This website isn't a grasp at the pity game- you know, the one the world plays when they feel they've been wronged, so they share their story with hopes of compensation.
I absolutely detest pity. Especially those people who just go around asking for it.
I don't know what these people want. An "oh, that sucks" never suffices. It seems like they want you to magically appear and solve all their problems for them like you're some sort of superhuman.
I don't think I'm guilty of that. You can't always recede into yourself when something's tugging on the back of your mind. It's enough for someone to listen, to help me eke out what I want to say. I hate it when someone makes me face things I'd rather disregard...
But I'm not asking that somebody just fucking fixit. What I'm proposing is that I feel better by reflecting my problems onto them. Like using a person for a mirror.
I hate it when people misinterpret me. Sometimes, when I'll be meandering about in my mind, trying to show the other person what I feel, exactly, what is happening to me, exactly, they'll think I need some reminder of them, the outside world that is inhabited by them.
You're so cool. Ever since I met you, I just wanted to be you...
You're such a free-spirit. You don't care about what anybody thinks about you...
But I care about you...
The list goes on. And on. And such.
I'm appalled whenever somebody says something like that to me. At myself. Because someone out there, who I thought knew me, thought I was after attention. Like I needed to be reminded that there were other people in my world who cared about me.
Who would want to be reminded of that, when you're miserable and you've got towels saturated with your own blood underneath your bed, and you're bleeding and it won't stop, it will never stop, and everyone you know thinks you're out for someone to fix you, but all you want is to tell someone so it will be real. So you can grasp the reality of it, so you don't have to be pretending anymore.
You ever notice how a person can never define themselves, that they can only define themselves by someone else's perception of them.
Most of the time I am only grappling to see myself. the worst thing about being an invisible person is not being able to see yourself, making you become unsure of your own existence, and you can only be sure that you're really there, not just somebody's ghost or dream when someone recognises you without your instigation.
Is that a sin, to want ot be able to look into the mirror and see myself, not just empty air? It may be wrong to use people just to see myself, but what if that was the only way you ever saw your face looking back into you?
