Oddities, Rarities, and Unplaceables

--This original conversation happened on-line between Jon and I when he was fifteen and I was twenty (I am pretty sure). I was in Oly at the time and he was in Maine, we had talked quite a bit before, but this conversation really caught my eye, it showed the disparity between the two of us and both of our weaknesses. Kind of, in the adaptation, it seems like I am all wise, and that is probably just ego. So read one or the other, or both, and see how things happen. BB (Oct. 19 2002)

-- Conversation…more than dialogue

"Hi," says the young man from Maine in an unassuming tone of voice. "Hello," responds the older man from Indiana, who was living in Olympia at the time. The man from Maine, Jon, dives into small talk "How are you today?" The man from Indiana, looks around the room, realizes that this question is directed at him and gives in to the device of language. "I am excellent," the Hoosier responds, "barring the fact that I am extremely tired and quite bruised from lack of Iron in my diet. How are you?" Jon rubs his chin with his ring finger and his thumb and lets out a long "Hmmmm," after that he says, "Some meat would solve that. I am quite tired, but I have lots of pent of energy. I served a school detention like usual today and walked home after taking a late bus to my street." Brian ponders this and gives him a perplexed look, because he doesn't exactly understand what he is getting into. Jon sees his perplextion and continues "I am kind of relaxed since I stayed up cleaning and rearranging my room last night until three am, and let me hear your thoughts on the consumption of meat." Brian still thinks about what was said before responding, he is an old-timer, taking in what is said before responding. He learned this from reading Gandhi, Gandhi once said that to speak before you understand is compromising the truth. After a short pause, Brian answer the posed question, simply, "It is not good." Jon started speaking just at the same time Brian was answering "For I am really dumb when it comes to this matter." He had gotten only a few words out before Brian had finished his short response, yet instead of letting the old-timer say his piece he delved again into his own reverie. The young certainly do have a way of directing a conversation with their quick wit. So the youngster continues, "I have a friend, Ryan, and he doesn't eat meat. I am all like 'Ryan, try a meatball' and all that kind of stuff. It is a joke to me. I feel that the ends justify the means, do you feel this way?" The old-timer, being old, has heard this before and he is quicker to respond to it, especially now that he understands young Jon's position better, "That is how it is," he counters, "I mean, people will try to defeat something they don't understand with humour. They do this because they are afraid of looking ignorant." Brian feels justified in calling this youngster ignorant in so many words, but thinks again about it and interjects "I did it too, before I came to realization." This stopped whatever was on Jon's mind and instead of his typical quickness he paused with another "hmmm." And, out of nowhere, he conjectures "but, this doesn't prove anything, it is only a satisfactory moral for the wrong story." Brian doesn't completely understand what is meant by this, so instead of responding directly, he continues with what he was saying, to try and make it clearer. "My mother does it, my little sister is very interested in my lifestyle, but my mother will not let her not eat meat. She says that it is a meat eating household and that is all. I am very glad that I am 2200 miles away from her." And while he was saying that he was registering what had been previously said by Jon and he concluded that Jon was suggesting that he did not want to be converted so don't try and Brian addressed this. "I do not have to prove anything, I am not trying to convert you, I control only my life, which is sometimes too much." Young Jon hears these words and from out of nowhere changes the scope of the conversation, he says "I believe there is pure, wrong, and evil; and I think your method of thinking is more wrong than pure." Not thinking immediately about what was said, the old-timer says "You can control your own life, and make your own choices, it is called free will, and, in your essay, you state that you are right and that everyone else is wrong. That defeats freedom and my cause." The essay in question was sent to Brian from Jon, because Jon was seeking advice in reworking it to make it a little more reader friendly. Brian's cause is that of freedom and in tune with that, free will, and Jon had stated in his essay that things needed to be dictated by someone on high and purported that he could be that person. Jon, quickly responds "You are stuck in our world, my brother. And I am looking ahead." Finally computing what Jon had said about pureness Brian says "Pure, wrong and evil, huh? We look at it as sanity insanity beauty and ugly." Hearing this, Jon proudly states "Insanity is the right," trying to correlate the two ideas, he continues his thought aloud "pure, right, wrong, evil…" and then he trails off. Jon goes into a fit of wildly exercising his mind, thinking too much and sensing this Brian poses a question, hoping to catch him in a trap. "How do