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Fuck You Too
Saturday, August 13, 2005
Can't Sleep
It's 4:30AM and I'm still awake. Chad's birthday is coming up next weekend. I'm getting him a really expensive birthday gift and it's just got me in knots. I don't ever spend that kinda money on myself for useful things let alone on other for something that impractacle...

Right now I'm so homesick that I've actually broken down a cried. For what Chad's gift is going to cost me I could buy round-trip plane tickets and spend two weeks at home with my best friend and my family.

I mentioned to him something I wanted for my birthday that actually costs less than his present (he makes 10x more money than I do, also)and he just kinda looked at me as if I was nuts to want him to spend that much money even though he already knows what I'm getting him. Gee. That's comforting.

Not that I'm being materialistic or anything but if I bust my hump and spend all the money I have on his birthday and he does the same thing he's done for the past 3 years for my birthday (either dump me or not even get me a card) I'll pop a vein and shove his present up his ass.

Posted by punk4/punky_kittenx at 4:26 AM EDT
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Wednesday, August 10, 2005
An Explanation
Mood:  a-ok
This is to my friends:

I've been really distant lately and just really short with everyone and I'm sorry. There's just been stuff going on with me that I've just kept bottled up.

I'm losing my sight and my hearing and it's really fucking scary. Can you even imagine what it would be like to live in a world of silent darkness? After a while the thought just started making me really angry at everyone and everything for no reason. I can't even explain why, but I just withdrew. I didn't want to be bothered with all these happy people and their happy little lives. Just when things were starting to be okay (Well, not really okay, but okay enough comparably).

I'm getting used to it now. I've always been ill ever since I was small and there's never been any reason for it. Just unlucky, I guess.

Anyway, that's enough for now. It's late. I want to go to bed.

Posted by punk4/punky_kittenx at 3:08 AM EDT
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Friday, August 5, 2005

Mood:  irritated
Now Playing: Rape Me-Nirvana
I hate Chad's ex girlfriend. She's stupid and self absorbed. All the while she was with him all she could do was cry and whine about how unsteady their relationship was. Um, big DUH here but...I thought it was just common knowledge you don't date a guy who's on the rebound because you both just get jerked around.

Stop whining about misery you bring upon yourself.

And then when they broke up...oooooooooh whaaaaa a guy I dated for a month dumped me. However shall I go on? Oh poor me! This is so much worse than the misery he and I put upon his ex-fiance that caused her to lose her baby who was the only thing keeping her going at the time and that she loved more than she ever thought she could love anything or anyone and that I hoped would die so he would stay with me and not his best friend of 10 years and ex-lover and never speak to her again. Whaaaaaaa!




Posted by punk4/punky_kittenx at 12:25 PM EDT
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My dream seems so real...

Shawn and I were downtown, James & Baton Street looking at all the gothic and sex shops as we pass by (which don't actually exist there.)It was strange because we were part of a giant crowd of a thusand people all marching the the same direction.

...Blank...

We're all walking down a hall. I see circus animals. Two baby elephants are lying on the ground next two their trainers and I yell out "You disgust me!Those elephants are children!! How can you beat a child?" I didn't stop though, I was swept forward by the crowd into a room where there was a line up to be searched. We were ordered to take all our clothes off except for our underwear. I didn't argue. As I stopped at each inspection station i kept asking what this was for. I asked something anbout if we were being microchipped for the government and and the last inspector answered me with a bright smile and bright eyes "Nonono, this is for an experiment. Comepletely non invasive. This is mandatory. Please do not try to leave this building."

As I left the inspection room i found myself in *the* most filthy bathroom I have ever seen in my life. I was told I had to urinate before I was implanted. So, what have you, I complied. After that the doctor in the room did something to me in which I'm not going to go into alot of detail but it involved an enema.

After the bathroom I was lead outside into a fenced parking lot. People were crying. A man kept screaming "It's not fair!!" and I started to try to look for an authority, I was yelling "You can't make me do this, this is against my rights!". Then a woman came toward me with an implatation gun and put a chip into my hand. She didn't do it right so she had to fix it manually. I cried out in agony. Then she told me to "Go left." and I didn't know what that meant so I looked around and saw a soldier screaming at civilians to go left and line the fuck up and there was a girl in the lineup i knew so I thought maybe she'd seen Shawn because I'd lost him but I didn't get a chance to speak to her because we were being lead off into another build.

Two men in white came up to me and ran beside me in the building and the first one said "We're going to need you to be calm and prepare for this injection." and I cried and the other one shoved the needle into my thigh. It didn't hurt. they they turned me toward a cell were there were two other girls my age screaming and crying. I saw needles on the wall and my last thought was "Oh God no. They're experimenting on us like the animals I tried to save. Why me? I tried to help..." and as the drugs took affect i got drowsy in my dream and then I woke up in Chad's bed.


