wHerE's thE jOy oF ChriStmAS?
okIe iTz real memorable.. i spend my first moment of christmas standing at e junction waiting to cross e ever seeming long and dark road~ with face not looking dat merry.. and x'mas tis year is not e same again~ i tried to forget but it affected me so much dat i held back~ not becuz im bitter or wad... but itz e frenship dat makes my heart feel so weak dat im tired..

I blame no one for tis turn out.. everything can go wrong but it e matter of perspective.. and im not handling well

i guess im expecting a lot from tis dear fren of mine and putting him under a unknowningly stress?

or probably my fren is rite? dat i gotta give and take? hmmm.. didn't i give and take? or is it dat im giving him stress? or am i hard to please? or is it dat he's going thru so much pressure in his training and i didn't noe?

why are u always trying to be person dat please almost everybody?? and bottom everything to yourself? at d end of e day u are e one struggling so much and yet nobody knows it.. i noe i noe u wan people around u to be happy but can u pleased everyone at e same time? for once can u spare a thot for urself?


3:30pm now~ and why am i staring into e monitor? whereby i should be ouT theRe rejoicing.. so many things going thru my mind now.. i feel like giving up.. i should be with my CG now.. can i give up now? will my decision stumble others? will those people who hope so much in me be disappointed? Most of all is God happy about it? I noe God treasure Free-will more than anything.. but am i taking it for granted?

itz almost e same season last year where i struggle so much with decisions.....
I dun wan to fall into another depression like i did last year~ it took me so long to get out of it.. i'm afriad im going into one again.. probably itz e transistion dat im not handling well.. GOD I NEED UR HELP!!!