you perceive insanity? What is your definition?" Jon grins and looks wide eyed, touching Brian’s shoulder he whispers "We are insanity, our existence" then he apologizes for being a little too into the conversation and says "I think I am getting too deep for my thought, it is starting not to make sense." Brian, tries to set him at ease by joking "I just want a simple definition, not a generalization if the entire world." "Yeah, I am getting to it," Jon replies. "I take it as: this world we live in is superficial. The world I can experience, pureness, is reality. I have a faint grasp on what it is to be a pure thinker." Realizing what he just said, he took a Socratic way out "I'm very dumb though, at times." Jon is on a freight train to somewhere and leaving Brian in the dust, so Brian tries to slow him down by asking him specific questions "What do you grasp?" But, it seems he is too late because Jon doesn't even hear him and continues "My friend and I really help each other along in our conversations, we have found out that we can tune in with each other and we think the same," and then he answers, "I grasp all that is not seen." Liking this answer, the old-timer continues this path and simply says "which is?" But, Jon was already somewhere else, trying to keep a conversation with his mind and a conversation with the old-timer, they travel at different speeds and it gets confusing. Jon asks "How was this universe made? What is the un-universe?" And then mumbling to himself "rules of engagement, rules that are because they have to be, it is hard to explain in my current state." Brian tries to tune in with him and picks up on anything he can. "What rules have to be? Just give me a few examples." "Okay, one rule is that everything is different, no two things are the same. They all belong to an infinite collection in Thingdom." He continues "An example, 'apple' and 'apple' are the same word, but they are different things." Jon has started to quote himself from his essay and Brian does not really want to hear more of that, because it is a really abstract way of thinking so he stops that "I have read the essay, I understand what you are saying, but do not agree with it in its entirety." Jon, he likes to talk about himself and his "essay", so he is back on track. "Okay," he says, "please tell me what you do not like, it is unfinished as all my work is." "So," Brian starts, "you have picked up a guitar and strummed before, right?" Jon scratches his head and looks at Brian, thinking that the old-timer just lost his head. Brian nods as if saying that it is okay to answer the question, to let Jon know that he is going somewhere. "Yeah," Jon says apprehensively. "Do you know how to tune a guitar?" "Yeah." "Okay, so you can tune the strings so that you can make the same noise twice?" Brian says this and Jon thinks for a moment and then Brian continues "Meaning, can you play a song and then play the same song again?" "Okay, why, and no, I cannot play anything, I just started." Brian smiles, because his old-timer rhetoric has sailed completely over the youngsters head and now he has the chance to tie it all together in front of Jon and save some face. "Because, in life we are things and if we can make one thing do the same thing then we can do the same thing in thingdom and we just haven't learned how to fine tune our bodies yet. That is my problem with your essay." Brian says this and relaxing his back, as Jon ponders again. "Hmmm, we can never fine tune our bodies, unless…Unless we can realize that we are each God. We all form everybody, you are part of my world, just as I am part of yours." Brian nods his head and says "Realizing that is the fine-tuning, people have a fear of God. That isn't right, they should love god, for that being is compassionate. And I am a part of your world, that is true. And in that sense, we can be the same in one world, without knowing it, because we do not know ourselves." Brian’s is on a roll and lets it go, trying to get back to the original idea, "Furthermore, we can also be the same as the cow that you ate at McDonalds today, and I do not want to want myself. I do not want to be a cannibal, that is my argument as to why I do not eat meat." Jon concedes that argument at the end, the old timer wins. But Jon isn't totally done yet. He starts, "A lot of what I do is Human Interaction. I am kind of considered one of the 'cool kids', yet they all see that I possess that quality of weirdness. But they accept it." Playing off of the last discussion, Brian answers "What is a human? A human is an animal, and in exploring human interaction, you are seeing half of the picture. To make your conclusions, you should explore interaction and base your judgments on the whole, rather than the part." Jon nods and then delves "I hang out with a lot of the "freaks" and they know that I am "real" but they also know I care about what other people think," Brian gives a perplexed look and Jon finishes, "Trust me, my thoughts cannot be explained in words, it just doesn't work." Brian tries to understand "See, I do not know labels very well anymore. I can barely explain myself with labels. The best is 'I am vegan straightedge'." Before Brian finishes, Jon is off to the races again "You have a label, for I see it now. I have a picture of you in my head, which is