Life, In General Janaury 06, 2001

   Life, a funny word, no matter how you try to please someone, or something, you can try your best and it still wont work. Believe me, I've tried. When things get so hectic, you cant slow them down. Dont you wish that there was a pause button on life? to where you can just stop everything? Or even just a slow motion button would work just fine for me..... to make the good times go by slow and that bad times go by fast...Too bad that lifes not a VCR! I wish...But alas...We need to be careful of what we wish for. But then again, who knows..... We sit here and say that our country is free...Free from what? the bull shit that caused us hell to begin with? I just think it's a bunch of crap. It makes no sense to me why people can sit here and say we are free when the government charges us taxes just like they did in england...The only reason why we pay taxes is just so the people on welfare who are too damn lazy to go out and get a job...can have money, which is supposed to be spent on food, but more often spent on drugs and alchoul. Please, stop me if I'm wrong. I just think that we acually need to take a step back and look aty what we are doing. be cause if we dont, we will ultimately destroy outselces. I dont really want that to happen. ya know? OK I'm done with whining about the United states economy and how much the government is trying to bull shit us...oh well....just my thoughts on a subject...

- MoonDragon

Life's little secrets? January 07, 2001

   You know, life has alot of little secrets. I tend to think that they are really a bunch of little lies. Oh well, I suppose when you can sit around and watch people how they are completely opposite of how they preach. You begin to see how much you must come to enjoy how you live your own life instead of always following someone elses example. I've never really understood why people do that anyway, I mean it's just not right to live your life like you're really someone that you're not. Everyone is an individual, but oh well, that's just my two cents.

- Drgan


Things that bug everyone..I hope January 08, 2001

    Ever notice that when you are dating someone that other people start to ask you out even more? Ugh! It's so agrivating. Before I went out with my Currant Boyfriend, I have next to no one asking me out, then the first week I was with him I had about 6 guys ask me out, since then, it has been like 15 or 20! It's driving me mad! I remember when I was young thinking "Oh, no one will ever want to go out with me..." Damn, was I wrong or what?? My next rant is that When I want something done, I WANT IT DONE! Like when I tell my mother that the kitchen needs to stay the way I have it (CLEAN!!!) She goes in there, creates a disaster like a fucking tornado went through it...And the makes some excuses on why she didnt clean after herself...It pisses me off. I keep the kitchen clean after every time that I use it, why cant she? It makes no sense to me! ok, nothing makes sense to me. Oh well, I am just cumfused.

- MoonDragon

I just hate . . .January 09, 2001

  Hmm.. a few things I'm going to rant on hating today. . .

  • People that mention previous conversations a day late
  • Girls who constantly bicker with out warning or need
  • People who try to retort with the same insult used on them.
  • People that retort with insults that wouldn't make sense had they known the two people

  It really pushes a thorn in my side when people, mainly girls, constantly talk about people. They talk about them with out even caring if they are around or not and then go do the same things that they are talking about. Infact, it pisses me off even more when they know they're wrong and won't stop arguing simply because they are wrong. And when an insult is used on them, such as the word hypocrite, they say it back, on another day with out even pondering into the fact that the two people doing the insulting that day. Infact, the two people joking, constantly talk about each other when the other is not around. So it can not be so hypocritical of them to talk to each other like friends inspite of that. Infact each knows that they talk about each other and find it pleasant to hear some of the insults said of them. That is a bit of truth in my week.

- Drgan


Need I say more? January 10, 2001

Ok, here are some things that I am going to be ranting about today...I am going crazy with this shit.

  • When someone Instant messages you, says "hey" and doesnt reply back, What the hell is that about? I mean, I sit here, and try to be nice, and reply to the lil assholes, and they dont say a word? what did I do to them to deserve this? my point exactly, not a damn thing. People in this world just need to get shot..well some poeple anyway...I just get so frustrated when people are ignorant.


  • When people start to talk when they dont know what the hell they are talking about. I had this Christian come up to me today and start telling me I was going to the fiery pits of hell for practicing Wicca. I told him, "Ya know what? You get your head, out of your ass, and start thinking for yourself, all you and your christian friends can do is sit there talking about a god that someone just thought, oh to hell with this..we can sit here and make something up, no one will ever no. Fuck this shit!!! I believe in my own religion, and if you dont like it tough. LIfe ain't fair. Chances are you will probably meet someone else that has a conflict in religion, so back off my ass!" Needless to say, He left me alone..see what power of words can do?


