thaNks PeEps
heY guYs! juS waNna say a BIG THANK U! i noe some of u read my blog regarding my xmas~ soRRy if i got any of u worried but am alright now~ things are resolved, settled my emotions, decisions made~

dEAr STAR! if ya reading tis LOVE YA! i noe i've got u worried big time huh? hee.. itz another passing phase~ am encouraged by ur sms's~

& lEWiS i noe u msg me probably becuz u read e blog as well~ hee.. thANks loAdies too! aM touChed by ur act~

leSSons learned - even e most cheerful and joyful people around will have down time as well - Zac

hMM.. kinda jus in time to saY a BIG BIG THANK U since itz thanksgiving tmr~ chEERs..


Often the thing that's really bothering us is not the thing
people see. It's an inner thing.

An inner thing that we often can't speak.

A thing of the heart and soul.

For those kinds of things maybe you need to get in a quiet place
where you can talk to someone that does understand.

Often things of the inner spirit require a greater divine spirit
to heal.

wHerE's thE jOy oF ChriStmAS?
okIe iTz real memorable.. i spend my first moment of christmas standing at e junction waiting to cross e ever seeming long and dark road~ with face not looking dat merry.. and x'mas tis year is not e same again~ i tried to forget but it affected me so much dat i held back~ not becuz im bitter or wad... but itz e frenship dat makes my heart feel so weak dat im tired..

I blame no one for tis turn out.. everything can go wrong but it e matter of perspective.. and im not handling well

i guess im expecting a lot from tis dear fren of mine and putting him under a unknowningly stress?

or probably my fren is rite? dat i gotta give and take? hmmm.. didn't i give and take? or is it dat im giving him stress? or am i hard to please? or is it dat he's going thru so much pressure in his training and i didn't noe?

why are u always trying to be person dat please almost everybody?? and bottom everything to yourself? at d end of e day u are e one struggling so much and yet nobody knows it.. i noe i noe u wan people around u to be happy but can u pleased everyone at e same time? for once can u spare a thot for urself?


3:30pm now~ and why am i staring into e monitor? whereby i should be ouT theRe rejoicing.. so many things going thru my mind now.. i feel like giving up.. i should be with my CG now.. can i give up now? will my decision stumble others? will those people who hope so much in me be disappointed? Most of all is God happy about it? I noe God treasure Free-will more than anything.. but am i taking it for granted?

itz almost e same season last year where i struggle so much with decisions.....
I dun wan to fall into another depression like i did last year~ it took me so long to get out of it.. i'm afriad im going into one again.. probably itz e transistion dat im not handling well.. GOD I NEED UR HELP!!!

To mY dEARest FAith~ if only u can see it now.. ..
Time has come to say goodbye~
Time for us to go our way
Only then we noe we grow
From where we started out

All my wishes give to you
All the love i showered you
Memories will fade away
What u've done will stay e same

Never give up till I see your face
Heaven will we meet again
Run the race and fight the fight
After all it worth e price!!

6:05 is her flight~ leaving tis place all alone..a woman who i admire! someone who is able to travel all alone.. from taiwan to US.. den all e way to Singapore.. being apart from e family for 2 years and yet without a word i hear from her.. her boldness and courage to pursue what she wants really impact me a fair bit.. "wow" is what i breathe under my breath~ gonna miss her so much.. 2 months seem short yet long for me.. but am gonna wait patiently for her..

thoUghtsSssSS.....
wOw.. yesTerDay wAs d eND of mY SOT liFe.. feEl a loT toDay aS i wOke up~ liFe is different.. itz never gonna be the same again..

SOT life is tougher than i thot.. but itz definately fun going thru all when u have good frenz around to support.. when im down and out..

A new phase has begun~ Start my new phase spending time with my so called gOOd frenz who see me thru e tougher times in SOT.. hee..
Bought 3 rings.. signifieds
"Ze Fellowship Of Ze Ring!!" yeah! was hanging out at e hotel room and by e pool side.. wonderful time together.. did loads of crap stuff.. u wouldn't wan to know.. haa..

Came across this article which is wad i feel i myself should pray~

"O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled, as TO console...to be understood, as TO understand...to be loved, as TO love; for it is in giving that we receive; it is in pardoning that we are pardoned; and it is dying that we are born to eternal life."

Have a good fren tat was not feeling so good when he got posted to a unit.. things have make him feel discourage.. am glad tat i manage to calm him down and most importantly make him feel im there for him..not in distant but thru my cares and concerns.. At e same time as i sow encouragement in his life..i reap tat back as well.. e reply tat he make realy touches my heart.. didn't know i mean tat much to him..wan to be e encourager in his life~ So realy Thank God for blessing our frenship... often I always pray to God in blessing e frenship i have and yes HE did!

DediCated to BobBly Bob...
aFter readIng ur Blog.. kinda got inspired to write this for ya.. always remember tat in all things tat u do.. dO it for God~ like wad He has said to u.. u gonna be a testimony for Him.. and i believe it! aM goNNa be proud of ya not jus becuz of wad u've acomplished but ur determination..most of all.. itz wad makes Bobbly Bob..& here u go~

yOu've come so far
And did so well
When setbacks come
You never give up

From all these things
You've learned so much
To never give up and face the storm

A soldier u are
A man u've become
Someone who's there to defense his faith
Thru all these things...You've do us Proud!
Most of all.. noT let God down..

