The Exciting Adventures of 007, The Penguins, and My Psychotic Mind! (yes, this is the title)

"Excuse me, sir, what's your name?"

"Bond. James Bond."

DDDDDDUUUUDDUUUUDUUUUUDDDDUDUUUDDDDUUUUDDUUUUDDUUUUDUUU DUUU DUU DUU DUU DUU DU DU!

THE EXCITING ADVENTURES OF 007, THE PENGUINS, AND MY PSYCHOTIC MIND! (yes, this IS the title)

"What will we do today?" asked 001.

"What we do EVERY day!" 003 replied.

"But there aren't any cute-"

"Not THAT. Fight evil!"

"Oh. . .what evil?"

"Why, the PENGUINS, of course!"

"I thought we were going to let 007 do that."

"Really? I was sure. . .Oh wait! It's his day off. It is indeed the day that we fight the penguins. See, look, it's right here in my agenda." 003 takes an agenda out of her pocket, opens it to a day, and shows 001.

"But this says that 'It is a good day to die'."

"Not THAT agenda. The one in my hhheeeadd."

"Oooohh. . .I . . don't see."

"Of course not. Well, off to fight those evil penguins." 003 and 001 snuck onto the iceburg carefully. They saw a UFO parked outside. 001 gasped. "They must be having a secret meeting with the aliens! I knew it all along!"

"Shhh!" 003 said, "You'll blow our cover!" They pulled out their Uzis, ready to shoot on sight. 003 let out a small scream.

"What?" 001 asked.

"Look! An ice-cream mobile! That must mean the Evil-Clown-From-Hell is here too!"

"Oh no! He's still alive? Darn it, he'd better not be in contact with my boyfriend."

"I'm glad he's not in contact with mine." 001 shoved 003. "Shut up. He's not gay like that idiot."

"Sure, sure."

"If you say that he's gay, I'll have to shoot you." 001 said, now waving her Uzi around like a toy.

"Gay, gay gay."

001 shot her six times in the stomach, with the silencer on. She lay on the ice for awhile, then got up.

"Geez, you really outta stop that. It kinda stings," 003 said, pulling bullets from inside her jacket. "You know, this vest isn't going to last me forever."

"Yeah, yeah, I know. That's just too bad."

"Oh no! Here comes a boat. Quick, behind that snow drift!" They ran, covering their trail with some tree branches that happened to be close by.

"Ohmigod! It's a Mafia boat. This must be a really big meeting! They're getting everyone together. Oh no, some crack dealers seemed to have gotten a ride with the Mafia. There's Creepy."

001 looked in the direction 003 was talking about.

"What's he doing carrying a garbage can?"

"That must be where he's keeping the 'stuff'. Either that or it's his home."

"Probably both-"

They were suddenly interrupted by some howling.

"Ohmigod! Wolf Dude is here too! What is going ON?"

"I don't know, but we're going to get to the bottom of this!"

They creeped along, getting to the gate leading inside.

"It's a gate! Uh-oh. I think we're going to have to do some drilling to get underneath it." They pulled out their hand-drill and drilled a hole, swam through it, and poped the ice out on the other side. She shut it.

"Oh wait! I forgot camera!" 001 said and opened the steel door, picked up her camera, and came back to close the door. She shut it again.

They continued on, trying to get to the ice-burg. All the penguins' guards were asleep, Cokes in their hands. 003 gasped.

"They must have already gotten to the Polar Bears! They were one of our best defenses! Shoot!"

"But it's not time to shoot." 001 said, puzzled.

"Just shows how much YOU listen," 003 whispered to herself. They broke the iceburg door and burst in (what they could). They pointed their guns, searching for the meeting. To their surprise, they found nothing. Nothing, but a note. In the middle of the ice lay a white piece of paper, saying "BE BACK IN FIVE MINUTES".

"Oh MAN. Figures." 003 said, looking at her watch. "It's 6:00 PM, their lunch time. Antartica clocks- figures."

001 and 003 decided to play "Egyptian War" to pass the time. Seconds turned into minutes, minutes into hours, hours into days.

"Man, I think they lied on their note," 001 suggested.

"Ya THINK? Oh wait, never mind. . ." 003 said.

"Man, this is whack. Let's leave."

"No! We must-" Suddenly, 007 burst in.

"What are you guys DOING?"

"We're not guys," 003 said.

"Fine, girls."

"Thank you. I guess I AM fine," 003 said.

007 rolled his eyes. "Yeah, whatever." 003 let out a screech as high as you can go, and keeled over.

"Oh, get over it," 007 said. "Hey, you girls aren't supposed to be here. We don't need you anymore."

"Huh? What do you mean?"

"We already caught the Penguins in their meeting. They had EVERYONE! The Mafia, the Taco Bell Dog (Dinky), Ronald McDonald, Wolf Dude, The-Evil-Clown-From-Hell, Creepy, the Aliens, Mr. Rogers, the Tele-Tubbies, Cracky and Barbie, the Cheerleaders, Garth, The Hansons and a few other groups. . ."

"Your KIDDING me! Garth was in on it?"

"I'm afraid so, 001. I'm sorry. But, you have me now. You girls can go home now. Well, rather you can, 003. 001 and I. . .on the other hand. . ."

"Oh yeah, well, you guys have fun. I have to get home to my Smiley."

They all lived happily ever after. 107.9 THE END

...

"I. Am. Cool! Hope you liked THE EXCITING ADVENTURES OF 007, THE PENGUINS, AND MY PSYCHOTIC MIND (yes, this is the title).

Just because I am nuts. . .