There's stars in the linoleum...
I'm sorry to be so fucking joyful, I just had a night of racous, hot wild sex.
Actually, I'm lying.
I didn't have a night of great sex. Although that would have been nice and all... it just didn't happen.
Despite the lack of sexual pleasures, I did have a good night, so thank you for your concern.
(And if you know anyone satisfied in fulfilling my libido, just email me.
Lately, I've found myself eating abnormal amounts of Jelly Belly jellybeans. In the past week and a half, I estimate that I have consumed approximately twelve dollars worth of the pink grapefruit kind alone.
I've heard that there are, in fact, studies that link the consumption of these pink grapefruity flavoured jellylike things to increased UFO activity.
Now, I'm not the type to freak out at the mention of aliens, but... These aliens are powerful. Do you know how much jellybeans make up twelve dollars worth?
I'll give you a hint. There's a lot.
So, if my calculations are correct, Earth is in very big trouble. These jellybeans may just be a way of taking over the minds of sugar addicts such as myself.
(In fact, as I speak, I'm nibbling my way through a three-dollar baggie of pink grapefruit jellies.)
The people who are weak enough to eat these vessels will become slaves to the alien race.
Which, as the world is in one of its "states" right now doesn't seem like a bad idea.
Look out your window. Do you see any crop circles? Anything at all that might indicate the presence of a UFO?
Lately, I've been seeing all sorts of shiny lights up in that sky. And we all know tat they can't be stars, due to an important experiment done by German scientists during their attempt to create the neuclear bomb, which didn't actually produce a bomb, but instead produced a method of implanting the stars into cement so we'd have sparkly blacktop!
Which is so much more necessary.
First, imagine life without that pretty, shiny stuff. Sidewalks would be pretty drab, eh?
And if the Germans had developed the bomb, we'd all be six-legged mutants.
I think it all came out pretty even. Sucks to be Japan, though....
Damn. I'm out of jellybeans.
What are those lights in the sky?
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