disturbing to say the least." Trying to ease Jon's last comment about not being able to convey his thoughts, Brian adds "That is okay, thoughts were not meant for words. Thoughts were meant for thoughts, words are superficial and that is saying that telepathy is not only possible, but right." As Brian and Jon often are off of each others page at first, Jon starts somewhere else again "This is actually one of the first steps to enlightenment. It is to see things without labels, to just see them in their form and not to judge." Continuing on a different page, Brian says "Tell me your picture, explain me to me." And he smiles as he says this. "To tell you the truth, I am constantly bending my dreams towards our superficial reality, because some things are just not possible. In my life span, at least. My picture of you is an ever-changing array of creation, of the universe stuff, daily communication and its effects, the interaction of taking and giving up energy with human interaction. So many thoughts are racing." Brian smiles at what is said, and then disregards, going back to something previously stated "You shouldn't expect to accomplish anything in your life, proof of science is that most things are discovered by accident, not by striving." Jon looks very determined after hearing that and quickly says "I don't like you for saying that," then he thinks a little more, "hmmm, science is not my idea, science is stupid, it doesn't explain anything. I guess my problem is that I want to destroy and re-create, and instead I should be looking for a way to mend, to do my best, help people. I really wish I could talk all day long and all night with a microphone in a room where anybody who wants to listen can. I wish I didn't have to worry about money issues or feeding myself, I just want to talk all day." "Some people," Brian begins, "including myself, think that the only way to re-create is to destroy. I think that we have reached the point of no return. But, I do no think that aiding the destruction will gain any points for me in the recreation." "So you think the world cannot be mended? I feel," Jon says without even waiting for an answer, "that when nano-technology comes, many task, such as food production, can be automated. Nano-technology can create food out of atoms that are present everywhere." Brian answers the question previously posted, because he likes it "No, I think that war is imminent. But, I will do my best to keep it away, because war is the antecedent to my goals." "War is pure," Jon states. "What does that mean?" "No emotion," Jon answers, "Just justice, one cause against another. If the causes are not right, then the war cannot be pure." "There is no 'right' cause for people to destroy one another," Brian’s firmly states, "because they do it through the institution of country, and countries are dumb and unnecessary." With scalding eyes, Jon stares into Brian "You cherish life way too highly, life is worthless. Literally, it is something from nothing. Consciousness is a mysterious thing," Jon cools down and poses a question, "Have you ever thought if a brick can think? It cant, it is not alive, it has no consciousness." "You are just apathetic towards life," Brian calmly says, "and that will change as you grow and realize more beauty and truth." "You are made up of atoms, just like the brick," Jon finishes his thought before responding to what was just proposed by the old-timer, "Do you destroy bricks and feel sorrow? I love life, I LOVE LIFE, LOVE LIFE, I LOVE LIFE, I LOVE IT. I just don't see it as the ultimate treasure. Nothingness is pure, and no evil has ever come out of nothingness." Answering, Jon continues "I am not apathetic towards anything, apathy is wrong, not pure. Apathy stems from human evolution, we need hate to get rid of it." "I am sure you love life, I wont deny that. I am just saying that you have much more to experience, reasons yet unknown to love it more. I presume that you haven't been very far and that you haven't realized many things outside of your personal perception." "Nope, I haven't. But, rather than showing me what life is, it shows me what my life is made of. I analyze everything. I come up with reasons where there is no reason." Jon is racing through these words, laying the next one quickly and clearly, allowing no interjection. "Thoughts just find their way into my head," Jon continues, "the hardest teacher is failure, because the test comes after the lesson, and I am just now learning this." Jon stops to breath "You are way quicker than I am," Brian wrestles in, to keep in line, he jokes, "it must be your joviality." Jon corrects himself "I meant the test comes before the lesson. I feel that you are smarter in an experienced kind of way, like you are ahead in the race but I am going at a faster pace." Brian attempts to sum everything up "You are going very fast, and you have a good twist, like you know what you are saying. I don't, what comes out of my mouth and my head totally unexpected," Jon is in awe of what he is hearing, and listens closer "I do not know myself even half yet, I am always learning and you are helping me." Brian finishes and walks away, putting his hands in his pockets and Jon stares as he walks into the distance, contemplating. Peace.Love. (Based on a true story…the true conversation follows.)