  • And another thing, what the hell is this world comming to, damn, if we have anymore wars and shit I am going to have to go somewhere and kick some serious ass. It just makes me so mad when the media says that there are peace talks going on in third world countries and then they turn around and point a gun to the Leaders head and say-"This is what you call Peace!!" what is up with that? cant people just get along? I guess not. OK I am done for the day...

    -MoonDragon

    When a girl looks like a man. . . January 11, 2001

      I really dislike it when girls make it more difficult to tell who they really are. I mean, when a girl dresses up all thugish it's okay, some of them look sexy but when they look just like a guy, even up to the point where you can't see tits. . . That's just sick. . . I mean makes ya wonder, if girls like to complain guys a prototype and girls as the better one, then why do they insist on being guys? ? ? I couldn't care personally but I like knowing that my girl, MoonDragon is a girl. Thank goodness for that. :)

    - Drgan


    Driving... Janaury 12, 2001


    Ok, Ok I dont drive or anything, but my boyfriend (Drgan) does. heh, if there is one thing that is a major peeve with me, it is those damn drivers..who think they can do all this shit, and then they get themselves into accidents. Go figure, Drgan however, is not one of those... He is acually a safe driver, but not cautious by all means. He acually is pretty daring when he drives...but I never at all feel like my life is in danger...until you get all these dumbass drivers on the road...heh, but he manages to avoid them...sure, we are the typical people..we go too fast, until we get behind a dumbass who thinks they can drive better...Which is normally NOT the case He is the best driver I know..even better than Me :P (He's gonna get me on that one I already know!) But back to the stupid Drivers... When you are going 60, on a 55 mile zone and then you get these old people (no offense) going 35. It's so annoying...and then on a 3-lane road, you get all three cars in front of you staying side-by-side. UGH it bugs the hell outta me, no way to pass them... then one starts going a lil faster, then slows down again...I swear they do it to piss me off.... thats all they want to do.. THEN.. You get the cops...heh heh heh...hiding in the darkest corners of the street, one where you cant see them comming... so they build your confidense, you think " oh, theres no cops here tonight" then you pick up the speed...25...35...45...55...65...and then WWWEEEEEEEEEEEEWEEEEEE...damnt, you know you've been caught. Ugh Cops piss me off...but luckily.. Drgan has never had a Ticket..or even been caught...surprisingly...But all is fine and dandy when I am with my boyfriend....Ok well That is all for today...
    -MoonDragon

    Red cars get higher statistics... Janaury 13, 2001

      I remember earlier this year when I was involved in a conversation about cars, speeding tickets and accidents. My CNA teacher happens to enjoy statistics, he claims that red cars are more likely to get speeding tickets because they are usually faster. Well today I witnessed the result, they are unique and easily seen by a cop or a person they almost cause an accident with.

    -Drgan


    Men, and they're BUll Shit.... Janaury 14, 2001
    Ever wonder if guys acually do get jealous if your talking on the phone to another guy? I am so curious on this topic. I mean, When I call my friend...My boyfriend just kinda stays outta the room, and doesnt really talk to me, then he's really quiet and all...UGH! Oh, not to mention the Male PMS...he's getting pissed at me right now cause I am writing this. OK I rest my case...PMS... He saw what I just wrote and sticks his tounge out... TYPICAL MALE! UGh, they piss me off. But thats ok, Cause I do love him...But then again thats only one rant..Hold up, just found another, he just threw a god damn pillow at me!...brb gotta go beat him UP! ok, I lost on that one...he made it into a kissing war...ok..I'm talking 'bout men,....WEll you cant beat em up cause their bigger than you, you cant live with em and you just cant shoot em (damn) men...hmmm talkin bout men. UGH men have this thing where they say something wrong...and they know it, then they turn around and say "I love you" and then kiss you. Damn there so full of shit. male sluts, what can I say...Oh by the way...Girls, if you do find any nice guys... Hang on to them, cause I already got my own...Even though all the other guys can take a few lessons from my Drgan....OK now I am boosting his ego tppp much..Ok. I stop...well, point of this rant is to tell all about the Male pms. Symptoms are:
  • Showing off, acting like an ass, ignoring you, being something their not.

