Emails (from all times)

Mass Email List
little_bit@hobocentral.com
FairiePrincess8@aol.com
WildAeSthEtiCs@aol.com
JJavaman0@aol.com
fight2live@yahoo.com
aka117@hotmail.com
Jadedfirelilly@aol.com
ssnikpmup@aol.com
HolllyBrandt@aol.com
DotSplotch@aol.com
gata_del_sol@hotmail.com
hooliganfat@hotmail.com
Deepasthesea@aol.com
Bobbiesbiz@aol.com
Jonoguess@aol.com
PaleNewDawn24@aol.com
Fluxofsteve@aol.com
Albertrr33@aol.com
LittleVeganStar@aol.com
deputychick_2000@yahoo.com
Dragongirl024@aol.com
DIskate9@aol.com
lucas_a_thompson@hotmail.com
Donteverything@aol.com
BlakStrz@aol.com
ElBeeJay03@aol.com
spyderpunkgirl@hotmail.com
MissUndrrrstood@aol.com
mylegra@hotmail.com
rootsrover@excite.com
natalylynn@hotmail.com
PattiMac74@aol.com
NeversayforeverX@aol.com
starseed5@hotmail.com
PuNkERCHk342@aol.com
paaep@hotmail.com
supercally22@hotmail.com
Parmatree@aol.com
HHRanch13@aol.com
PerkyGoth4@aol.com
lifein76@hotmail.com
persephone467@hotmail.com
anakin7897@aol.com
Ariabliss@aol.com
Vanessamess@aol.com
Artbrat203@aol.com
chineseopera@aol.com
SaveDaCowz@aol.com
PunkApiXy@aol.com
tao20@hotmail.com

These people, in various forms, received the mass emails over the years...not all of them wanted too. (And this is grossly inaccurate, FYI...)

Oct. 25 2000

--mass-- The fuel tank is low--I am running. The fuel tank is low--I am running. Running on empty, running to resolution, running to truth, running to being, running to nothing. That is right, what I write, nothing, I cannot do it, I try to be beautiful and to create beautiful things, but the overbearing force of the negativity at large is drying my voice and my pen and my fuel tank...but I am still hoping. Sometimes, I sit and think about all the stories I have told and can tell and all the ones I will experience in the future to tell in the future and I wonder what is the point. I know what my end is, what I am attempting to attain, what I am expecting from them, but nothing happens. To me, telling truthful stories of experiences past is teaching. I am teaching everyone about the way I did something and the outcome or result so they can have a foothold on knowledge should they ever attempt the same. Most just laugh away some stories and forget them and shoot them down as false--one thing that I attempt to do without hesitation is tell the truth about who I am. Aris Hedon: Online Journal. If this isn't complete truth about what happens and happened in my life (and to keep the honesty flowing, these are not complete, there is so much more untyped), I do not know what is, I am a little shaky knowing who may read these notes, but honesty is the answer and this is it. This is your friend, this is someone you have never met and now may never want too, this is your brother, this is your son, this is your nephew, this is Aris Hedon, this is Brian Bailitz, this is me. This is truth coming straight out of my hand and my mind and my heart over months and years of agonizing a way to be successful and I have realized that I am. But still I lack faith in people, I lack faith in myself because I have tried and I have failed in so many endeavors to heal the wound of hate that runs deep in the society at large. I continue to hope and heal and love and begin, but with each new day I find that it is a little harder because of that person who shot down the idea of love and freedom the day before and sometimes I do not even want to face the world, I just want to lie in my couch and sleep and be obese and lazy and let all the hate circle around me and fester on my body until I absorb it again and continue my previous path of destruction where I left off. I know that some of you could probably care less about what is happening in my life--you have your own problems or you are just really angry with me right now (BeeJay, Tiffany, Alex, Melissa, who else?). If you really do not want to associate with the good I am attempting to spread, to associate with me, just let me know and I will be saddened, but it is just another bump in the road, or just another rock thrown at my forehead in an attempt to get this kid to shut the hell up and lie in bed and be hateful and be destructive in all of my obesity....and I am sure that day will come (how does the saying go? --if you are not rebellious at twenty you have no heart and if you haven't bought in by thirty you have no brain). Well, you will all have some thinking to do about how you view me and who I am now, so maybe that is a step forward--maybe that is progress.

Nov. 1 2000

-- mass-- Going through a realization period here, it is kind of like puberty. Thinking of what I have done and am doing, where I have been and am going and I have realized that it all means nothing, because right now is truth and what I do with it is fact and I am life. I am going to NY in a couple of days to hang out, and then I am flying back to Oly for a day or two at which time I will hop in a car and drive to Tucson, with the person that understands me best. Gandhi once wrote that to speak before complete knowledge is to compromise the truth, and I have noticed that I have been doing that alot lately--speculating--so do not be offended if these emails end, because I am going to try to stop doing things that don't really matter....like working a meaningless job that contradicts my existence. Yeah, I am about 800 in the hole right now and I don't really care, because I continue to miss work and go off to do things that matter...some people believe in god and I believe in the singularity, neither god nor the singularity ever wanted this miserable existence for our being. Life is and whirlwind and I am riding the wave?

Nov. 3 2000

--mass-- Here we are folks. NY. It is fun here, after a long flight and no one to pick me up I got in town about midnite and went to see my ex roommate who had no idea I was going to be here and after greetings she asks: "You are not moving back, are you?" Then I talk to MJP and his roommate and go over to Robs house...he is drunk, he went to a bar in Manhattan instead of picking me up at the airport, oh well. We talked today alot about his art show and armies of minds being built to collapse the structural bounds of the society today, he is such a beautiful person, I love it. I am going today to Anjelicas Kitchen in Manhattan, a beautiful Vegan restaurant I am so stoked. The Tucson trip is cancelled, because of postponement of the festival, sorry again for speaking before I really knew. That is okay though, because it is rescheduled for sometime in February and since young Stephen and I have signed on to do a workshop there we will be there then. Further plans are as yet unknown. I will be back in Oly on Tuesday.

