My journal

1/12/04-8:08pm Today was awesome, i went to school for another visit. It went ok. after that i went to mikes with sam and chantal, ian and ris came later it was good times...those peoples are awesome. I want to chill with them more often. 1/11/04-5:57pm all is well again... i even spoke to beeb today. I'm hearing some music that Eoin turned me on to and its pretty good, Story of the Year and such. I want to do something this evening but it doesnt look like i'll be able to. 1/10/04-9:50pm I'm sick of the horse shit that i've amounted to. Nothing that I have is my own, its a little bit of everyones life that has seen the change in things while i've been away. I tried to help Amy as much as i could, but now I've realized that the true reason that i want things to work out so much is because i desperatly want to have a purpose and finally succede in something. I swear to god that if anyone screws with me tonight i will royaly fuck em up.......................................yea, its like that. 1/10/04-7:30pm went to boston with eoin and his fam. I got the new antiflag cd. its sweetass. I also got some sex pistols shirts and a jacket. because of the whole tracking bullshit i'm stuck at home all night and its pissing me off. i'm thinking that it might just be a good idea to try to fall asleep. 1/9/04-12:20pm I'm home....for good. Eoin picked me up and brought me back to school, and i promptly was kicked out. My whole life seems to be gone. Theres nothing out there for me anymore. All the people i saw today who should have made me happy just gave me this sinking feeling and i wanted to get the hell out of there as fast as i could...so i guess it worked out. I need to chill with Eoin. 11/15/03 Hey hey hey, i've done exactly what I predicted, I've been rotting in the juvie system for a long time now...like 5 months. fuck it, fuck it all. I come home for good in january, eoin, i miss you already...and beeb, I love you more than ever. FUCK OFF AND DIE!!! 6/11/03-10:48pm I'm a tiger yo

WHAT TYPE OF WILD CREATURE ARE YOU? (New Pictures!)
brought to you by Quizilla ok...i hate living here.............I'm a tiger who hates living here. 6/6/03-1:22pm MY LIFE IS SUCKING, i was let back into the lowell party house...that was cool. I think I'm on better standing with all my friends, but still...I might have to spend the summer in jail. I'ts driving me crazy. I think that next week i'm going to try and commit myself for being an obsessive-compulsive. It would solve alot of problems for me. or at least negate the problems. Sometimes i just feel like dieing. I wont be 18 for like...21 months... thats a long time to have to rot in the juvenile system. Thats all i'd do... rot and die in a kiddie prison, i could barely handle a week...never mind a matter of months. I just cant handle it. I feel incredibly low and worthless... there seems to be no escape from it. If the dwl makes it so i cant get my license untill i'm 18 i'll just have to dissapear, cant say where cause that would be telling, ind i cant afford to be caught, once i'm 18, i can rejoin normal society, it would be the same as going to lock-up for the rest of my young life. I want to talk to eoin, My best friend, he could probably help me tofigure the shit out. 5/31/03-9:55pm I need some answeres to alot of questions. And there are no escapes, none. It would seem that i've been abandoned by brian. Kinda figures. Katie got locked up for trying to kill herself again...the song "bright lights fade too" is beginning to have some meaning in my life, and eoins. He wrote it on instinct or something, because it is starting to make sense. I think Beeb sees our relationship as kinda a fluke...and it saddens me. Shes always treated me awesome as a friend, and its kinda reverting back to that. I should suck it up, your probably saying...but... THIS IS MY JOURNAL! Blarg...i'm bored. 5/25/03-4:16pm Everything seems to be ok now...i guess. Tomorrow will be cool. I'm waiting for eoin to come home so we can have some band-practice up in here yo. 5/25/03-1:58pm FUCKKKK!!!! beeb hates me!!!!! its too late for "i'm sorry" and i know it!!!!! FUCK!!!!!! i'll never feel that way again 5/24/03-5:00pm Last night i went to a party in lowell and got so shitfaced. I puked all over this guys apartment, it sucked. I want to go somewhere. 5/23/03-5:54pm I'm dying my hair the way beeb said i should, the streak is bleaching as we speak.it hurts i cant type...death!!! 5/23/03-2:28pm There is nothing to do while your expelled. just thinking about things I probably shouldnt be thinking too much about. Playing music with mike and listening to music are the main staples of my life. I wrote alot in the past few days and it's getting pretty good. Man, i needed a break from emo so I'm listening to the code. My mom was being a bitch last night and pulled the phone chord while I was talking to beeb, that was a fucking low blow mom. There is a drinking party in lowell tonight and i might just go, if the acton friends dont tell me whats up. 5/22/03-7:54pm This is fucked. katie all of a sudden wants to see me and talk to me. She needs to make up her mind about some stuff, I sure as hell dont want to see her. I went to the mall, that was kinda cool, and got some black hair dye and some bleach so I can dye my hair the way beeb says I should do it. Mike finally found a place to stay for a little while, at his brothers. I want to go somewhere with the acton kids again, I haven't seen them in forever...I want to go back to school. 5/22/03-10:36am I've been suspended from school...permanantly. Mr Dorey kicked me out this morning. Last night was a fucking mess. I told katie about my feelings for beeb and now her and her mom despise me, Whatever, I warned them. I know this isn't going to end well. It's the fall I described once before. I need music and the band. 5/21/03-2:02pm I got a job today, acually, I got two job offers. One a K-mart and another at Friendlys. I was suspended, so i had to walk home from Acton to Littleton. While me and Mike Boucek were waiting to get a hold to Nate, we went to the bowladrome to play some pool. The guy working was cool until he saw the upside-down american flag on my back. It is a simple form of expression. I have the right to be dissatisfied dont I!? Anyway, the fucker throws me out. I came back in because what he did is illegal as fuck. the walk home sucked. 5/21/03-12:22am Today has been kind of a mess. I almosed feel avoided. Beeb, if you read this, will you go out with me. There I finally said it. That was the easy part. the hard part will come when I talk to you in person. I've spent some of the best times of my life with you already. For all the rest of yous peoples, I need to find some answeres to 2 questions. First, why do I do the things I do, and second, when the hell is JJ going to get his fucking CD player back. I want to have band practice. I got caught sneaking out tonight and I'm royally FUCKED. I might even have to go to DYS again for awile. To the crew, Half lights need to drink this weekend.