Graphics - Turtle Shit - I've never actually seen turtle shit, but I bet it looks a lot like this. Characters flicker like crazy, just like shit.
Control - Uncontrollable Ninja Power - Jumping causes you to fly around aimlessly, which then causes you to not be able to land on small platforms, which then causes you to fall in disgusting sewer water over and over again. Maybe if you weren't such a hormonal wreck you could focus on saving the world instead of banging some turtle slut. Or, if you're Donatello, you can replace "turtle slut" with "big burly man". I like to be as politically correct as possible.
Challenge - Pretty Hard - I got to the third level and decided I'd had enough of the strenuous ninja turtle lifestyle. Too many magnets and guys with boomerangs for me. Come to think of it, why would the magnets have any effect on me? I'm a turtle, I'm certainly not made of metal. Perhaps the turtles have a dark secret, perhaps they're not mutants at all. They're robots! Teenage Robot Ninja Turtles to be exact.
Gameplay - The Life Of A Ninja Turtle Isn't That Great - It's not the best game about ninjas, but it's certainly not the worst. It's probably the best game ever made about turtles though.
Raphael - Is a douche.