Nov. 13 2000

--mass-- I did not vote in the presidential elections, I am a free man and I do not need to elect someone to rule over me, I do it just fine myself. That is hard for some people to grasp so I will go in depth a little for you--and you probably don't even care. Well, COUNTRIES ARE DUMB. I do not believe in the institution of countries nor the oppression they create. I belong to no country, I am not American, I am not Swedish, I am not Irish, I am not Male, I am not Liberal, I am just Aris. The rest you decide. Because in my heart and my life I believe that being myself is one of the hardest things to do and one of the most rewarding, so I attempt to become myself embrace and enjoy myself and things are coming into focus now. Yeah, I know my parents named me Brian and it may be an insult to them that I choose another name, but they did not know who I was when I was born they knew who they wanted me to be--they had expectations and we cannot have them because if one does not fulfill them there is disappointment.....am I a disappointment? Not to myself. That is all that matters, because I am the ultimate ruler of myself. No one else can get inside my head and tell me how I feel, no one else can get inside my head and tell me what to say, what to do, how to respond, how to act, I just know. That knowledge makes me myself. Countries try to take you and me and our personal beliefs and wrap them into one national average of belief, popular belief, and seeing as though I may be the only person that thinks the way I do a country will not fulfill me needs. Countries can only fulfill he needs of those that run it and directly influence with greed. GWB has his hands in the right pockets, big oil, big HMO, big money money money, he will do fine for himself and his family, but for me he will do nothing, I do not choose to identify myself with his empire. I look at my self in this respect: Sometimes in cartoons and movies and such a character will have a rain cloud over their head and it will only be raining on them. That is my country and it is always sunny, if you want to come in, do it, and we will grow. I do not believe in oppression, as I have said before proof to those that know me I AM A VEGAN. I do not believe in the oppression of animals and I will not eat them or products make from their death because of that. I believe in equality and although my dreams/beliefs may seem farfetched and far-off they still seem 100% sunnier than even Ralph Nader or Al Gore or Harry Browne or GWB, or any one else who was running to attempt to rule you and I. They cannot get to me, and they will never be able too.

Nov. 20 2000

--mass-- VEGAN STRAIGHTEDGE. Yeah, when I was younger I looked at these people with eyes of fear...I remember seeing this really little kid at a bunch of random shows at Off the Alley and Metro and Fireside Bowl in Chicago do a weird lone circle moshpit dance and he was vegan straightedge I knew from the three X's tattooed on the back of his neck...some of you may remember this kid. Or Dan Martinez when I was seventeen trying to mentor me in to breaking away from society...but he rapes little girls and he wasn't even straightedge. And then there are those people that say you are not really straightedge unless you have never tried drugs like Justin Schwier, and I definitely do not fit that category. I adhere to my own form of born-again vegan straightedge...in an attempt to label myself more and more so those that actually care know what is happening...because I have trouble keeping up with my own life so I am sure it is impossible for some of you. For those that don't quite understand this I will break it down. VEGAN: Not consuming or participating in any way in the exploitation or slaughter of innocent animals, that means that I do not eat any products derived from animals or that use animal products in their production...like sugar or white rice and other interesting things. STRAIGHTEDGE: Not participating in drugging ones body. Ingesting no chemical substances that will alter the mind. Those are just my personal perceptions of the two concepts. I just wanted to let everyone know that I never expected this, even three years ago when I met Dan Martinez and he explained it to me and I was very interested, I never thought I could accomplish it. Especially the people that did drugs with me or at least saw me on them and man oh man did I eat meat back in the day, I even defended a meat based diet before...that has all changed now, as have I.

Dec. 1 2000

--BabyBlitz2019@aol.com-- All I am doing Tuesday, is realizing truth about myself and society. In this struggle, I am finding that many of our societal beliefs are inherently false. NOT TRUE. Christmas has no meaning in the grand scope of things, except for Americans to buy things...it is an ECONOMICAL HOLIDAY, the country, the government, the corporations, all hinge on this holiday. I work for the corporation and I hear things like "this is what we worked all year for". To get people to realize what this holiday truly is and perhaps to reverse it would be magnificent. While I may be pushing you and other family members away in the process of realizing myself, it is not entirely my fault. It also lies in your hands for not accepting what I know as truth. The majority has done this for years and it works. Badger the real thinker, the true person, the questioner. Destroy their beliefs and make them conform BY ANY MEANS NECESSARY. Wars have been fought because I don't want to celebrate Christmas, because my mode of thinking is not linear with the "mass majority". I am not, you are correct here, trying to push you away, come with me, if you really want to be a part of me. If you want to be there, then come here, come to my mindset and see that what you believe now may not necessarily be WHAT YOU BELIEVE, but rather what you were TAUGHT to believe. I am myself, I am who I choose to be I am who I really am. That sounds like it doesn't make sense, but your threat or notion that I am pushing you away and if I want to stop that I better just start celebrating the economical holidays. If that is the way it has to be then I will simply have to push you away, because I AM ME. You can be you, if you want to. It is not easy. Living without, sure, I can live without anyone, I have done it and will do it again, I can live without any guidance because I know who I am. I welcome guidance and help so long as it does not conflict with my belief, with WHO I AM. And if you really want to know who I am and be part of my life, you can go ahead and read that book, Conversations With God. I hope I haven't made you angry, but if I have, so be it.

Dec. 4 2000

--mass-- ANGER MANAGEMENT: Anger is not very good in the sense of "being angry". Anger is in all of us, it is natural, how we expel it is up to the individual. One may choose to destroy another living thing, even one of their own, one may choose to destroy non-living things, one may transform it into housework, one may use anger as propulsion for overthrowing the government, follow? Anger is up to the beholder good or bad, it is up to you. I like to think I handle my anger well, I will write long emails that are meaningless to most, but to those that understand they are gold, I will write in my Diary, I will read a book, I will plot to overthrow the government, and kill the president, but we don't even have one now, so it doesn't matter,--and while I may plot I will not carry it out today, because right now I don't agree with manifesting my anger in that sense, but one day I may and if so then I will already have that blueprint waiting for me. It is all an elaborate plan that I have preformed in my head and called life and as I continue down the path of this life that I formed long ago I am remembering the plan that I formed and I am utilizing certain tools that I prethought and only now manifesting--follow? Basically, I created my life and the plan for my life and as I live my life I remember what the plan was and then I carry it out. THAT IS TO SAY THAT I KNOW EVERYTHING, just haven't remembered it yet. You do too. But not about me, about you. Do you want to even remember who you are? that is up to you, I have planned for myself a long time ago the task of offering to individuals the chance to remember who they truly are, but most shrug their shoulders and say they would rather be ruled--RATHER BE CONTROLLED. I grow angry at their prospects. It hurts my soul to know that so many would rather ignore themselves and be what someone else wants of them. I utilize that anger as conviction when I take on another soul and offer unto them the chance to be who they really are.

