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All For You
Every day, I'm afraid and paranoid
That part of my life a painful void
Wake up each morning, and question facing the day
Moments play back in my head, every different way
It could have been avoided, maybe if I jumped and ran
Seconds would have saved my soul, had to be a man
Multitudes of pressures, coaxing to do what's wrong
Counseling by peers, dirty looks, always gotta be strong
Face the fact that innocence is lost
Never concerned for others at any cost
If it happened in reverse, you would do the same
As before, to you people are just pawns, your game
Took so much, you'll never feel the way I do
See what I've endured, and know its all for you
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Mommy
Dating is a tragedy
Kissing is a game
Boys get all the pleasure
Girls get all the pain
At first he'll say "I love you"
And you'll believe its true
Once your stomach starts to swell
He'll be done with you
Four weeks of pure terror
Eight more months of pain
Two days in the hospital
A child without a name
Can't pay for what you've gone through
'Cause now you're flat broke
Maybe he'll come to his senses
Be a father, that's a joke
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Decent
The time has come, I now feel the need
All my feelings leading to the monster I feed
Try all you want, I can't be kept from going
I want the rush, to feel the surge, without knowing
There are consequences to every step I take
Can't help but to think maybe its really fake
Not really a dead end to this crooked road
Reaching the end is possible, I'll find a mode
Of transport to carry me through
Wait a while, it'll be back for you
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Pro-Choice
I feel the life inside me, you know you aren't wanted
If I give into temptation now, my life will be haunted
By the soul of you unborn, so precious, so sweet
As they inject saline, and suck out chunks of meat
But you mean more to me then the rest of them
For if I go against my judgment, its me they condemn
Don't you worry little one, I know its not your fault
As the discovery of you came out, life came to a halt
He ran away from us, its the others he told
No way you could be his, you were too old
Lying through his teeth, to make himself look good
Others pitched in their support, I tried best I could
Right now I don't have the funds to take good care of you
So sadly to say, its the pain we both must go through
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One Day
The day will come when you will go away
Excuse the outburst of feelings I kept at bay
I wanted to get close, but kept it distant
Love doesn't come easy, it took an instant
To realize if I let you slip, I would regret
Loosing something I'd never let myself forget
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Eveything Dies
I gave this all up for you
You can't feel what I've gone through
All the emptiness and pain of with drawl
Before I had you, without it I'd fall
A look of contempt shows on your face
Of course I will fell better in this place
Where you can't even piss without being watched
I'm some kind of screw-up, a creation god botched
Yet you think this will fix me
Like this is where I wanna be
The fault was yours, you did it first
Found out I did it, your little world burst
Broke apart like jigsaw puzzle pieces
You wont give up until addiction ceases
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Work
Just 'cause you're so much bigger than me
Doesn't mean my eyes are blind to see
What your doing to us isn't fair
We worked just as hard and deserve our share
If it weren't for us there wouldn't be you
Our pockets are waiting, your cash is due
Put on your pompous show, its just a charade
Everyone had parts, games we all played
Now its down to business, we won't give in
You don't want to pay, but its inevitable we win
So give in now while your reputation stands
Or it will be picked to pieces, destructed by idle hands
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you
You watched and knew what was going on
But you didn't interject, I was just your pawn
Everyone around could see that I had changed
Personality detour, just a bit deranged
I wasn't supposed to tell, if I did, no one would care
Not even those that I loved, so I didn't even dare
To tell them the hardships of my young soul
But one day I knew would come, I just lost control
Don't you start to worry, I didn't tell the truth
I told them something happened, something in my youth
A secret I will hold
Until I grow too old
Then they will be told
It was you who was so bold
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Please Understand
The look in your eyes shows me all your fear
When the voices in my head are all I hear
All the times you loved me, all the times you lied
Heart piercing sorrow, every time you cried
Just look right through me, to what I left behind
Realization of loneliness, that clouds aren't silver lined
Emotionless sensation, the passion tends to die
Asked if it was good for me, I feel sorry and lie
You don't know the feeling of being me held down
I close my eyes to float away, but I felt that I would drowned