Jonoguess: hi
Arisanokist: hello
Jonoguess: how are u today?
Arisanokist: I am excellent, barring the fact that I am extremely tired and quite bruised from lack of iron in my diet
Arisanokist: you?
Jonoguess: hmm... some meat would solve that
Jonoguess: I am quite mentally tired but with lots of pent up energy. I served a school detention like usual today and walked home after taking late bus to my street
Jonoguess: I'm kinda relaxed since I stayed up cleaning and rearranging my room last night till like 3 am
Jonoguess: so let me hear your thoughts on the consumption of meat
Arisanokist: it is not good
Jonoguess: for I am really dumb when it comes to this matter
Jonoguess: I have a friend Ryan and he doesn't eat meat
Jonoguess: I'm like ahhh try a meatball Ryan and all this stuff it's just a joke to me
Jonoguess: I feel that the end justifies the means
Jonoguess: do u feel this way?
Arisanokist: that is how it is, I mean people will try to defeat things they do not understand with humour because they are afraid of looking ignorant
Arisanokist: I did it too, before I came to realization
Jonoguess: hmm
Jonoguess: but this does not prove anything it's only a satisfactory moral for the wrong story Arisanokist: my mom does it, my little sister is very interested in my lifestyle but my mother will not let her not eat meat she says it is a meat eating household and that is all...I am very glad I am 2200 miles away from her
Arisanokist: I do not have to prove anything, I am not trying to convert, I control only my life, which is sometimes too much
Jonoguess: I believe there is pure, wrong, and evil
Jonoguess: I think your method of thinking is more wrong than pure
Arisanokist: you can control your own and make your own choices, it is called free will, and you say in your essay that you are right and everyone else is wrong, that defeats freedom and my cause
Jonoguess: u are stuck in our world my brother
Jonoguess: I'm looking ahead
Arisanokist: pure wrong and evil, huh...we look at it as sanity insanity beauty and ugly
Jonoguess: what’s the next step how does it wrong
Jonoguess: insanity is the right
Jonoguess: pure, right, wrong, evil
Arisanokist: how do you perceive insanity? what is your definition?
Jonoguess: we are insanity
Jonoguess: our existence
Jonoguess: sorry
Jonoguess: I think I'm getting too deep for my thought
Jonoguess: its starting not to make sense
Arisanokist: just a simple definition not a generalization to the entire world
Jonoguess: ya I'm getting to into it
Jonoguess: I take it as this world we live in is superficial and the world I can experience "pureness" is the reality
Jonoguess: I have a faint grasp on what it is to be a pure thinker
Jonoguess: I'm very dumb though
Jonoguess: at time
Jonoguess: timez*
Arisanokist: what do you grasp?
Jonoguess: me and my friend really help each other along in our conversations, we have found out that we can tune in each other and we think the same
Jonoguess: I grasp all that is not seen
Arisanokist: which is?
Jonoguess: how was this universe made?
Jonoguess: what is the un-universe
Jonoguess: rules of engagement/rules that are because they have to be
Jonoguess: its hard to explain in my current state
Arisanokist: what rules have to be? just a few examples
Jonoguess: ok
Jonoguess: that everything is different no two things are the same they all belong to the infinite collection in thingdom
Jonoguess: "apple" and "apple" same word but different things
Arisanokist: I read the essay, I understand it but do not agree with it, in its entirety
Jonoguess: ok
Jonoguess: please tell me what u do not like
Jonoguess: its unfinished as all my work is
Arisanokist: so you have picked up a guitar and strummed before right?
Jonoguess: ya
Arisanokist: do you know how to tune a guitar?
Jonoguess: ya
Arisanokist: okay, so can you tune the strings so that you make the same noise twice? meaning can you play a song and then play the same song again?
Jonoguess: ok why?
