9-3-2002

Five days have passed since the writing of the sacred journal. Lots has happened, none of it I will bore myself with. The past is past, o need to dwell even if it is positive. I'd much rather live in a world of negativity. Then the simple majority of what I say will be met with agreeable results rather than hurt feelings and undiscernable responses.

Undeterminable. Undetermined. Those words in essence sum up the one they call The D. Unable to decide what I want to be. Unable to decide what I want to strive for. No knowledge of a skill or talent within me. I am undeterminable and undetermined. I strive for nothing and you have no idea what I am striving for. In a sense, a broad sense, you could say I strive for happiness, but yet again, I have no concept of what happiness is.

I will never have any true friends. I have lots of people i hang out with but no true friends. No one I can count on to be by my side at anytime I need it. Is there a way to get friends, or is there not. If friendships are made early in life, I lost that simplicity, that innocence I had back in Royal Oak. I lost it to a place which I consider the closest thing to hell. I had friends, I had a life, I was in shape. Sure I had to wear a uniform, but I was happy. Who knows what life held for me. Something tells me that I sure wouldn't be feeling like an ass right now. Why has time stolen my life?

Song: "Typical Situation"-The Dave Matthews Band