Dec. 10 2000

--mass-- I know exactly what I am doing...but I don't know what I have done. I understand time and I accept that it always moves no matter how much I would like to halt it or even slow it down, it always moves, it is unending. Time. I understand and accept that I will always be a part of time no matter whether or not I choose to be active in time, it and I still move. Together. I believe that with time I can understand and accept that my existence is meaningful and that my soul never dies. My soul, your soul are one with time, together we interact as one and when we understand (together) and accept the fact that we are one, then we will begin to understand the role our unified soul plays in the existence of the singularity, of God of truth of being. I am almost crying right now. It is not because I am sad or hurt, but because my thought is so beautiful and words cannot express my thoughts justly. WORDS ARE MEANINGLESS AND FORGETTABLE. Remember that, God told me. True thought is awesome. It is essence and essence is beautiful, true thought is beautiful and to express true thought takes away its truth and while it may still be beautiful it is not essence. I don't know where I am going with this, I guess I am tired. Let us all hope that things go well and maybe one day we will be together again. Somewhere under the stars. Maybe in Texas. Think of just how beautiful that would be. I have never lost hope in this belief, at least not for very long. Everything that I thought was right is turning out to be. Listen, can you hear it? Listen. Everything has fallen right into place and then look, tell me if you see it, tell me how you feel--in my heart, I already know it, but tell me anyway. Sometimes I would like to think that I actually have things to do and I entertain the notion by doing things and everything falls right into place, by thinking that I have things to do and doing them that gives me something to do and while I do things that help others, I think I am doing right. But still I am not satisfied, I don't know I guess I never will--I guess the answer is there is no answer. Water is wet. Everything seems to coincide...I remember why I started this! TIME. Time always moves. While you read that rant time moved (and not just the clock, but actual time) and while you may have not moved while you read that time still did. That was you in limbo. Time might be the essence, the beauty of life. See life continues, it stays in limbo....that means that time is relative--in direct relation to the situation. That means that if you take two rocks and set them next to each other they both experience time, it relation to their situation, which is the same. If you kick one rock it moves (unless it is big like boulder) and in relation to that situation time moves, but in relation to the rock that didn't move time still did, but in relation to the situation. So time always moves, in relation to the situation. So if you don't do anything, time is still moving and it wont stop (in relation to the situation, if you do things time moves and you do things, but if you do nothing time moves as you do nothing; so instead of watching television, you should go kick rocks and watch time moves in relation to other situations...), so do things now and try to do good things, because that is beautiful, essential.

Dec. 16 2000

--mass-- "Somehow, through psychotherapy, ways must be found that are the equivalent of a mother's bonding.. In addition, we must figure out ways for humans to separate from childhood itself and its automatic given to obedience, and become free individuals capable of making responsible decisions. The latter one is also difficult for it means the willingness to stand alone. " --http://liberationpsych.org/020498.html \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\ I read somewhere that scientists conducted an experiment--they wanted to see when altruism gives way to self-preservation. So, they put a mother monkey and her infant in a cage and began to heat the bottom. It took awhile but eventually the mother monkey stood on her infant. This experiment, however cruel and unnatural, proves that "mothers bonding" is not ultimate bonding. It fails in the area of without condition. A friend of mine says that his mother is the definition unconditional love. I offered upon him that experiment and he was disgusted (for varying reasons, one being that we are both strict vegetarians). Anyway. I don't believe that mothers bonding or parental love and caring is truly "good" for "making responsible decisions". I know that may not be what you are assessing there, but I gather your thoughts to be: that a replacement for parents is needed, not because parents do a necessarily bad job at raising children, but because necessarily bad children are the outcome. The parental relationships young people have with their parents (however good or bad) are the results of the society with which they are raised, including (but not limited to): their home life, their school life, and their friends. To decipher the answer to "separation of childhood" it lies in the question of childhood. It is virtually non-existent today (I live in America and always have so these opinions are based on America), because society deems that it is unnecessary. Twelve year olds make more than their entire family not only through show-business and internet entrepaneurism, but as sex slaves and prostitutes. It is a sick society and to get to the root of it is to prove the unifying theory of life. The "WHY". Maybe you can help with this as I have been toiling for quite some time and have evaluated and realised many things, but as to offer a "prophecy" or theory I am hard up. Hah.

Dec. 21 2000

--mass-- Through all the toil and torment we trudge everything we attempt to correct (or, better yet, change) continues the same. Is it that we haven't enough force behind us to back up that old saying ("the task ahead of us is never as great as the force behind us"). I think that is not the reason. The answer lies in education. Educating is a tough issue. It stretches to virtue. A good teacher (or refresher) should also be virtuous, no? And we could say that the majority of educators are not necessarily virtuous if we defined virtue as good. Virtue, however, is slippery in the hands of definition. But, it could be said that an educator should be virtuous and the current stock of educators lacks that necessary quality and, as a result, their product is flawed. All eyes perceive things differently ("I think the table should be in that corner"--when both corners are the same excepting the side), therefore, no all encompassing perfection could be attained? Does this saying disprove a theory (or belief) that I hold of unity and oneness? I think not, because, although we all use different eyes and see things differently, we all see the table. And, in reality, it makes no difference which side the table is on. It all depends on the room. If one would have to resort to destroying the table to get it across the room, that should automatically dismiss the other option, right? If we look at the table as we and the room as life and the corners as freedom, we prove that our current way of life is THE DISMISSIBLE OPTION. Both corners house freedom, why must we resort to destroying the table (us) to get to the other freedom when we could simply end all wars and agree that it gets us nowhere but broken and position the table (us) in the nearest corner (freedom) of the room (life). Is that confusing? The nearest corner is peaceful protest and world government assistance in their cease and desist. Take the easy path, the violence free path to freedom instead of engulfing ourselves (the table) in war just to get to the other side. Maybe it doesn't make much sense, but, as a piece of the table, I would like for us to stick together and fight for the nearest corner. That is accomplished through peaceful protest and compromise. Could this work?

