENE VULCANIZER

RAVEN’S RAUNCHIER ZEAL

HERCULEAN NAZI RAVERS [um…..no comment]

 

DEVIN POLLEY:

 

OPENLY DEVIL [uh oh…..EVIL!]

IDLY ENVELOP

VEILED PYLON

ED POLLEN IVY

DELVE IN PLOY

ILL DOPE ENVY

EVE PONY DILL

OLD PEE VINYL

DEVIN ZACHARIAH POLLEY:

 

PHIL RADICAL HEAVY ZONE

DAVY “NECROPHILIA” HAZEL [wow.]

I, VIOLENCE, HAPHAZARDLY

HOLY NAZI-PHILE CADAVER [wow again]

INHALE HOLY CADAVER ZIP

AHOY, HEINZ PILL CADAVER

HALLEY VAPORIZED CHINA

ZEPHYR ENCHILADA VIOLA

PELVIC HYDRAZINE ALOHA

EVIL, RADICAL, PHONY HAZE

LAZY CARL HEADPHONE VII

LILA IVY, HEADPHONE CZAR

HEAVENLY ZIP…OH, RADICAL

 

[and here’s some good names for Devin’s future porn video business:]

ZEPHYR I. CALLAHAN VIDEO

HAZY CRANIAL HELP VIDEO

PHIL “ANARCHY” ZEAL VIDEO

LIZ “PEACHY” HARLAN VIDEO

“ZINC” HARLEY ALPHA VIDEO

HAZY PRINCE ALLAH VIDEO

RYAN HAZE PHALLIC VIDEO

PHYLA INHALE, VIDEO CZAR

HI! HELP! CRAZY ANAL VIDEO!

HEY PHIL! ANAL VIDEO CZAR!

CHIRPY HAZEL ANAL VIDEO

“PAY HER ZILCH” ANAL VIDEO [!!!!]

[and the headquarters:]

HAZILY PALE VIDEO RANCH

 

ROB YOUNGREN:

 

RUNNY BOOGER

ON YON BURGER

GUY RON BONER

RON EBONY RUG

NEON RUB ORGY

UNO BERRY NOG

RUN YORE BONG

NO RENO RUGBY

BUNNY OR ERGO

GO, BONY RERUN!

NEGRO URN BOY

METALLICA:

 

CAMEL TAIL

LILAC MEAT

 

ALCOHOLICA:

 

COCOA A. HILL

CHI LAO COLA

COLIC ALOHA [Merriam-Webster’s definition of “colic”: “a paroxysm of acute abdominal pain localized in a hollow organ and often caused by spasm, obstruction, or twisting.”  And the word derives from “colon”, so there you go. Colic Aloha.]

 

BLACK FRANCIS:

CRAB CALFSKIN

CLANK FABRICS

SCAR BLACKFIN

SICK FLAB NARC

FLACK BRAS, INC.

CARL SNACK, F.B.I.

 

JOHN LENNON:

I put this in, and apparently the only thing approaching an anagram for “John Lennon” is “LEN JOHN NON”, and that still has “John” in it.  The only one that made partial sense by adding his middle name, “Winston”, was NON-LINEN JOHNSTOWN.  His married middle name was “Ono”, and that yields JOEL HON NON NON and a bunch of other nonsensical ones with “John” in them (EL JOHN NON NOON, LEON JOHN NO NON, NEON LO NON JOHN, etc.).   For some reason, John Lennon’s name just doesn’t want to be anagrammed.  However…

 

PAUL MCCARTNEY:

[I might’ve gone overboard on this one]

 

MEALY CUNT CRAP

MYLAR CUNT CAPE

YENTL RUMP CACA

RENT LUMPY CACA

CLAP ANY RECTUM

A CLUMPY NECTAR

ARMY CUNT PLACE

CUNT CAMP RELAY [it’s a summer camp endurance race!]

YALE CUNT CRAMP

CUNT-CAM REPLAY

CARL, MY APE-CUNT

LUCY MEANT CRAP [is this Paul’s comment on “Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds”?]

RECTAL PUMA, N.Y.C. or RECTAL Y.M.C.A. PUN

UNCAP MY RECTAL [ok, this is just getting silly…]

CREAMY LAP CUNT or CREAMY CUNT PAL […not to mention obscene.]

PRAY, CAMEL CUNT

PAM RELUCTANCY

LUNACY RAMP, ETC.

PLUM CACA ENTRY

MANTRA: CYCLE UP

MY CATNAP ULCER

MY NUCLEAR PACT or MY UNCLEAR PACT

“RAPE MY CAN” CULT [ok…that one was a stretch. “TALCUM RAPE N.Y.C.” makes more sense.]

ALEC “RUNTY” CAMP

CRY, PAMELA CUNT

CRY, CUTE NAPALM

CURLY MET NAACP [nyuk nyuk nyuk]

CUT MY PARLANCE

P.E.Y.C. CUNT ALARM [this might refer to the Port Edgar Yacht Club, in South Queensferry, West Lothian.  Perhaps Paul has been there, and heard the alarm.]

MY LACUNA CRYPT [ok, if Paul dies in some town named Lacuna, I’m gonna shit EVERYBODY’S pants.]

 

{NOTE: I just looked it up, and “lacuna” means “an empty space or missing part”.  Even spookier—that means when Paul dies, his coffin is gonna be filled with shredded newspaper, just like Elvis!}

 

UPTOWN STUDIOS:

 

DISOWNS OUTPUT [!!!]

UTOPIST WOUNDS

DON OUTWITS U.P.S.

WIND UP, TOSS OUT

DUSTIN, OPUS TWO

NUDIST SOUP TWO

STUPID’S WON OUT

DUPONT SUIT SOW

DONUT SUIT WOPS

TOUT PISS WOUND

OUTDO TWIN PUSS

WINO STUDS POUT

US POUND TITS…OW

TITSWOOD SUNUP

 

SOFA KING CREATIVE:

 

KONG’S CAFETERIA IV

FRESCO VAGINA KITE

CONGESTIVE AFRIKA

VOCIFERATE ASKING

SICK OF VEGETARIAN

A FESTIVE CROAKING

GEEK VISOR FANATIC

FIVE KEG RAINCOATS

EVOKE SATANIC FRIG

VATICAN FORK SIEGE

AVAST! REEKING COIF!

FAG KEVIN’S EROTICA

GIVE A CAT FORESKIN

SAVAGE EROTIC FINK

FIG KARATE NOVICES

VAGINA COKE STRIFE / SATAN COKE GRIEF

VAGINA SOCKET FIRE [ow ow ow.]

KENO GAS FRICATIVE

EKING VARICOSE FAT

SING FAVORITE CAKE

FOG CREEK SATAN VII

VIKING EASE FACTOR

 

“PROG ROCK IS STUPID”:

 

DR. POROUS PIGSTICK

OOPS, TURGID PRICKS

CORPUS PORK DIGITS

DOCTOR PISSGRIP UK

KISS PIG OR PRODUCT

DIG USSR POOP TRICK
PISS-POOR DRUG TICK

RICK PISS POGO TURD