teachinz in life
I learned sumthins today. itz not really big deal but things...
I had an argument with kirsten... It dont matter now, I dont need nething from her.
before when we had these arguements alwayz made by kirsten I alwayz wunted
apology,.. thinkin mayb in her, she would hav even one bit, dat she actually
cared for me and think things over.. u no think about my feelings too.
but I figured she dont.. I am not the type to write shit bout other person
so I regularly just write bout how I feel.
I thought me and her could get along.. u no as a friend.. nothing more
becuz I didnt need more from her.. but dat wuz not wut she thought i guess
she called quite some times.. so for me i thought she wunted to be better friends.
But it wuz just dat she wuz bored... u no to find out dat some girl used u to
hav her fun and not b bored iz pretty crushing truth.. u no step on the pride in man
wut itz true is dat I do still like her... which is stupid... wut did I do? nuthin
cuz I thought just liking the person on my own wouldnt harm the anyone.
but guess wut it did here in this case.. she just went back to when she
ignored me... tryin to get rid of me.. well i say fine..
I just decided to just get rid of her in my mind..
... and actually i figured sumthing out these dayz. dat I am frustrated..
not just because of this but in general...
all these years I hav tried to hide behind my back,..
becuz I wuz one son of a fuckin cold hearted asshole dat didnt really care..
I never cared bout much stuff...or mayb I did but when stuff happen
u no like tragic stuff in life.. I just put it behind
datz how i wuz able to kinda get back to my track... u no not depressed o wut ever.
even when I left my friends back I never really missed them
nor did I try to get in touch with them... m not sayin I wuz one of the people
without emotions and stuff but simply just tryin to get to the nu world...
u no enjoy life... get to nu stuff forget about old stuff..
forgettin the old... the useless memory, dat I thought it wuz.. even tho in sum part of
my brain ,the memory dat me and the old world had 2gether, were stored.
cuz i no i dont really forget dat easily..
But things happend dat made me change ... I think
U no like ... I started to b so much more thinkin.. which now m like a fuckin softie dat
iz really weak in his heart.. i think about things too much...
I cant really put back.. easily nemore
I think this whole being softer and being more considerate started when
i left united states... leavin myfriends behind...
I feel this in way dat I started missing people i didnt c for 5 -6 years dat I
never cared to find out about... startin to feel like sorrow kinda stuff..
itz like finding out the value of old memories...
Also.. I figured ... i didnt really wunted to let go of kirsten...
mayb itz becuz of kuwait... the whole fuckd up environment..
If this iz sum learnings in life dat u do... u no part in bein more mature..
and noing more stuff.. Id hav to get used to it
becuz this feelin dat I got 2day o from about week ago wuz pretty bad feelin...
This is sum corny shit i no.. but no one reads my site ne wayz..
so I feel like i wunna say this..
.. but I think this is the feelin I didnt wunt to feel, cuz it sux.. no shit..
but I bet dat this frustration wouldnt stop here.. mayb I would get back in
my old track.. mayb not.. but SUm day i think it will accumulate again
and giv this feelin again...

... I think i went over board..... and wow.. I partly forgot wut i just wrote..
wutever..
neone hu botherd to read this must hav patience..
cyaz