I am writing the gist, and only the gist. the gist is what i, zack, understood out of the conversation.

Z: How do you feel about ponchomon?

R: cant say i really know much about ponchomon, cant say i really understand ponchomon. no comment. although i do approve of your shrine.

Z: what about sex? what are your feelings about sex, sex guru rajeev?

R: be more specific.

Z: what are your feelings about sex.. with ponchomon?

R: cant say i really understand ponchomon. seeing as im in a commited relationship which is already complicated, if i were to have sex with ponchomon... isnt he a cactus? that would be super complicated.

Z: well, he's actually a ghost cactus. what is your cd of the week??

R: i have to find it. what is my cd of the week? i dont know i guess.. ive been listening to.. uhhh... im looking... ive been listening to... avail, 4AM Friday. but i dont know. red medicine is also good, by fugazi. i guess that should last for like two weeks.

Z: Good JOB! what.. do... rajeev like... to do.. for.. fun?(i am the best interviwer.)

R: guitar is highly nifty. PEOPLE ARE ALSO FUN. (rajeev: "you ARE MISQUOTING THE GIST!! jerk.") bubbles are nice. mostly because they make other people happy. you know whose really great though? nina's little brother! you should quote him. he said "hey, whats up with pants?"

Z: Thats from the simpsons.

R: ..but then he stopped wearing pants. you know whats really weird tho, hot pants. hotpants speak for themselves. you know what was great? when on the simpsons hotpants came in a ship that hit the shore. and then that song started playing about hotpants. it was beautiful. that song addressed the issue of who is wearing short shorts. it was a real eye opener for me.

Z: You have gone on long enough about hotpants. here is new topic: rajeev, what is the name of your band?

R: ive got a couple of them and none have names. the name for stuarts band is "something like falling" which sounds like the name of a really bad emo band. but theyre still good. and although they arent as cutting edge or controversial as gaffer's tape man(a one day band with me and rajeev and james), they arent crap. which is more than i can say for gaffer's tape man.

Z: OH I SEE HOW IT IS. anyhow, what kind of music do you play?

R: its mostly just, like, punk metal stuff, moreso on the punk side. its been kind of hard to get our shit together because all of us have really complicated schedules. we havent practiced in a couple weeks.

Z: whats the hip thing to be wearing, sex guru rajeev?

R: bear in mind [editor's note:WHY WOULD THERE BE A BEAR IN YOUR MIND?] that sex has more to do with not clothes, and not wearing clothes. i'll tell you what isnt, hot pants. but you told me to stay off that subject. hmm. what to be wearing... ... ... ... ...

Z: HMM!?

R: i see a lot of people with those CONVERSE SNEAKERS. im not keen on those. its the hip thing to do, i just dont know why. and for some reason all my friends who play lacrosse buy abercrombie clothes which are made to look all beaten up. maybe because they play lacrosse. i dont understand.

Z: uhuh...

R: im licking these candy tattoos now.

Z: Candy tattoos?

R: yes, you put them on and you lick them. they are widely believed to be kinky.

Z: Do you use the kinky tattoos in a kinky manner?

R: no, we didnt have much time for that last night.

Z: spicy. verrrry spicy. WOOOOOOO!

R: im a busy..[beaver] guy.. always on the run... you know how it is!

Z: what's your least favorite teacher ever?

R: i'd prolly like ms pate if she wasnt all crazy and all... hating me. when she talks to you its like shes talking to herself and she's letting you listen. and then she's just crazy to begin with and crazy to end with.. etc. crazy. real crazy.

Z: THIS INTERVIEW IS OVER!!

R: ok.

Z: i'm going to bed.