To Scare Hell Out Of Your Neighbors 7"(Turkey Baster, TBR-007, 1994) Tracks: Put Me Down Hangover The Slow Song Why Am I Even Here Notes: Thier sophmore EP, head to an actual label for this one, and a good one at that. Came with an 8-page comic book (see below). Limited pressing, prolly 1000. Track 2 is a different version than availible on the Rock Kids LP. In the dead vinyl on Side A it says a bunch of matrix #s, and then "Too Dumb..." On Side B it also has the matrix #s, and "...To Die." which is John's tattoo on his left arm (I think). (Don't ask me why the sizes of the comics are all messed up because I have no idea) Here's the story in the comic typed out, you can try to follow along on the scans(a ... indicates a new frame): THE MOTARDS by B.J. & J.W. The story of the Motards is gonna have to begin with John about three years ago in his favorite comic shop...John was a (sic) undefeatable Dungeons and Dragons master. Having this high honor you would think that there wouldn't be any problems...but there was: NO CHICKS!("HA HA! No one can beat Taflor the Untrained!")...His being overweight wasn't a problem he could always WOW girls with his science fiction-fantasy knowledge. If he could only get a girl to listen...One night John got invited to a party (little did he known as to WHY he was invited: to get him drunk for the first time)("I hope they like the salad I made. It has extra marshmallows.)...Sure enough someone "slipped him a mickey" and throughout the evening he took off his clothes and started reciting Battlestar Galactica episodes, doing an uncanny imitation of each character...By the time he started to imitate the commercials for Battlestar Galactica Action Figures he got kicked out but that's when he met Dave. Dave was an old high school buddy of John's who used to play in the Sex Pistols...Dave was forming a new band and John decides to b the lead singer ("Beer + John = GALS")...John and Dave already had another guitarist: Tim Stegall. The three of them were in there (sic) practice space/bathroom/garage/kitchen w/ a 'fridge full-o-beer when it caught the ears of a drunk neighbor Paul...After a while Tim's playing got on Paul's nerves and let Tim know...a bloody fight occured (sic)(Paul:"You Suck!")...After the fight Paul became a new member of the legendary Motards...They still needed a rhythm section, the drum machine they were using limited them to UFO covers...Taking a rest from practice the fella's (sic) decided to eat some BBQ at their favorite BBQ joint...As they were ordering the girl behind the counter said they all sucked because they ate meat. It turns out that Suzzanne was a pot-smoking-hippie-vegetarian who was in turmoil with the job she was stuck at (Suzanne: "You guy suck especially you John!")...She was asked if she would like to quit her job and become the drummer of the Motards. At the tryout they all approved, even BBQ fan John (John: "She's good even though she's a chick. Better than a drum machine anyway.")...On there (sic) way to the first gig they stopped at a gas station and the guy pumping gas happened to have a bass guitar strapped to his back (from the bus: "Hey wanna be in the band?")...After Toby joined the band he told them a little about himself and that he stole the bass guitar from Pushmonkey after a little bit too much to drink (John: "Speaking of beer I need one...NOW!")...Thus began the ritual of getting drunk before every show...The first show was a huge success...except that the club burned DOWN, in fact every club they played in town ended up getting destroyed...things were looking dim until Paul scored a gig at a place called the "Badlands." The rest of the band agreed only to find out it was a club in North Dakota...Spending everything that they had they chartered a plane to the Badlands...but the plane crashed...If you find any of there (sic) singles today they will cost $10,000 since only five were bought by there (sic) mothers. The Motards music can still be heard today, however because of a Motards cover band called the Motards... Hey Ugly, Go Back To The Damn Discography