Jan. 4 2001

--natalynn@hotmail.com-- Happenin? Hi. This is Brian. Remember? the guy that was supposed to come see you from Chicago and from NY but never made it. Yeah. I am living up here in Olympia WA now. But I am leaving on the 24th of Jan. for Arizona. There is supposedly a Vegan Solidarity Festival that I would love to be a part of. Yeah. And after that I am going to Texas to see my old roommate in NY (whatever that means) she is in a not good state and misses me so I am going to oblige her with a visit. And after that (probably sometime around June) I am going to go back up to Chicago because I haven't been there in awhile and my little sister (who isn't that little anymore I hear) misses me too. Yeah, so around the country people miss me, it is a good feeling to be missed, but not to miss someone so I am doing my best. I have not actually been to Florida yet, it is one of the few states I am missing, so one day this kid will definitely make it out there--if you would still like for me to hang out there with you? Maybe. I don't know. I am going to be constantly moving for the next five months or so, so I don't know how reliable I will be. And I guess we should catch up on the web page stuff. The Peace Page is basically void, I cannot remember the password so I haven't deleted it yet, but when I do , I will. There is now: www.angelfire.com/punk/paaep www.angelfire.com/rant/arishedon www.paaep.org And that is my life now. There are people that know me as Aris Hedon out here and in NY (and I guess some other places around the country). I basically keep up the PAAEP and its following (right now I am running the PAAEP Coffee Shop out here in Oly--no kidding). it is not as big as it sounds (to me at least) but it is growing. Hopefully everything will work out wonderfully. Peace and Love Aris

Jan. 6 2001

--ElBeeJay03@aol.com— I am round--some would say plump, but always they would say pleasantly. I am tired--karaoke does negative wonders to a young boy. I don't even sing. I just sell coffee. Yep. That is what I do and I guess it is good this way, because what other way would it be and better? I don't know. Yeah, it is One O'clock in the morning on this side of the country and I have to open this store at Seven O'clock. When does the lad sleep you may ask, well, the answer is: the lad does not sleep much on the weekends. It is generally horrible. But that is okay, one of the great compromises of life I guess. But, honestly, I don't really know. And the junkies are all right, they don't get out of hand, they are just a bit too emotional. I guess that might not be a great term to use since it is so close to your family, I don't mean to say junkie in a bad way, these people introduce themselves every night as an addict it should be expected that such societal dubbed derogatory words would be employed. I feel justified in calling them junkies, but I know that I would never say it to Lucas or Rick or Michelle or Shoobie or any other one of them to their face. I guess I am an all encompassing hypocrite--and that is something I do not deny. Understanding the word hypocrite as one who endorses a certain way of life but lives life in another way is definitely a hypocrite and I definitely fall into that category. I think most people do, but that could just be a defense mechanism to correlate my own shortcomings with the shortcomings of society at large that I seek to dis-identify myself with. So, in this reality, I guess I am doing okay--but there is always room for improvement. Peace. Love. Brian

Jan. 7 2001

--mass-- And that is how I feel. I try so hard to keep on moving and in the end I am always catching myself thinking of the past--the time I spent just wasting away with whoever. I don't even talk to most of those people anymore (or they don't talk to me). Tiffany and BeeJay and Melissa and Abby and Steve. These are the people that I feel I have some real history with, some times we spent together that other people wouldn't understand...some special time where we grow immensely but don't even realize it until the time is past. And I find myself wishing that I could transport myself back to those certain stages in my life and not even know what I know now, just to go back and relive those happiest moments. Those moments where we were just wasting away but having fun and living the way we did. I can only assume that everyone wishes these things, that it is natural to look back on your past in a way that is momentarily traumatizing to self sustainment at the moment. Like right now I am a shaky mess. I am totally alone again and will be for awhile. It is sad to think of it that way, but until I make a new friend to share time and waste away I have to waste away alone. I am heading away into the trail again soon, and I don't really know what this little adventure will bring--certainly some great things. I know that I am going to experience immense ends this year. Meaning that many loose ends are going to tie themselves up this year and my soulular weight will be lifted going into next year as I began a new nine year cycle. But I guess that is all mystical thinking, huh Franko? I don't know, I just wanted to share some of my feelings with people I know and people I don't; with people who care and with people that will delete this; with people that have already received numerous emails from me tonight and with people that will only get this one. Anyway, thanks everyone for being there when I need you to be if you are and thanks everyone that isn't there when I need you, because that just means that I don't really need you. Peace and Love to Everyone Hope to see you soon! Brian "Aris" P.S. If anyone here knows of someone that I should be talking to that I don't have an email address for, email it to me!

--ElBeeJay03@aol.com-- I was walking around this barren room I call an apartment just now and wondering if I really talk and write in a way that is hard to understand. I find that I don't. I have really been feeling myself out here in this last few minutes and I find that when I talk to people my feelings get mixed up with actions. When I write to people it is pure feeling, this is who I would like to be, who I am inside. Outside I am still the same guy and if I were standing on your stoop talking to you, you could probably understand me perfectly. It is also a matter of wanting to understand, these are my feelings and if you want to take the time to learn how I feel that is not hard. It may be that delving into a relay of feeling would be too much. I mean that I am pure emotion (emotion=energy put into motion) everything I do is emotion--has feeling. This is my true feeling and it comes out like this in my head in my writing. I like it. If you have feelings too, if you are emotion (which I think you are--everyone is) then the only response to my emails is your feelings. Not how you feel about this or that, but how you feel--period. BeeJay feels, BeeJay has emotion, BeeJay cries and BeeJay rejoices. If BeeJay would like to share this with Brian, he may. If not he, can decide not too. Brian chooses to share feelings with BeeJay. If BeeJay just doesn't care, that message would best be relayed using direct action (telling me). Just a little story to close out this here e-mail: Brian has a brother, one day (a few months back) Brian was talking to this brother of his and he told this brother about some theory or something (some feeling) and this brother said "I don't ever want to speak to you again, fuck off." and that was the last time Brian spoke with his brother. just pointing out that Direct Action works. Peace and Love Brian

