gay men
I love gay men. I think that just about every chick does, but can't define it, can't say exactly why these guys are so damn appealing.
I think it's cause they're gay.
Now, we all know why guys like lesbians. (So they can watch...) But I don't want to watch gay guys. Damn. That's not cool. I just like them, I don't want to know every detail about their sexual life. I know how it works (after all, I did have sex ed, but do I really need to see it being done? Brrr...)
I just want them for consultation on my drapes, to buy me stuff at the mall, and someone to gush about hot guys to, because most chicks get really peeved off if your hormones run too high. Unlike men, who encourage you to give in to the carnal and rape as often as possible.

who's gay? how to tell.
First, you must look at the definition of a "straight man" in order to understand what a gay man is. Straight Men are defined as thus: The faction of men that only stick their circumsised penis into self-lubricating orifices.
Sine gay men are the opposite of this, it is safe to say that they stick their non-circumsised penises into non-self-lubricating orifices. Although there has been no direct linkage between homosexuality and the event of circumson, we'll leave it at taht because the second part is what *really* makes a gay man.

services that gays offer
One time, I saw this thing on The Man Show, where they were offering a service for boyfriends- they could hire a gay man to take care of their wives when they went out to go shopping or something. It seemed pretty useful to me.
First of all, the chick gets to go out and do whatever she wants. Nobody nagging her to hurry up at the mall, and saying "That looks good on you" just to get out more quickly, when, in fact the dress makes you look like a lumpy bad of onions or something, plus its two sizes too small.
Then the guy, while she's out, can go hire some prostitutes or something. Or maybe he'll do something innocent, like watch the football game on t.v., but I think if I were a man, I'd go for the prostitutes.
And when they get home, the man and woman will see less of each other and like each other more, so the sex will improve immensely.

My favourite kind of guys are the bisexual ones. They're the ones you go out with when you wanna pick someone up, because they can judge both chicks and dudes well. Plus, they're most likely the biggest hornballs, so unless the person's really ugly, you'll get encouragement like you wouldn't believe.
And if the person you're scoping doesn't have the same sexual tendancies as you, there's always someone else availble for them. Instant save!!

Provincetown, Cape Cod.
Many gays be here.
You walk down the street, and you see men made all pretty, wearing dresses and makeup and advertising the transvestite shows in the bars. Or they're walking down the street, arm in arm. Or else they're your waiters, your brothers, your mother's fathers...
P-town brings that side out in people, I've noticed. (The picture of Calvin in a dress in the Super-Deformer was reciebed shortly after he went to Provincetown every day for a week with his friend Todd. Makes me wonder... don't you?)
Or they could be in Gay-Mart USA. My sister and I took a picture of a busy Provincetown street, which looks very innocent and like a street in any other town. Until you get a look at the street signs...
Gay Mart, USA. Ha. Those gays... such a great sense of humour. They managed to turn a redneck's institution into a joke, and it was those rednecks that wanted to kill them in the first place. I'm glad I didn't bring my developed photos to Pennsylvania.
Maybe I should have, and put the Gay-Mart pics on the bullitin board at the twenty-four hour Walmart...

The Gay Man Speaks
The worst thing about Stratford is that we have 1.5 gay men, so all the girls are clamouring for their attention while the males are running away from them because they're afraid of being raped.
Once, my gayest friend said something witty:
"You know, the worst thing about being gay is not getting any. I mean, I wouldn't mind being straight, if it meant I could have sex, but I'm not sure I could get it up...."
I totally agree. I say that we, as a society, should engage in more gay sex.

The Gays vs. The Lesbians
Well, I decided to take a survey of my friends and see what they thought about gay men. Here are some of the responses:
Kylen:Gay men kick ass. Alan Cumming is gay. That's good, so we need more. (And about your site... why don't you add in who introduced you to Alan Cumming? Huh? Huh? Are you that ashamed of me???)
Shreya:I don't like gay guys. They're all hot, and I always want to screw 'em, but I can't 'cause they're gay.
Justin: I wish there were more of 'em. My dating life is one big zero.
Maria: Eew, that's disgusting. Do you know how they do it... Arggh... it's gross! It's not natural! (Mosquito pulls her aside and whispers: "Maria, you are a lesbian." Maria then proceeds to turn pink.) Well, c'mon! At least we don't stick it *there*.
Verdict: Lesbians have prettier orfices. But I still love gay men.