Oh c'mon, how can you NOT have heard of this one?! Yep, it's the big-bucks, big-cast, big-theme, (big load of rubbish) 'movie of the year'. Mistake of the year more like.
I'm not being horrible (me? Of course not) but I can't stand this film. Apologies to cast, crew, fans, and anyone associated with this flick in any way, but it is the most overrated, over-expensive mistake ever made. Go see it and you will surely agree (unless you are one of those mentioned above, if so I would suggest you get lost now before you start getting all upset) that it sucks. Badly. It's not just the weak acting and the even weaker script, in fact a script so weak that if you laid a pile of bricks on top of it, they'd go straight through it and land on some poor Aussie's head, way down under. It's the blatant cheek that anyone would dare release this anywhere than to a group of close friends and family who you can never speak to again forever if they have the common decency to tell you it's crap, which they won't, evidently as they are indeed close friend's and family, which is my point. Anyway, back to my big diss (ooh I am having fun..), Pearl Harbor would be the biggest loser on Earth if ever God had the unfortunate idea of putting it on this planet as a member of the human race. (God, don't read into that, it was no hint)
The plot (pah) revolves around the owner of the most horrible pointy nose in Christendom (the very *ahem* lovely nurse, Evelyn), the owner of the squarest jaw and yuckiest stubble in Christendom, her gorrrrrmless boyfriend Rafe..RAFE! What kind of a sad loser name is Rafe?! I'd rather be called Anonymous) and finally, the owner of the ugliest face and most chronic sissyness in Christendom (Rafe's freak bud Danny). It's in the war, in other words for Evelyn and Rafe it's a quick wham-bam-thankyou ma'am before he takes the hint and gets lost off to war in his plane (ooh, big boy has a plane of his very own and he can FLY it!) So, nursey Evelyn is left hanging around in a suspiciously clean hospital ward with her sad little mates, including one blond bombshell who, we are supposed to believe, has decided to waste her youth and beauty on some stuttering geek with an ick-factor of, like, infinity. Pur-lease. When they do that in films it just makes you think that the more beautiful half of the couple is blind, or deranged, or something. Anyway, back to the point, so, poor lil Evelyn (yeah like I really feel sorry for her) is left all alone (but of course she's not. Enter the so-dumb-he-looks-like-he-should-be-frothing-at-the-mouth-by-now Danny, who is, as I said, Rafe's bezzie mate (lucky him). When the bad (bad? Am I missing something?!) news comes that Rafe's died (shame) in the Battle of Britain (though judging by the horrendously biased and American portrayal of the Battle, it would appear that he won it all by himself anyway), Evelyn decides she can't just be miserable like normal people and that she'll have some fun with Danny, who has also taken about 2 minutes to get over his best pal's death. But, WAIT! Rafe's NOT dead! Ooooh, dear. Then all the bad stuff happens at once..Rafe's back, Rafe's mad, Danny's in trouble, and oh yeah, just in case you were interested, the Japanese have invaded. Durn durn DURRRRN..
I probably should just tell you the ending coz by now none of you are gonna bother with it anyway, are you, or ARE you?! But I won't, just in case you want a really good laugh one night and all the copies of American Pie are out. But I digress. 0/10