Jan. 8 2001

--ElBeeJay03@aol.com-- That is awesome, totally. It really is a good thing to be honest. And that letter was to everyone I know--really, just a reminder to everyone that although I am not there that I still miss them and do my best to be around them and still please my soul. Because tiffany, says that she really misses me around her and my little sister Rebecca is sad that I am not around, my brother wishes that he could just talk to me now, my dad just wants to know where I am, Steve is gone, rob wants me to be at his art shows, Rachael out here wants me to stay because we "just started really hanging out" and I just met Lillian, but she wishes that I weren't leaving too. My task is to go all these places and make really good friends in a relatively short time and then uproot fresh and get in contact then come back to an open arm and love. You know? Like tonight was great, it was open mike night at the shop and although I didn't read Lillian did and Francesco Barcelona did and he is awesome, and this guy Nick came and played a few songs. It was great, I stayed open 'til 11 30 p.m. and then walked the four miles home. On the way I stopped by the expressway and thought about jumping. It was kind of scary, people say that I have been really depressed lately, sleeping 12 hours a night and stuff, but I have a cheery exterior? Maybe I am lying to myself. I don't know. I just want you to know that I don't forget about the things that we did together and the time we spent together and I hope that one day we can get together and do it all again. I just hope that one day I will find that certain truth that I feel I am growing towards every day in every way and one day just say "wow, there it is and it is beautiful" and then turn around and be everywhere my friends are and just be continuously happy. Maybe that is death? that would be a sad resolve--true happiness is only found in death. So lets not believe that, let us believe that this life is full of awe and wonder and no matter what we do we will experience that awe and learn its truth and then we will become awe and truth and I am really tired and theorizing about things I shouldn't..... Peace and Love Brian

--punkapixy@aol.com-- That is awesome that I am one of your best friends. I tell people (like my brother tonight) that I have about four friends. Those are you and Steve and Rob and well, I cannot think of a fourth, but hopefully one day Frank will be on there! And I talked to my father and my brother tonight. My brother and my dad had a heart to heart talk with each other and they both wanted to have heart to hearts with me, so it was a good night. I am definitely going to visit them sometime soon, things seem very good out there now and I would like to be a part of that. And I hope I can see you too. I know that while I was living there, there was tension that drew us apart and kept us apart, but this distance has given me feelings of loss, like I really miss just hanging out. And that time here in Olympia was awesome, that week was one of the best weeks I spent out here. And next time I am in NY to hang out with you we can really hang out and talk and everything because although we are so far apart now I feel 100 times closer to you and I think that that has sewn the wound that opened when we lived together. Sorry I didn't want a relationship when I first went out there, I wanted to know Tiffany for Tiffany first and then make a decision. And I think it is best that things worked out the way they did, I really learned alot about myself and about you and about life and I tell so many people that you are one of few friends (and by that I mean a friend that will never leave me, not just someone friend for the moment a real friend) and I feel so lucky that I have at least three of those and that you are one of them and I am rambling with happiness! Okay, so I am really serious about you meeting my family because I am getting really tired of explaining who you are to them. Everytime I mention you to them they say "who is tiffany" and I say "the girl I lived with in NY" and when that all works out , everything will be better....I gotta stop now. Peace and Love Brian

Jan. 11 2001

--supercally22@hotmail.com-- That is funny that you have a crush on Matt. I don't know, though. When I was delving into you, about politics and stuff; I didn't think he would jump on, but he did. So, I don't know. I like that he was agreeing with me, he seems like a nice enough kid, but I try to not make value judgments (or at least not tell anyone about them, because I instantly make them in my own head and then hate myself because of it later). Francisco and I talked about you after you left though. He likes you, only because you remind him of Nikki, in every way he says. Your look and your politics. How you are set in your way of being editor of the Oregonian (?) and stuff. Whatever, you can ask him about it. But we both agreed that if someone pushed your buttons correctly you would open up to entire new world of thought. Personally, I think that you are trying to hide behind "society" to try and keep yourself up on a level that you don't necessarily agree with. This stems from conversations with you not necessarily about society and politics (by the way you answer family questions and other things--all psychoanalytical) this also stems from your direct actions and reactions, your deeds, your undertaking of climbing Mt. Rainier--this stems from you not wanting to drive your car from the college to downtown. I guess I have just been keeping a close eye on what you say and how you (re)act and stuff. I don't even do this with everyone. Just people that I think (in my instantaneous personal value judgment) are hiding something or that have suppressed potential. I talked to Lillian too, and she said that she was sorry she didn't make it down--she is sorry she let you down. Anyway, we can talk about it more whenever you want. Peace. Love. Brian

--dotsplotch@aol.com— Hi. Wow. Much stuff today. I got an email from my little sister Rebecca who isn't as little as I think anymore, and I got an email from my best friend Steve who is riding his bike around the country right now (he left on the 5th of Jan. from here and he is now in Eugene OR). I love to hear everything, everything excites me to be everywhere. Yes, I am leaving soon. I don't know exactly where I am going, butt somewhere south. Life is so great I am such a happy boy and I love everything. My emotions are so turbulent though. Right now, I am co-owner of a coffee shop--just a little dive. We have N/A meetings and live music and open mike nights and stuff. I built a stage in there tonight with a buddy of mine Francesco Barcelona. He is very cool, he is about 35 years old, poet, carpenter, chess master, mountain climber, crabber. Everything I am learning from him is awesome. He hiked the Olympic mountain range three times alone, he used to run a fishing boat up in Alaska. He has just been around alot and has some good things to say and beautiful poetry and he is funny and just someone I would like to hang out with more. I guess I am very healthy, people see pictures of me and say I have lost a lot of weight, but sitting like I am now you really cant tell. I know some really good people out here and am only meeting more. It is truly an awesome experience. I have seen so many beautiful things out here, or at least noticed them more than I did in NY--like yesterday the sun was shining and it was so beautiful I cannot even describe it. Oh, life is just beautiful. I guess I have found what I was looking for out here and part of that was God. I am not a born again Christian or anything, I just found something to believe in and it is really driving me to be. I found it awhile ago, but it still comes it spurts. I don't know, it is just making me see beautiful things, or maybe it is just all the cute girls out here and their liking of me? I don't know. I am leaving here on the 24th of Jan. I am going south...I think I will ditch my ride somewhere around San Francisco because I want to see someone speak there. Michael Parenti, political speaker. And then I am just going to roam around the American Southwest for the next few months and I am supposed to meet Steve up there in June, so with any luck you will see me in June! Peace and Love Brian