My eyes crept open to a horrid smiley face
Now you understand dear, why I hate this place
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LOVE
KICK AND SHOVE
THEN CALL IT LOVE
PUSH ME DOWN
TO GET IT UP
I SEE YOUR FACE
I CLOSE MY EYES
I WISH THAT IT
WAS ALL A LIE
JUST SIT, SMILE
AND WAVE GOOD-BYE
TRY TO HIDE THE
TEARS I CRY
AT NIGHT I LIE
TO SAVE MYSELF
KEEP IT UP
IT DOESN'T HELP
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Dreams
My dreams are becoming nightmares
Betrayal foreshadowing lust
Something deep inside me demands
Your flesh, yet it despises it
The sound of your words
Resonate in my brain
They choke me like a lover's kiss
That tells me its okay but wrong
My paranoid reality subsides
In the embrace
Your eyes are filled with
A beauty I cannot comprehend
Sable hemispheres dilate
As I speak
Words pour from my subconscious
Into your narcissistic heart
Pain is visible in the crystalline
Waterfall spouting from baby blues
Inside I laugh at myself
For ever thinking you would lie
You do it so well
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Hipocrisy
I have the feeling of not feeling
The feeling of not being
Who I was meant to be
Why can't you look and see
The way I live I'm really dead
My vitality is only in your head
Look away and I disappear
You listen to lies you hear
Never looking at the whole
That I am missing my soul
It ran away the day I died
Into those that I dared confide
Its not in you
I can feel it too
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a suicide note, but not
This is only a flesh wound, a scratch that will heal
It's okay, I'll be fine, its pain I couldn't feel
I'd gone past my limits, pushed the blade too hard
Just watch the blood flow in, my reputation is marred
I was too scared to go through
When I did it, I thought of you
The look upon your face, my parents gave you the news
They found me in my bed, my body various colors and hues
An ambulance came, all I could see was black
Awake for my own death, yelling for me to come back
Listening was futile, I could hear my own heart stopping
Everyone watch the monitors, the blood pressure is dropping
Excruciating jolts made light
I thought I had begun my flight
But I was rejected, I felt your hand in mine
Did you ask me something, I am almost a flat-line
Sorry that you left, I just couldn't help it
Without you there, my life was only shit
It's getting late, I don't know what to do
Awaiting pergatory, please say I love you
Say it and I'll come back, I swear
This gaping blackness, just a shroud I wear
Open my eyes, I pray don't let them shut
I know it in my heart, my time coming to an end
But I awake, and realize, I must do it all again.
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Alone
Do I really feel all this place?
And in the mirror, is it my face?
Or a stranger's visage there staring back
I speak out to ask, but an answer I lack.
The lucid palor of a dead man's thoughts
As if his mind never worked out all the knots.
Tangled neurons cloud his feeble mind.
Did he ever question what was left behind?
Did he stand tall and walk steady
Up to the ledge and wait ready?
Down below they knew not of his plummit
And splattering end of a fall from the summit.
He is inside me, blocking axons from dendrites,
Softly talking me to sleep on lonley nights
I'm never really alone
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They were only blanks
As I hold the gun, my finger on the trigger
A feeling floats past, something I didn't figure
Would come about as I contemplate the past.
It hit hard, though it traveled fast.
Fleeing thoughts of senseless things,
About the names and faces of other beings.
Some actually did care, to ratify the guilt,
Of friendships I worked hard and built.
Though they were only concerned about how they would feel.
Saying if I talked to them, with I could deal.
I took a chance, spoke, then they all gloated
"..Chicken..""..wuss.."
I just hope this damn thing is loaded.
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Untitled
Sit and wait is all I can do
You're so far away, I long for you
To tell me you miss me, just look me in the eyes
Yet you turn away, realizing its me you despise
Did I not love you the way I should?
My life wasn't easy, I did best I could
Tell me I'm beautiful, to me you wouldn't lie
Now I lay next to an empty pillow and cry
Had to leave, too late to change your mind
Somewhat happy at what you left behind
Its their jeers and laughing faces,
Insipid people in trigic places.
I didn't use you the way they did
All the feelings I have, I always hid
The day you left, we came to say goodbye
"Millin' around like a herd of cows", you sigh.
Did you think I'd become what you hated?
One of them. Telling you this a bit belated
I loved you every minute of every day
But push me aside, I'll just be in the way
To what your future has in store.
Being a high shool drop-out, and nothing more.
With what you had planned, I didn't fit the mold
Everything I wanted, is now something I can't hold.
When you were away, a new love I had found.
A bottle slides from drunken hands, smashing to the ground.
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Contact me
teufelsunde@yahoo.com