  • Men have these symptoms 24/7. ... in other words...ALL THE TIME!

  • Theres no point in telling them to clean up, because they wont, you can sit there and bitch all you want...it still aint gonna change a damn thing.

  • Telling a guy to change is like trying to break out of a jail...Very difficult to do, but yet not impossible (Not like I would know or anything) :)

    Ok, I am done bitching for now, until he gives me something else to rant about. oh yeah one more thing...the rant he did yesterday...Boring? eh? hehe I think he just didnt have anything to put...But ya know what? He was kinda preoccupied yesterday...so give him a break...Guys are an okay species...sonetimes :) ok I am done. oh oh oh, get this...On the way home From Drgan's House, The Coolest thing happened....well, we are at this stoplight, and this car beside us is revving up his engine...Now we all know, (as I have said in previous rants) that Drgan likes to race. So he did the same, and the other car got a lil bit ahead but we still KICKED ass! we were going about 115MPH! it was awesome!!! I loved it! well at the end of the race (was cut short by a damned red light) I waved to the guy and rolled down my window and told him he did a great job with keeping up with us! He said "anytime anytime" I think he had fun too...But hell, DRGAN AND MOONDRAGON STILL WON!!! Call the newspapers and tell them...oh did I mention we were driving an automatic and the roads were wet?? :)
    -MoonDragon

    What makes nice guys turn into "assholes"? January 15, 2001

       Hey guys, I think most of you can side with this next statement. A guy's many girls, whether dating or just being friends with, generally cause him to become an asshole. They nudge on that they want nice guys, pure guys that haven't done anything. Well when it comes down to it, you have to be someone who can do something, not someone who hasn't and won't. Which means sometimes being an asshole makes them appreciate you more. Don't ask me how this works, it just does, like many things in life. Sex eventually leads to kids, no one is exactly sure why such a fun activity does but it does. Parents fight more the older their kids get, no body knows why. . . Luckily, my woman doesn't try to turn me into an asshole, she just tries to give the normal silent treatment that girls do. Over the course of four straight days I have managed to survive mentally and physically with her around. Scary thought? Not for me. . . I love her. :) Some common reasons why guys change:

    1. A girl tests her boy friend
    2. she bickers to her male friend about her boy friend
    3. she tells a guy who she knows isn't getting laid, "oh the sex was good"
    4. the silent treatment for no reason
    5. monthly pms from the chick!
    6. no body knows why...
    7. did I mention that girls complain alot about small things
    8. how about those same girls doing the things they complain about
    9. forcing a man to be masculine instead of tamed
    10. telling a man he's lazy
    11. a lie.. it's all a lie i tell you...
    12. a girl talking to another guy and then saying it was nothing
    13. the other guy telling the boy friend he just got cheated on
    14. all hell breaking loose by him just being alive
       Don't get me wrong here, I love girls with all my heart. Just I love some more than others. Take MoonDragon for instance, she's my girl friend. Only the girl I love the most gets to be my girl friend. :) She hasn't done much to change me from being nice, just tried to take away the mystery that she for some reason felt in me. Not happening! :) I love her anyway :).

    -Drgan


    Battle of the Sexs! Janaury 16, 2001
    uh huh, ok Drgan. You wanna play this game, your on! I have some topics I want to discuss. The main topic is: REASONS GUYS ARE ASSHOLES (or act like one!)
  • They are stuck on themselves (Well most of them)
  • They're Egos are wayyy too big, each time they get laid, their bigger....
  • They call us bitches and shit like that...We aint no DOG! I mean, do we look like a dog??? I didnt think so.
  • when they are around their friends they act like we dont even exist to them....
  • They Assume that we know what the are talking about!
  • they say scary words, like wife, cleaning, laundry, cooking...How am I supposed to react???
  • When they dont take care of their family...ya know when they dont take care of the babysister and wont change their diaper? I think that deserves the silent treatment.
  • when you guys think you know every damn thing on the earth yet cant learn how to spell right! I mean come on! that is pathetic!