--CreativeSoul420@aol.com-- Hey. I am really sorry if I scared you away. I have just always been into meeting people and learning from them and helping them when I have the chance. Sometimes I don't know what I am doing, if I am going too far or delving too deep. I am just me and I travel extensively, I live freely, and I meet people (through various means). I am usually in WDC for May Day, but after last year I don't think I am going to go for awhile. I know this guy Alan in Chicago that drives about a thousand young people out there every year from the Chicago land area to participate in the spectacle of Communism and Solidarity and he got me into it. But, whatever. I used to live in NYC and my roommate out there really wants me to move back whit her, because she misses me waking her up in the morning to go to the city and eat Vegan food, because she stayed up late the night before with some boy. Last time I saw her I was going to Benny's Burrito's on 1st Ave and I roused her and her boy trying to get them to go with because the day would be awesome, but they stayed there. Oh well, what I am getting at is I may be moving back out that way someday and perhaps we can get together? If I haven't scared you already. I am really serious about all these things, I change my mind alot, but the hard facts, Tucson in February and Chicago in June are too true. In between I will be roughing it in western Texas and southern NM which I hear is no fun for a vegan. But life is about getting by and getting through and I can get by west TX. I know people in Dallas, I just need to get out there....I don't drive cars because of their involvement in the destruction of the natural environment, but I ride in them and I guess that makes me a hypocrite? It doesn't matter, I am still young enough to where I can use the excuse that I am still learning myself! And isn't that the truth? Anyway, if you want to talk to me you can. You know my screen name--my phone number is (360)786-0997 or (360)705 1867 (at work) my address for the next 14 days is : Brian Bailitz 207 N Washington Olympia WA 98501 after Jan 24: Brian Bailitz --I don't even remember my parents address hah. ask me about it later... Peace and Love Brian

Jan. 12 2001

--PaleNewDawn24@aol.com-- Yeah, so I am not really lonely anymore, my emotion is so turbulent--it is like technology. As soon as I profess a feeling I feel something grander and I could either upgrade or wait awhile because I know it will change soon. So this time, I am upgrading now, because this is a great deal. You were right I did get quite a few responses from this, and there was sympathy, but that is not what I wanted, I just wanted to let everyone I know that I still think of them--that I am not so far in the future that the past means nothing. Some people, like BeeJay, think I am trying to be too profound, but I am just trying to express my feelings and it is hard to get the words right... Anyway, that is not important. I am great! Things in my life have had a sudden upswing that is very welcome, I think it is because I am leaving too. I have been living here in Olympia for the past 8 months and on Jan 24 I am heading south. For what? For the south. To hear Michael Parenti. To be in California. To be in NM and AZ--to be out of Washington. And that is funny, because I love this state, I love this town and the people (however stuck-up and hip they may be) here and I will probably cry when I leave. I am probably going to be back in the area in early June to meet up with Steve again, but I promise nothing. And my plans change often, but here they are now: I am leaving in a car with some guy named Nick on the 24th and he is dropping me off in San Fran. I am going to stay somewhere there until the eighth of Feb. to hear Michael Parenti speak. Then I am roaming for the next four months and am going to somehow make it up to Chicago Land by June. I am going to have about $400 in my pocket, a book bag, and hope. It should be awesome. But I could come crawling back here after San Fran or get hooked on heroin in Berkeley and fade away on the streets trying to live a punk rock wonder life. Who knows. All I know is that here I am and soon I will be there and that is really it. The all. The illimitable. Peace. Love. Brian

Jan. 13 2001

--artbrat203@aol.com-- You know, we haven't talked in awhile. that is okay. I forget your girlfriends name, I am sorry. She is there now and you are happy? hopefully. Hopefully you are happy even if she is not there. I am happy. I am going to San Francisco soon to see Michael Parenti speak. He is a political speaker, and is currently rocking my world--he is like 70 years old. Awesome, anyway, that is on Feb 8th and I am leaving here on the 24th on Jan. My friend Nick is going to drop me off on his way to Bullhead City AZ. After that I am probably going further south, like AZ NM TX areas. Tiff wants me to meet her up in New Orleans on March 4th, put I don't think I am going to make it. She said that she would pamper me if only I would come back to hang out with her. I told her that I would see, but I will not jeopardize my aims to hang out an d be pampered--life is about roughness! I am heading on this trip with a very loose plan and very little cash, so I don't know. I know that I will be in Chicago in June to see my little sister who isn't so little anymore I hear, she really misses me and I miss her too. After that I may try to get back to Canada, as I have ran into some land out there, south of Winnipeg. Frank out here owns it and hasn't been there since 1974, he said I could do whatever I wanted with it, some 30 acres. That is cool. I am going to try to send a package out to you soon with some important things that I hope you keep. I will mail them out before the 24th, ready or not. And you don't have to keep them, but it would be really cool, because I believe that you will be a very good friend of mine for awhile and I should likely be able to get a hold of you whenever and wherever. Maybe that will change and that is awesome, change is, but what the hey, I am taking a chance on life and if you aren't there in the end, so be it. That is my new outlook and I am very happy for it. I am going on this trip with one bag, a backpack, with two changes of clothes and a book to write in. It should be something special. Hope to hear from you soon, my mailing address is null and void from now on, if you need to send something: Brian Bailitz 405 N Lafayette Griffith IN 46319 I will get it in June. Hint Hint, it would be awesome to have something waiting for me. Also I am rethinking many things in my life after meeting an awesome person (Francisco Barcelona) out here and I have been reassured that the way of life I am choosing can work out well or excellent. There is no losing. And there is no right or wrong, just different. And blah blah, babble again. I will hopefully be back out that way before the end of this year, so if I don't talk to you soon, I will see you sometime then (?). Peace and Love Brian

Jan. 18 2001

--supercally22@hotmail.com-- Lillian thinks that you like me too much. I don't know why, maybe it is because I portray the situation to her in a biased light? I think you may like me too much too. It is actually kind of scary, because girls are not supposed to like me. At all. It is even scary how Lillian likes me. Okay, so I portray the story to Lillian like this: Rachael says that she cannot believe that I am actually leaving and she keeps on asking me questions about settling down and family life. Different people take that in different ways. I like to look at as many things as I can as objectively as I can. So, perhaps you think that the way I live life is really interesting and gaining knowledge about why and how and what is going to better your understanding. That is awesome. Some people could see it as a testing of the water. Whatever. I don't know why I don't just bring this up in person? Probably because there are usually other people that would look at it in a light that is not conducive to actuality--to reality. And what is reality? CHAOS! Just joking, I actually believe in God. Weird, huh? My conceptions about God are not necessarily copasetic with general thought about that being. I believe that I am part of God's soul, essentially, that I am God. Or at least, I have the potential to be God. I have the skills, but the understanding is what I am lacking. You ask me about philosophy or a driving thought (force) for living. That is God. And I don't understand that yet! I am still learning. For all the things that I do understand are paltry compared to that which I must understand to understand life. And, honestly, I don't know what I am doing. When I was 15, I called myself on all the lies I told with this "I really don't know anything, I just have a lot of common sense". And to an extent that still holds true, I have seen many things, and although I didn't participate in everything and actually feel the feelings associated with participating I have the sense of what the feeling is through seeing it. That is confusing. It has always been easier for me to express myself through writing than through talking. That is why I am writing this, because I could never phrase it right in a speaking role. And about the whole liking thing, it is just viewing a situation. I like you, I love you, I love everyone (I think I said this before). I love Francisco and I love Frank and I love Lillian, and I love you and your Mom. Hah. I learned from my friend Rob in NY that being afraid of love is the worst way to conduct a life. So I am not afraid of love. There is this crazy fifteen year old girl named Aurora that really wants to have sex with me. I am afraid of that. That is not love, that is stupidity, that is welfare state and dependency and many things that I don't necessarily agree with. That is a one way ticket to compromising my beliefs, my dreams, MY GOALS. What are they? Well, although I cannot write them and explain them, I can explain the antecedent. And that is one thing that I learned from being vegetarian. When explaining vegetarianism to others try to focus on things that you can eat instead of things that you cant, focus on a positive rather than a negative. So, I will retract the whole antecedent thing and tell you my goal. My goal is autonomy, is equality, is peace, is freedom, is love, is truth, is life, IS GOD!! And my focus is encouraging others to appreciate a life free of enemies and reasons to hate and so forth and so on. Well well, I have ranted enough. Peace. Love. Brian

