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More on the bastard corporation I took the piss out of above!
Now, I'm going to murder McDonald's press release as much as they murder cows. As an anti-capitalist, the only weapon I have is wit - so I'll use it!
McDonald's Worldwide Corporate Site McDonald's is the largest and best-known global foodservice retailer with more than 30,000 restaurants in 121 countries. (Holy cow - that's a lot of cows!) Yet on any day, even as the market leader, McDonald's serves less than one percent of the world's population. ( Er...that's because a) the rest can't afford to buy your 'food' or b) they have the common sense to stay away! ) Our outstanding brand recognition, experienced management, high-quality food ( better not say anything or I'll get sued! ), site development expertise, advanced operational systems and unique global infrastructure position us to capitalise on global opportunities. We plan to expand our leadership position through great tasting food ( if shit tastes good ), superior service, everyday value and convenience ( A little too convenient? ). Our efforts to increase market share, profitability ( SURPRISE FUCKING SURPRISE! ) and customer satisfaction have produced good return to shareholders - a compound annual total return of 12 percent for the ten years ended December 31, 2001. ( bastards - only profit matters to them! ) Our Vision... McDonald's vision is to be the world's best quick service restaurant experience ( you've failed. Spectacularly. ). Being the best means providing outstanding quality, service, cleanliness and value, so that we make every customer in every restaurant smile ("free hand job with every big Mac!") . To achieve our vision, we are focused on three worldwide strategies: Be the best employer for our people in each community around the world. Deliver operational excellence to our customers in each of our restaurants. (operational excellence? WTF?) Achieve enduring profitable growth by expanding the brand and leveraging the strengths of the McDonald's system through innovation and technology. (Number 4: Piss me off and sue me! Come on then you big corporate bastards! I challenge you!) Good news I just read in the Daily Wreck Chord (a fucking shite paper, but surely they can't lie about the following!): 'Chip shops still outnumber McDonalds and Burger Kings 8 to 1 in Scotland'. Which can only be a good thing. Serious stuff. Bush wants to go to war with Iraq as much as Wile Coyote wants to get Road Runner. This is worrying for anyone who doesn't have their head stuck up their arse. Saddam is a power-crazed dictatior, but so is Bush. Bush has the power to end poverty in the USA - hundreds of billions of $ to stop inequality, but he spends it on the military. Saddam executes his people; Bush did the same when he was Governor of Texas. Ah, but Saddam kills Kurds, using 'weapons of mass destruction'! The term 'WoMD' is a fucking irritating term! It's like an oxymoron - dunno why it's like an oxymoron but I had to offend it somehow!Let's break it up - 'weapons' - implements used in war, murder or other unpleasant things. Like Will Young's smile. Seriously, look at it! It's fuckin' scary! 'of' - the, er, abnounjective or something, 'mass' - on a large scale, 'destruction' - the punk rocker in me says that anarchy is good, but death and pillaging is not by any means good! So basically, I feel the urge to punch someone everytime I hear 'Weapons of Mass Destruction'! Baassstaaaadssss! And what are fighter jets for, decoration? Which country walked out of the Kyoto Treaty? The USA. Which president supports big business as much as I support Aberdeen FC?!? Bush. These are dangerous times. You must realise this, so arm yourself. Go to websites that tell the truth, and read 'between the lines', not 'the Sun'. Don't get me started on the West Bank. Or those foxhunting murderers. Here's a good idea - International Pizza Punks Day! While most normal bastards will phone up the nearest shop that sells Latino cuisine and get a delivery skivvie to skeedle round to their house in the freezin cal' (ie while most people will order a pizza, and get a delivery boy to bike to their house in the cold and wet), us punks have to be different! Yeah!This shit is stolen from eroding.org.uk/pizzapunks.htm
"For 5 years running now punk rockers and in Switzerland, Scotland, England, America, and now New Zealand have been replacing the holiday of Christmas with INTERNATIONAL PIZZA PUNK DAY on Boxing Day - 26th of December." "Spun into the air in '97, International Pizza Punk Day supercedes the regressive Christian holiday and blasts off towards a world based on mutual aid and cooperation." "Like flying solidarity pickets, small cells take local action to form a global web of unstoppable pizza-punk resistance!! National borders and stereotypes melt like cheese as we UNITE; the pizza punx of the world!! Armed with a grain of salt and the cultural cookbook of the D.I.Y. and punk movement, we rise above the restrictive appetites of consumerism, sectarianism, geographical and ethnic backgrounds, alienation and dis-empowerment. We are left only with ourselves, the ingrediants for a full pizza-making workshop and THE STRUGGLE." Yes, I know, this should go on my Bizarre page, but it has fundamentally unified, autonomous, communist principles. Never before has a pizza meant so much! So I urge you to go to the aforementioned website and take part! Me? I'll probably phone up the nearest shop that sells Latino cuisine and get a delivery skivvie to skeedle round to my house in the freezin cal. Sigh. Christ was a dick.