    Ok I am finished, But it pisses me off. oh one more, when guys know they did something wrong and then turn around and say "oh I love you, please talk to me I love you so much" UGHHH that just makes me even more mad! ok I am done now...I will have some tomarrow!
    -MoonDragon

       Today I witnessed a couple of funny things. One being this girl in my class named Nicole, she has this odd thought that if she talks to someone else with out saying my name that I will not know she is talking about me. This is unfortunate since I do know when people are talking about me. Also, someone named Nate decided they could race me? Oh my, how wrong they were. Apparently after what I thought was a joke, my girlfriend learned that the other guy, Nate, was actually trying to keep up with me. Scary thought, I lost him when I hit 50 mph... I think he was about a mile behind me, I don't know for sure. So I figure why not just remember my old saying, I'm just here to piss people off. It's easy when they let themselves become easily agitated. Welp, I'll stop my rants for now. Life does go on, I do piss people off, I do have a girl friend, I can't be that bad. . . Everyone say hi to MoonDragon for me! Don't forget to tell her that I love her! Oh wait, I just did. :)

    -Drgan

    Nothing and the neighbor... January 18, 2001

       And the rant for Today is....Nada! I have been trying to think of a rant...and I cant think of anything...UGH! I hate it when that happens, I can try and think..Writers block suck big ass! ok, anyway... If I start another rant about guys...Drgan will KILL me! So I wont start that...ok, hmmmm... I dont know what to say... I guess I am running out of rants here huh? oh oh oh I got one... My nieghbor, Chippy, has decided he wants to race Drgan...BIG mistake...lol He wants to race Drgans Tracker, against his friend Nates lil Bug..it's an ugly silver lookin thing..so he tries to make it sound "cool" by saying that the Bug is a Turbo. ha! I laughed at him...I mean, what the hell am I supposed to say! He is so dumb! He sits there saying that the bug could beat the Tracker anyday...ok, yeah uh huh I'll just agree with him on that one...NOT! They dont have half the driving skills that Drgan does. Even if they did they still wuoldnt beat him. anyways, Now, Drgan is standing over my shoulder. heh heh heh..now he wants to see what I wrote...men...lol But there is a diffrence, he's not just any man, He's MY man...So Babielove... Back your ass off lil girl...same goes to you nacaza.. So kiss my white ass...heh heh heh. ok, well That is all for me today..talk to you all later....Buh-byes!

    -MoonDragon

    Retired Racer January 19, 2001

       Being a retired racer is kind of cool. People like Chippy are forever trying to convince me to race them. I'm sorry man, I'm retired. I retired almost a year ago when I lost to a souped up musting 5.0, looked like a classic too. That was my second loss out over a hundred speed races. Oh well, if I ever do come out of retirement, I'll have a fully souped Toyota MR2. I'd like to see you offer to race against that biotch. :) Btw when I get a cell phone for it, the alarm will be actived through it. :P So if you step near it, the MR2 would call me.:)

    -Drgan


    Excusesb> January 22, 2001

    mmmhmmm sorry folks, it's been awhile since I have been doing the rants, and then a whole chain reaction, espeshally for Drgan, He's been backed up on rants because I have, and the reason why I have been backed up is because I have had alot of homework that I have been catching up on...and a few emergencys this past week...So I have been busy..Plus I havent really slept well, so My eyes wouldnt be able to focas anyway! well thats my excuses for the day...but thats not really a Rant...oh well, live with it!

    -MoonDragon

    Babysitting Truama Janaury 23, 2001

    ok, today I did not have that good of a day...One of the children I watch...Ended up going to the hospital..I feel it was my fault...even though Drgan says it's not! She and I were sitting down watching Coyote Ugly ( A great Movie!) and she got bored, well she went to go look for the video games her mother had taken away from her lil brother...well she was plaing in the Closet and ended up getting hurt on one of those old wire folder thingys. well she had about a 3 inch gash in her leg. and I knew right away she was going to have to go to the ER. SO I called her mom and she called the nieghbor to take her and she went to the hospital to meet her...She ended up getting 6 stiches....I still feel horrible! No matter what you say Drgan...I'm a horrible babysitter....