Jan. 19 2001

--supercally22@hotmail.com-- Hi. When I say "like" I don't mean anything beyond a friend relationship. When I say girls don't like me, I mean that, they aren't not supposed to and they don't like me for a relationship (beyond friends). This is because I do not hide anything, and, probably because -- whatever. I will tell you this, I live my life, I don't like to be restricted or tied down in anyway and unless I am weary of certain things, that can happen. Francisco (after you had already left, actually, at 9:45) asked me not to talk about his whole child thing, because that scares him. He didn't say that, see, I can just feel that. He is totally wielded out about the whole thing, it complements his chaos theory, but slaps him in the face at the same time. That is kind of how I am right now with things. I have been sexually abstinent by choice for about two years now, it will actually be two years in May. Why? Because when I was having sex I was abusing it and I don't think that I am ready to appreciate it yet. So I say live by spontaneity and everything works out perfectly and don't be afraid of anything. Well, I am very afraid of getting into a sexual relationship. It is kind of like my theory slapping me in the face because there have been at least three situations where if I lived by my principles I would have been having sex. Actually, more. I will recount to you the ones that I really remember well. Right before I left Chicago for NY, actually, the night before, I was sleeping in my car with all my stuff in there and I met this girl and I ended up going home with her and blah blah. We slept, well we didn't do much sleeping, in the same bed and did things but I restrained myself. Four days later, I am in NY with Tiffany doing the same thing to me. I restrained myself. Then there were a few other close encounters in NY and in Tempe AZ, I actually got too drunk to fuck (Dead Kennedy's song). Yeah, and I don't even remember it, Steve told me about things this girl and I were doing, on the card table next to the pool, in the lawn, on the fence, everywhere. I am very happy that I wasn't conscious, because even though I didn't remember it the next day, I hated myself for it. I don't know how to look at girls in a light that isn't sexual, so I tend to push them away because of my fear. I am learning though. Frank, being around him helps, because I could end up like him and that kind of disgusts me. I am searching now, for love and truth, not for lust and sex. So saying things, that just helps people to appreciate a situation. Like, Francisco was really bummed out the last few days, scary like. I found out last nite about all the stuff he has been going through and now I know why. That kind of stuff helps. Letting you know that I think you like me too much because you are sad that I am leaving and Lillian is too, that scares me. I don't know why? I don't think that I make that kind of impact. I am just a kid that doesn't know anything, not even himself and I am trying to learn and in the process I am making people miss me. I am generated grief from my own happiness. It is like a power plant, sure it pollutes the earth, but I can use my stove because of it. I feel bad, I do, that I leave people behind and that they miss me, okay okay--example: the people that miss me are balloons, right? okay, and for me to keep those balloons up I have to be there to blow air into them, so I have to be in so many places at the same time to keep things inflated or else I lose the game. That is how it is. I think? I don't know, I just woke up, and I will probably see you before you read this. What I have learned in my life, however, is that different people take the same thing in different ways. How do you eat your Reeses Cup? Peace. Love. Brian

Jan 20 2001

--mass-- So I was just looking at eBay, at old CRASS and other punk stuff and wondering where the hell I am. Yeah, I did the whole punk thing, got into it, changed my way of thinking, revolutionized me. That is what I wanted to do, revolutionize myself. Before the whole fiasco I hated myself, truly--negative mental outlook. Now, I am pseudo-happy and being the me that I think I am and trying to be the me that I have always wanted to be. There are bumps on the way, and there is that taste of destruction in my mouth that I used the past, manipulated it to form me in the present. I wonder if that is okay. I don't listen to too much punk rock anymore, don't even have any music at all really. I am not living by a stigma that I have to be defined. I am me and that in itself is as much as a definition one needs. You are you and there is no rhyme or reason (or at least not one that we all want to talk about or even remember for that matter). I cannot tell you exactly how or why I got into the punk scene and how it directly affected me, but I do know that although I am leaving the music I am not leaving the influence or the movement behind. I am growing into a being that understands certain social truths and in an attempt to dispel them or turn them over, I sacrifice my well being. I need not any outside conditioning that I know of now, that I feel. I can take on the world right now, in this life, in this mind in this body. I can. The music was a building block and a constant reinforcement of ideals, but not one I need at my side. I would be lying if I didn't say that music defined who I was for a period in my life and I don't want to lie, that has changed. I would be lying if I said that I am perfect and know what I am doing--I am far from perfect and have no clue about anything. I am not even sure about me, how could I possibly purport that I am sure of another or even of an idea? That to me is absurd. So I am no longer labeling myself as anything aside from me, no longer defining myself through dress, social standards, words, food, music, life. I am judging myself as objectively as possible and concluding that I am me and that is enough for right now. I am going into the forest soon to pound into me that I can survive without outward forces reinforcing what or who I am, I know now. And I will come out of the forest, hopefully wiser and more ready to move forward again. With Peace and with Love. Me

