PSY-150 Perodic Assignment #8
Elizabeth Haas
PSY-150/Withrow
December 6, 2003
Periodic Assignment #8
Many years ago, I had to reapply for a Social Security card. It was needed for a job I was applying for. Although I knew the number, the employer needed to see the actual card in order to verify the information. My mother had no idea where the original was and since I had never needed before, she assumed it was probably lost. She went to her lock box at her bank and was able to give me a copy of my birth certificate. Being that I was adopted, it seems that there is no original. Even the copy that my mother had was a copy. It also looked different than any birth certificate I had seen before. It had my birth date on it but the issue date was a year later, the hospital is not listed, and the closest thing to the actual place of my birth was just the county.
With my copy of my birth certificate in hand, I waited in line at the Social Security office. After filing out the appropriate paperwork, the lady at the window handed me a copy of a form. In the section designated for parents were typed the words unknown for both father and mother. Granted, my birth parents are unknown and that is fine with me. I was shocked by the fact that in 1971 when my card was originally applied for, no one thought it was appropriate to put my adoptive parents on the form. This was painful because I was raised by my parents with every effort not to feel considered different because of the adoption. The idea was that they were my parents just the same as they were to their biological son, my brother. Now I was in a category that made me stand out and I felt alienated, as if I did not belong anywhere. I went to my car and broke into tears. More than any time previous, I felt different because I was adopted. I needed to know why my parents would do this. Many adopted children, even as adults, often times feel as if they are not real. Now, I had this feeling stronger than anytime before.
I cannot really find a way to justify this as a meaningful life lesson. For quite some time after this experience, I distanced myself from my family. AS it turns out, my grandfather was the one who filled out the paperwork for my Social Security card. In his eyes, was adopting a baby something he felt strongly against? Did he feel that my biological background was not respectable because of the unwed mother? I will probably never have the answers to these questions. After taking some time to deal with these feelings, I decided to not let it stand in the way of being with my family. Sometimes I may feel left out and this may be magnified by the fact that I will always think of myself as adopted, but they are the only family I know and we have all been through a lot of stuff together as a unit. My sense of family is stronger now. I am there for my parents and my brother whenever possible. When my mother was diagnosed with cancer last year, I realized that the love of a parent does not necessarily come from the fact that you once shared the same body, but from sharing a lifetime.
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