Posted by punk4/punky_kittenx at 9:48 AM EDT
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Sunday, July 31, 2005

Mood:  hug me
I want my razors and cigarettes...
I want my razors and cigarettes...
I want my razors and cigarettes...
I want my razors and cigarettes...
I want my razors and cigarettes...
I want my razors and cigarettes...
I want my razors and cigarettes...
I want my razors and cigarettes...
I want my razors and cigarettes...
I want my razors and cigarettes...
I want my razors and cigarettes...
I want my razors and cigarettes...
I want my razors and cigarettes...


Posted by punk4/punky_kittenx at 5:53 PM EDT
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Wednesday, July 27, 2005
The Dilema
Mood:  down
Another *sigh*

I've been planned to get a tattoo for my birthday and I've really been putting a lot of time into researching everything I need to know before I go get one. I've already picked out the place( http://www.stigmatabodyart.com/ ), I've heard great things about it except for about the artist, Randy, whom my fiance suggested I get to ink me. I've looked at what little work he's put up on the website and a few of he works have been crooked .So I've heard two people say good things about him (one of whom is my fiance with the tattoo that's slightly botched in one place) and 3 people who've complained they had to go to Dermagraphics or some other place to get them to fix what Randy did.
Though, my fiances tattoo was free hand so, can't expect that to be perfect. I'll be getting a stencil done first so...how can you go horribly off from the stencil? The only part I'd worry about Randy screwing up is the island itself. He did Chad's lettering beautifully and though our are not the same font they are sort of similar in a away.



I've checked out another artist, Steve, who works at Stigmata aswell and his work looks good, nothing crooked, no terribly irritated looking skin, and he's done a tattoo that's similar to mine of Cape Breton Island. While I've seen steve's work I've not met anyone who's gotten work done by steve or found anyone on any ink message boards who's had anything to say about Steve good or bad. There's also the dilema of Chad taking my not taking his suggestion as an insult..which it's not. It's just the I'm a perfectionist and if there's anything slightly wrong with my tattoo I will notice it and it will drive me insane. If it's crooked I'll pop a vein because it's stuck there forever or until I can afford to pay for laser removal (which is a looooong way off cause I's be po').

Anyway, it's something I'll have to think about hard. I'm getting this done come hell or highwater...



Posted by punk4/punky_kittenx at 3:15 AM EDT
Updated: Wednesday, July 27, 2005 4:07 AM EDT
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Tuesday, July 26, 2005
Why????????
Mood:  don't ask
Now Playing: With Matches
*Sigh* All year I tell my mom don't get me jewelry. I hate jewelry. I don't wear jewelery. I don't even wear my engagement ring. Don't get me jewelry, it's a bad idea. I hate jewelry. I don't care if you think it would grow on me with sentimental value, it won't. You don't love me, I don't love you, there's no feelings between us other than duty anymore. I have medical bills I need help paying, that would be a better use of money than blowing it on a hunk of metal that means nothing to me.

Could I possibly make it any more clear that I don't want jewelry?

Posted by punk4/punky_kittenx at 2:20 PM EDT
Updated: Tuesday, July 26, 2005 2:53 PM EDT
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Friday, May 27, 2005
Stupid MSN
Mood:  irritated
Bah, I wish my friends used something other than MSN. I hate MSN. I tried logging on a half hour ago and it kept saying my username or password was incorrect. Eventually I had to just say "fuck it" and change my password.

I guess MSN is better than Yahoo! though. I get so much spam messages on yahoo from porn-bots or dirty men. The less encounters I have with men, the better is my theory . . .slime . . .

AIM . . .just sucks. Period.

Posted by punk4/punky_kittenx at 10:14 PM EDT
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Thursday, May 26, 2005
READ SOMETHING!!!!
This is just going to be a short post . . .something that just crossed my mind . . .

How is it that so many people don't read books? I've heard this a whole bunch lately . . .I'll be talking to someone and I'll mention an author and ask if they've heard of that author and they're just like "Oh, I don't read books.". How the heck can you not read books? Anyone who's ever said that to me though has usually been pretty dumb so I can't be shocked . . .but still . . .there are a lot of "short bus" type books available. . .

I just assume that the idiot box has replaced books for a lot of people which is really friggin' sad. . .

I'm going to go read a book now. A thick one.

Posted by punk4/punky_kittenx at 10:18 PM EDT
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Wednesday, May 25, 2005
A Little Bit Of Sunshine
Mood:  surprised
I feel slightly better now. I was on the VeggieBoards and I just realized someone had given me a gift membership. That brightened my day alot. I know it's only like 15 dollars, but I really apreciate it when people do stuff like that. It makes my day. It's nice to know that someone was thinkin' about lil' ole me :-D

Posted by punk4/punky_kittenx at 2:24 PM EDT
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