by: brandi brooks
Lost in a reverie, the sound of a drill brought my attention back to my surroundings. Startled, I looked over my shoulder. It was not a drill I had heard; it was the sound of the artist revving up his instrument. I tucked my shirt under my bra and clenched my teeth. Despite my anxiety, I glanced over my shoulder again and shivered. The instrument appeared to be the size of Canada, a truly formidable apparatus. The silver point seemed to stretch for miles. A slight wave of fear swept through my body. The artist must have sensed it, for he looked up and smiled reassuringly. I managed to paste a weak smile on my lips and turned my head to face the front.
“Are you ready?” the artist asked. I nodded quickly and shut my eyes. I heard the instrument come to life and I stiffened my back. After a few minutes of vibrating, I opened my eyes and looked back, wondering what was taking him so long. To my surprise, he was concentrating on what he had started moments ago. I let out a sigh and settled more comfortably on the table. This is not so bad, I thought, and forced myself to concentrate on the buzz of the instrument. My thoughts soon blended into the low hum and abolished all traces of anxiety, and I found myself becoming lost in memories.
It is amazing to look back at my life three years ago. In high school, it was “cool” to drink every weekend and act like an idiot at parties and concerts. Sadly, I fell under that trend and wasted my weekends with Budweiser and Jack Daniels. Life became a blur for me, but I did not mind. I listened to hateful music and hung around with a shamelessly rude crowd. I tucked my morals in a deep and dark part of my heart, for one could not have morals when friends with this crowd of people. Drinking soon led to experimentation with narcotics such as marijuana and acid. I was on a downward spiral but loving every second of it.
I hit the bottom of the spiral during the end of my sophomore year. I had a theology class with Jonathan, my best friend. Jonathan, in turn, was friends with this girl who sat behind me. I had never spoken more than three words to her, even though most of my friends were also her friends. In fact, I was almost frightened by her. She was quiet yet independent. She listened to punk rock music, something I had grown up listening to but had abandoned because it went against my drug-induced lifestyle. She was smart and pretty, both traits I believed that I lacked. She was everything I was not. After weeks of class with her, I finally spoke to her.
“Hi,” I said as I grabbed a marker off of her table. She looked up and gave a shy smile. “Hi.” I turned to walk back to my seat but stopped. I do not know why I stopped; I had what I came for but something forced me to turn back and stutter, “So, um, you like NOFX?” She nodded. My mind raced for something cocky to say about the band but all I found was silence. She looked up at me expectantly so I said, “I’m Brandi.” She nodded and replied, “I know. I’m Erin.” I quickly turned away before I could think of another reason to go back and rushed to my seat.
When I walked into class the next day, I was surprised to see a cassette tape lying on my table. I let my books fall to the floor and picked the tape up. Shocked, I read what was written on the front in bold, pink letters: “NOFX.” I turned around and Erin smiled at me. I did not know it at the time, but my life was about to change.
As Erin and I slowly became friends, I discovered that she, too, had been afraid of me. We were, indeed, the opposites of each other. By the time junior year started, however, we were accustomed to each other and becoming great friends. I dug up my old punk rock records and tapes. I stopped going to parties with the old crowd. I actually paid attention in class. I found the strength in Erin that I did not have within myself. I also found a lifestyle that I would soon adopt as my own.
I wondered why Erin drew bold, black X’s on her hands and wore shirts that bore statements such as “My Life, My Choice” and “If You’re Not Now, You Never Were.” I assumed it was from a band that she listened to. When she told me about her choice of being straightedge, I was amazed. I had heard of teenagers adopting the straightedge lifestyle but had never personally known any of them. As much as it went against the way of living that I had chosen, I was intrigued.
By this time, I was sure that something had led me to Erin that day in theology class. But now, something even stronger was leading me to this standard of living. I read everything on straightedge that I could. I learned that an old punk band, Minor Threat, first coined the term. The drummer, Jeff Nelson, was drawing a poster for an upcoming show and using a ruler to guide him. He commented on how the ruler’s straight edge was a metaphor for the band’s drug-free, alcohol-free, sex-free lifestyles. In 1981 the band’s lead singer, Ian MacKaye, wrote “Straightedge,” a song that would soon become the foundation for the entire straightedge movement: “Straightedge.” Lyrics such as “Always gonna stay in touch/ Never wanna use a crutch!” simplified the purpose of leading a straightedge lifestyle.
When minors went to punk and hardcore concerts, the bouncers marked their hands with X’s to prevent them from drinking at the show. As a sign of their commitment, straightedgers began to draw X’s on their hands all the time. Three X’s in a row, as well as “sXe,” also began to symbolize straightedge. Over the years, some straightedgers decided to adopt vegetarianism or veganism as a part of their straightedge lifestyle. Most importantly, kids who had felt shunned because of their dedication to a drug-free lifestyle were finding solace in being a part of a widespread movement.
I decided to adopt a straightedge lifestyle that year. By then, I was becoming friends with more straightedge kids than kids who drank. It just felt right; no longer did I have to wake up with a hangover or try to remember who I was with the night before. I felt more pure and alive. Life seemed to be worth living. It was not easy to give up the past but I soon realized that the people I considered friends before were not my friends at all. I still crave a drink occasionally but I know that I am a better person today than I was three years ago. I wear the X’s on my fists proudly.
I do not know if I would be the person that I am today without Erin. She taught me so much about myself and who I really wanted to be. Whether it is going to shows together or just watching movies at home, she shows me that I do not need to get drunk in order to have fun. Most importantly, Erin has shown me that staying true to yourself is the most valuable lesson that life has to offer.
Three hours later, the abrupt silence awoke me from my memories. I slowly stretched my legs and hopped off the table. The artist handed me a small mirror and I positioned myself in front of a taller mirror, which was suspended on the wall beside the table. After struggling with angles and lighting, I saw it. I stared in awe at the piece of art that was now a part of me. Three large, black X’s were adorned with the words “Drug-Free and Dedicated” in simple, red lettering. A wave of pride flooded through my body as I straightened my back and pulled my shirt down. After handing me a pamphlet containing care tips, the artist asked, “Are you sure you will want this tattoo forever?” I smiled, for I was quite accustomed to that question, and replied, “My commitment is forever."
**here is an essay my dear friend brandi wrote for skool. although she freely used her artistic license, making me sound cooler in here than i actually am, it still rules. if even the slightest bit of what she wrote is true, then it is the ultimate honor to me. thinking that i may have positively influenced someones life just blows me away! but enuff from me, check this out**
I straddled the table, gripping the sides as if they were to walk away and leave me alone. I kept my eyes fixed on a poster that hung directly in front of me. It was not a very comforting poster; it portrayed a dog foaming at the mouth with a caption that read “Don’t Mess With the Best.” I glanced at the clock once more but only ten minutes had passed since I had looked before. I groaned silently and looked again to the poster for comfort.
*visit brandis straightedge page here*
[ my straightedge page ]....[ lets twist again ]