    -MoonDragon



    Problems Janaury 31, 2001

    Sorry about the whole thing with Drgan or I working on the rants, But the truth is, that we cant do this every single day...It would get way to hard to do. So we will start to try to do it atleast 3 times a week. basicly whenever we have time. Lately we have been very busy with school and family, not to mention life in general...plus Drgan and I have had a few arguments in the past week, He's so jealous. I dont know what to do, I cant even spend time with my guy friends. How am I supposed to deal with this. It's hard to talk to him because he apologizes and then he tells me he loves me....Ugh It's so aggrivating! Love is a word that doesnt mean that much anymore, I think when someone says that they love you they should at least know you for a long time in order to say those words. I mean, I love Drgan, But not as a boyfriend/girlfriend type love, more as a best friend or brother type of love. But I dont know how to tell him that...After one fight we had He wrote this letter..of course it is a guilt trip...here it is:

    Hey babe, I know I'm an ass at times, I've just got alot on my mind that will never go away. All my life, I've been used or abused in some way or another. It gets real difficult to believe that someone can care for me beyond the point of that. My day has always closed knowing that I've helped another to gain social heights or even economically. The education I have in writing comes from listening to others and living through the pain of their rise to power, to joy. It wasn't until I dated Samantha that I began to feel secure into who I was and now am. I felt like she loved me so much, it turned out she was only using me. Sometimes when I look at other girls, even you, I begin to wonder why? Why me? I'll never understand. All these girls I see and know, their lives so completely different, yet so completely the same. To each, I am me, a savior from pain. I sit here listening to Lincoln Park - In the end and the only thing I can think of is how I'm hurting you. I just see so much in you that I recognize from everyone I know and how I don't want to lose you. You're so different from everyone else. . . I don't know how but I'm sorry I turn out to be so jealous at times. At times I just want to break down and cry because my world has caved so far in on me. Lately when I think about how I won't graduate on time and how I have a little sister now. . . Everything changed so quickly, I used to be the Ace. The people I know on the net are going away and growing up. Many of them becoming things they dislike and never wanted to be, only because they couldn't escape the society they grew up in. . . It hurts me so much to see the world . . . A disgrace to it's children . . . :\ I'm torn in every direction from the things I see and here, you're the only one who listens to me . . . And if, everything I've done lately compels you cast me away like the skin of a snake, I'll understand. . . .

  • - My cousin, a now sixteen year old mother of one, soon to be two, runaway.
  • - My uncle in prison for beating my other uncle.
  • - My other uncle, in the grave cause of an unusual brotherly argument.
  • - A sister so new to me. . .
  • - Chris and all his troubles
  • - Mom on the edge of losing it forever. . .
  • - Dad dieing a slow death. . .
  • - All the pain felt by people in school and around me. . .
  • - My Aunt, preparing for another divorce. . .
  • - My friends, smoking, cheating, stealing, losing themselves. . .
  • - My final failure. . . :\

    And do I add you to my list? I worry! Yet you do not see why, you do not know that my friend Danielle, comes to school every morning complaining about how her employer doesn't want her to have a life. How her mom and dad become all bitchy only to keep her from seeing Rylan. All the poor little 9th graders I once knew that used to be innocent. . . I do worry my dear and it gets to me. . . The world IS on my shoulders. . . A delicate moment needs only a word from my mouth. . . to fix or break it all :\


    I'm sorry. . .

    - Drgan


    Well. That was his, nice guilt trip huh? What am I supposed to say to that? get down on my knees and beg for forgivness? I am not that type of girl. So I reply:

    Drgan,

    We all have our problems... Some of us may think that we have the world on their shoulders, But in truth, we barely have a fraction of it. I can see it in your eyes that you still love Samantha, and I respect that. You cant deny it Richard. I'm not a fool. I know you love me too though...I wish you could understand where I am coming from...It is very difficult to make me angry, or even mad....but being upset is something I am always. If I am not upset about one thing, it's another. There are days when I don't even want to be messed with. I just want you to understand that. People cant control who they are to become. I myself, am letting fate take me wherever it may lead, may it be the grave or somewhere else. I am not one to sit there and know that a friend is in pain, and not try to help and comfort them...I'm just not that type of girl...I dont ditch anyone in their time of need. I am not one for guilt trips...I dont like guilt trips, and I dont pay attention to them...I dont give in to them....Lately though everyone is making me feel guilty about one thing or another. I dont want you to sit there and be jealous all the time...There is NO need for it at all. I am not like other girls. I dont go out with guys because of money, or because they have a car, or anything like that. I am just NOT like that.