Aug. 16 2002

--mass-- You know, I was thinking. There was a time where I sat and wrote emails to people about the thoughts and feelings that ran across my body. This happened when I was on the west coast. I have been numb. There has been very little feeling or thought running over me. I hope that no one takes that the wrong way, everyone has affected me some in a supremely positive way. But I still have that feeling of numbness, like I don't have anything really going on in my mind. I try to have an idea and it is stifled in my head before I can get it out. It is a condition I have bestowed upon myself, I came out here for that. When I left California I had been writing about this power taking over me that felt wholly wrong but as I look back was probably wholly right. See, we are brought up to believe certain things, to accept certain things, to eat certain things. As we grow up we can either embrace that mold or break out of it. I think what I felt when I was leaving was the breaking of the mold and it scared me, I was honestly frightened of myself. I longed for the complacency of average American life. To sit in front of a TV and play Nintendo. I have done that since I have been back here and it was not what I was looking for. In Narcotics Anonymous they expect you to relapse, to get back into to drugs. I think I had my relapse to the mold, as I was slowing getting out of the drug of life, I felt scared because I would lose that stability of addiction--forever. So I have been on the drug of American life for a year and a half and it is also tearing me apart...but I know how it works. I think I am going to get off of the drug again and see where sobriety, where truth will take me. My sponsor right now, Steve, has offered Portland to me as a place to kick the habit and I have accepted. I am leaving on Sept. 9th. And hopefully I can get back into the groove that I felt the previous time I was out there. Or maybe an entirely new groove. Something new and beautiful and different, something to lift this anesthetic from me and help me move again. To get back my ability to think. And hopefully others will let this realization permeate their bodies and they can see and momentarily move and perhaps something will be realized in their own life. I just cant believe that I am the only one that feels this way. And all I can do is hope that others start to unravel and break as I did and instead of caterpillars in the cocoon, become butterflies. Peace.Love.

10/31/02

--sangiovese@themountaingoats.net--Hello, this is Brian, it is the 31st of October and this is a dream. Last night, I had a dream about John Darnielle, that I was actually seeing him play. It was a very good dream. At one point, he was right in my face and we were singing together. At another point we were in a music video that was roughly like Peter Gabriel’s Sledgehammer. I don’t know what song it was that was being sung, but I remember this line "and your eyes as big as buttons" when this was sung by John his sunglasses turned into buttons and I thought that was very cool. (I don’t know if those lyrics have ever been accompanied by John Darnielle or his songs, but that is what dreams are for...) Anyway, this is me begging you to come to Portland after your tour and just play one show here. At least one. It has been awhile since you were in Portland and I always leave or arrive in Chicago at the wrong times and miss TMG. I have never seen TMG, although I know a bit about you. Hah. I don’t even really know where this email goes, but I do know that John Vanderslice rocked last week and I wished that John Darnielle went on next, but that didn’t happen. I was sad and went home, please come back to Portland, please. Peace.Love. Brian

12/26/02

--albertrr33@aol.com--Thanks for the Christmas card and the check. Just let it be known that it was a little bit over the top, I am appreciative of it and will use the money to buy bike gear which I am in need of, but in the future that display shouldn’t be necessary. Things are going well over here on this end, not much is new, I am still working my job and not liking it, looking for something new. We are moving out soon, to a place hitherto unknown. WE have to be out of this place on the first and we barely have a grip on a new place...it is a little bit stressful, seeing as though if we don’t get the house wee are looking at, we basically have nowhere...but that isn’t that big of a deal for me at least. Justin is the most stressed over it. Diane is coming to visit Jan 3-6 and that is what I worry about, not having a place for her to stay...I mean, it is kind of awkward when a person flies 2000 miles to visit someone and upon arrival have nowhere to stay. I am pretty confident that we will get the house in question, however. Bobbie called me recently to tell me of my impending jury duty in CP. Umm, I don’t know what (if any) action has happened, but it may be lucrative. I had been thinking that if they pay $0.28 per mile and it is so many miles from here to there and back, I could actually make money, but I am sure there is some legal loophole that says if I am residing in a different state my call is dismissed. But, if word should come that I have to appear and they pay for whatever mileage I will postpone my first court date here (Feb.10) to be there for jury duty. There really is no other news, things are really good in life and I am quite happy. Regardless of my living and working situations as I know that they are temporary things and I will work through them. Hope everything is well. Peace.Love. Brian

1/21/03

--from:haloaltera@aol.com--hi what’s up, this is haley (the drummer girl from the han.18th protest). ...how are u? i'm glad u posted that message on indymedia, cuz I wanted to talk to u also, but am kind of shy sometimes. reconciling thought and action can be difficult, i'm sure u can empathize. I wanted to tell u I liked yr beard :)
so u do critical mass, huh? I bike all the time and have lived here almost 2 years and still havent been on one. that should change. when's the next? well, i'm gonna go to bed now, gotta get up early for fun college and work.
later,
haley

--haloaltera@aol.com--Wow. Amazing. I had been sinking in my hope that my post would reach you. I have been here for about four months and have done CM every month...I don’t know the exact date for the next one. I wonder if you are free on Thursday night? It may be backwards to see when you are free before to see who you are, but that is okay, doing everything forwards all the time really gets boring..I think. Anyway, the other morning I won some tickets to the Arlo Guthrie concert at the Roseland..I have never been there and I don’t really have anyone to go with...maybe we can go together. I really wanted to go to that show, but it was really expensive so I am glad I won the tickets...anyway, it would be a good way to get to know each other, but you don’t have to do anything special to free up I know it is short notice. I want to ask you questions on here, but I really don’t want to stick to the email for too long. My phone number is 236 7357. I am Brian. Hah. I get home early afternoon and you can leave a message if you want, I will definitely call you back. So, yeah, get back to me, I have to go to work currently. Peace.Love.

2/12/03

--englandtaylor@mail.com--Hi. You have no idea who I am and it is likely that you never will, so don’t sweat anything. My name is Brian and I would like you to be my pen pal. If this seems interesting to you, email me your address and I will write you a letter. If you want to write back, you should, if not, you wouldn’t be the first. Actually, you would be the third. (Maybe fourth, I don’t exactly remember...) Anyway, I know this comes completely out of the blue and what not, but it is an interesting proposal. And there isn’t much involved. If you choose to write back, there would be a long line of correspondence that could be wonderful. If not you may get one or two more letters, but I am not interested in writing something to someone that may or may not care. I kind of like to know if people care. Crazy, sometimes I wish someone would do something like this to me, but as it is that probably wouldn’t happen, I have never met anyone quite like me and according to the people that do know me, neither have they. So we will see. Peace.Love.