With joy I entered in
With tears I go thru it
With times of struggles and fears
Of that which is not seen

Victories are jus ahead
bUT failures are jus behind
were told not to look back
when time of testing has come

I hold on dearly of wad my God had said
"My child you gonna go thru it"
yEs I went thru it
But now wads next?

A new beginning has come
I've grown from wad I've learned
Never look at myself
But He who created me
One who is uniquely different
So that I'm not the same
A heart that bows down before You
That You can rule and reign
And wherever You lead me
And so will I be~

-Zac-
13 Dec 2003
1:44am

lAst dAy
todAY is e lAst daY of sCh!!!! wOw 10 months have pass.. so short yet so long... past 2 days of sch have been a teary one.. everyone jus seems to wept in e presence of God.. probably like me thinking back at how God move and change my life... itZ been a challenging yr for me.. ther's time of struggle, joy and frasturation.. but all these have past.. and have come to another phase of my life.. wE goNNa be e carrier of e ORal tradition.. or not forgetting our dearest City Harvest tradition!! eVEryOne gOnna release out as individual.. not under e protection of school.. facing challenges alone.. but definately win victoriously! aLL e Best to All!!

toDAy alsO went down to CHETC for interview for my O next yr.. was not discouraged by their advice but am struggling with decisions now.. itZ seems like next yr i gotta put in 110% of effort and 200% of time.. they know tat im gonna take my own CG but.. can i affort to?? itz either i do well in sch and bad in CG att... or good in CG att and bad in studies??? possibly 2 ?? seriously i've given thots to it... worst come to worst.. im gonna give up CG ministry.. cuz i want to be a leader tat bear good testimony.. in family and of cuz in results.. will see if im accepted then i'l talk to pst bout it.. haiz.. anybody out there to help me????

gonna pack my bag and get ready to go for rehearsal liaoz...

today today today~ lesson was good.. chapel was great.. lecturer is cool.. everyone is doing alright~ so am i!

butta.. had headache e past few days.. probably of all e rain..got drenched a couple of times.. arrgh.. man~ but itz alright...

was in church e whole noon till evening..cuz of zone prayer meeting.. then a kind soul came down early to entertain me MAui~ (hee..thanks dude!) and also got a prezzie from him... for dunno how long he owe me..hur hur hur.. from e 2 of us in cafe become a NS men gathering...!! hmp! wad else?! they'l only talk about NS stuff.. which i've heard so so so much about it.. kinda like part of my lesson in sch..haa.. well.. but itz quite interesting to hear all these when i'l never have a chance to experience it myself..

hmmm.. been feeling a lot these few days.. about wad? also dunno haa.. mixture of almost everything.. especially leadership....freNz.....future.......

wiLL i ever do a gOOd job?
wIll i ever giVe up?
wIll i ever feEl tired?
wiLL i cOmproMised?

i Noe all these will come when i feel like giving up, worn up or even did e lousiest job around..even attacks come from both sides..even if i gotta stand alone, even when people lost hope in me.. i noe God is still there for me....

bEcuZ HE hAd cALled me
HE'l neVEr leaVe me
bEcuz HE trUSt in mE
tAts whY i hAve it
bEcUZ i Love HIM
and So i'M gONNa dO it!

wAds mORe? I've coME tOO fAr tO gIVe uP nOW.....

aRRgh!
fEEling sUper loUSy ritE noW~ arrGh~ *sCreAMsZZZZZ* whAteVEr!

alMost dONE wID my dRawiNG.. noW in e Midst of pAinting~ (yes U heArd me rITe! Im dRawINg~ waDS Up wiD tat?! iM a arT stOOdent bacK in sEc sCh okIe!) e cuRRent art iM drAwing is kINDa like tribAl plUS abit or indiaN styLe~ wOO hOO~ gONnA cONtinUE lAter wiD e PAinting.. itZ onLY one quArter doNE.. itz kinda big thou..majong paper size...

oh itZ 3pm can collect my photos liaOZ..

cHaOZ.. and yes Im still very piSSed oFF..

my dAy joUrnAl...
today had a great time at CG.. i took on e whOle CG meeting myself.. nervous of cuz but thank God for SOt cuZ kiNDa like beIng tRained up foR tiS..

hAd a sHort meeting.. then went to d arcade then BBq dinner.. was fun... then i end my day at ORCHARD..agAIn!! foR e 5th time tis wk alone..

yesT wAs a biT sAd foR me.. cuZ didN't manage to buY my skater shoe... dOn't haVe my Size..aiYah~
weNt ouT wit my SOt scH mAte.. had dim sum buffet.. waS gRossed oUt in d end.. haa.. thEn meT up wiTh my Knight! huR huR.. wAtch an OutdOOR coNCert.. wAS GoooooD.. buT kiNDa liKe too SOulish untiL im in a daZe after tat.. haa.. & yeS noT to mentioN my FriEndstEr.. a freN wrOte a suPEr lONg teStimOnial foR me!! (Maui if U hAppeNed to reAd tiS..ThANk U!! lOVe uR teSti!! hAA.. )

tAts aLL foLks! (o''o)