        Another thing, I have more stress on me, Then you could ever imagine. I am constantly trying to earn money, that I know will be spent. I have tried to save it...But always I am broke, I have tried to get a job, I cant. I have tried to do good in school...Not working. I have tried to lead a life...heh no chance. I want to be with my family, I cant. I want to live with my sister watch her grow up, be there for her and help her so she doesn't make the same mistakes I have. You have that luxury. I dont. You dont know what it's like to have your brother and sisters taken away from you...You know who your father is. You know more things than I will ever know my entire life, And not only that, you have more things than I will ever have. You are so Lucky Richard, and you dont even realize it, and chances are, you wont realize it till it's gone. I never realized how much I loved Sammie until she was taken away from me... And you will never understand that. Being torn is hard, But being torn and scattered is harder. Richard if only you knew about me, you would understand how I am...I am not this hyper person, this childish person, that I normally act...Inside I am darker than you could ever even imagine. I dont show it, Because I cant, and I dont know how too. The only reason I had ever wanted a boyfriend when I was younger, was because I didn't want to be alone...and now it has become a Need, an Obsession, something that I cannot control....I would have sex with a guy just so I wouldn't be alone. I dont know why you are staying with me this long...The only reason I am always have sex with you is because I know that you like it...and I am afraid that if I dont that you will leave me. and I will be alone once again, but yet at the same time I want to be single, and be free to make my own decisions and guide my own life. But constantly I am being pulled back into the confusion and solitude of my life. And I cant control it...The reason I am always away from my home is because I try and run away from my problems, my life, my lies, the world I have tried so hard to defeat. It is impossible to know that in a way I am lying to you, Because I am not what I say that I am. I think more and more about my life, and the way that it is going. My thoughts have become one with my heart, and I cannot think on my own. What am I supposed to do. I cant trust anyone. I try, believe me I try to trust someone...I just cant. I dont know how too. I am so scared of doing something wrong and waiting for people to turn their back on me, I guess you could say I eat up all the friendship I can get...because in the end it wont last. When it comes down to it, when I have a serious problem...I KNOW no one will be there for me. These are things I know.

         I cry myself to sleep every night knowing that I have lied to one more person about myself, Told them one lil dark lie, to hide myself, to try and protect myself, I dont go to sleep at night because of the dreams that haunt me. I cant deal with it. I worry more and more, as each days passes by me, wondering when my day will come, when everyone turns their backs on me, I know it is soon. it could be within the next week, I dont know. Soon my friends are going to start slipping away, like they were never part of my life. I have seen it so many times in my dreams, it has almost become a reality. You dont realize what I go through. I have never just thought about myself, always about one friend or another...never worried if I am going to get hurt, because I already know that I will get hurt. I can sit here and try to deny it. But denying it wont take the pain that I have away. I am probably the only one on this earth that can see it. My pain, Is like a pit, an abyss. Something that goes on forever, that can never end, an endless circle. You cant see this stuff...I do. I see it, and feel it, with everything, every sense that I have. No matter what I do. Things will happen...So you see the world is not on your shoulders, it is on everyone who lives on the earth, more likely we are on the earths shoulders. I cant make you understand what I am trying to say, But everything I have said, is the truth. I dont know who I am...all I know is that what I am, is a dark, desolate. I was never meant to love somebody, and at the end, the love will go away...I know this...

    -MoonDragon


    So that was my reply. I can't put up with it anymore. I mean, why should I. I cant put up with him. What am I supposed to do... somebody help...I know he is going to be really upset and pissed off when he reads all this...oh well.
    -MoonDragon

    I'm sorry people, That was really low of me to do that...But truth is, Do I really deserve anyone? No. I can already answer that question. I dont deserve anyone....and never will. What I do deserve though, is to be a loner. Oh well. Right now, Is probably the worst day of my life, I have totally fucked up my life....and Drgans. We are broken up now. Even though I did it, I feel horrible, None of this was about him being jealous, it was all about me...I know how stupid I am for even trying to love. Because I know that it will NOT happen. Ever. No guy will ever want to love me. THey may say that they do, but I know that they dont. no one can ever fall in love with me. This I know for a fact. I dont deserve anyone, or anything...so this may be the last thing I put on this webpage...Because I dont know if I will ever be back...Even though I know hardly anyone knows about this webpage anyway. Good-Bye.

    -MoonDragon The heartbreaker


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