Jonoguess: and no I cant play anything
Jonoguess: I just started
Arisanokist: because in life we are things and if we can make one thing do the same thing then we can do the same thing in thingdom and we just haven't learned how to fine tune our bodies yet...that is my problem with your essay
Jonoguess: hmmm.... we can never fine-tune our bodies unless we can realize that we are each god Jonoguess: we all form everybody
Jonoguess: u are part of my world just as I am part of your world
Arisanokist: realizing that is fine-tuning, and people have a fear of god but that is not right, they should love god for that being is compassionate
Arisanokist: true, so in that sense we can be the same in one world, without knowing it because wee do not know ourselves and we can also be the same as the cow that you ate at McDonalds today and I do not want to eat my self I am not a cannibal so that is my argument as to why I do not eat meat
Jonoguess: alot of what I do is explore human interaction
Jonoguess: I'm kinda considered one of the "cool kids" but yet they all see that I possess that quality of weirdness but they except it
Arisanokist: what is a human, a human is an animal and in exploring human interaction is seeing half of the picture and making your judgment you should explore interaction and base your conclusions on the whole rather than the part
Jonoguess: I hang out with alot of quote "freaks" and they know that I am "real" but yet they also know I care about what other people think
Jonoguess: trust me my thoughts cant be explained in words
Jonoguess: it just doesn't work
Arisanokist: see, I do not know labels very well anymore, I can barely explain myself with labels I am vegan straightedge I guess that sums it up best
Jonoguess: u have a label
Jonoguess: for I see it now
Jonoguess: I have a picture of u in my head
Jonoguess: which is disturbing to say the least
Arisanokist: that is okay, thoughts were not meant for words thoughts were meant for thoughts words are superficial and that is saying that telepathy is not only possible, but right
Jonoguess: this is actually one of the first steps to enlightenment......is to see things without labels just to see them in their form and don't judge
Arisanokist: tell me your picture, explain me to me
Jonoguess: to tell u the truth I am constantly bending my dreams towards our superficial reality Jonoguess: cause some things just are not possible
Jonoguess: in my life span
Jonoguess: my picture is an ever-changing array of creation of the universe stuff, daily communication and its affects, the interaction of taking and giving up energy with human interaction
Jonoguess: so many thoughts are racing
Arisanokist: you should not expect to accomplish anything in your life, proof of science is that most things were created or realized by accident, not by striving
Jonoguess: I don't like u for saying that
Jonoguess: hmmm
Jonoguess: science is not my idea
Jonoguess: science is stupid
Jonoguess: it does not explain anything
Jonoguess: I guess my problem is I want to destroy and re-create
Jonoguess: where I need to find a way to mend
Jonoguess: do my best
Jonoguess: help people
Jonoguess: I really wish I could talk all day long and all night with a microphone in a room where anybody who wants to listen can
Jonoguess: I wish I didn't have to worry about money issues or feeding myself
Jonoguess: I just want to talk all day
Arisanokist: some people, myself included think that the only way to re-create is to destroy, I think we have reached that point of no return, but I do not think that aiding the destruction will gain any points for me in the recreation
Jonoguess: so u think that the world cant be mended?
Jonoguess: I feel that when nano technology comes that can automate many tasks such as food production...nano technology can create food out of atoms that are present everywhere...
Arisanokist: no I think that war is imminent, but I will do my best to keep it away, because that is the antecedent to my goals
Jonoguess: War is pure
Arisanokist: what does that mean?
Jonoguess: no emotion
Jonoguess: just straight up justice one cause against another
Jonoguess: if the causes are not right then the war cannot be pure
Jonoguess: hey does your society ever plan to get around the Boston area?
Arisanokist: there is no right cause for people to destroy one another, because they do it through the institution of country and countries lines are dumb and unnecessary
Arisanokist: sure, I know a skinhead out there named Phil and it is not my society...it is just the PAAEP
Jonoguess: u cherish life way too highly
Jonoguess: life is worthless
Jonoguess: literally
Jonoguess: its something from nothing
Jonoguess: consciousness is a mysterious thing
Jonoguess: have u ever wondered if a brick can think?
Jonoguess: it cants
Arisanokist: you are just apathetic towards life that will change as you grow and realize more beauty and truth
Jonoguess: its not alive it has no consciousness
Jonoguess: are u made up of atoms just like the brick
Jonoguess: do u destroy bricks and feel sorrow?
Jonoguess: I love life
Jonoguess: LOVE LIFE I LOVE LIFE I LOVE IT
Jonoguess: just do not see it as the ultimate treasure
Jonoguess: nothingness is pure
Jonoguess: and no evil has ever come out of nothingness
Jonoguess: I am not apathetic towards anything
Jonoguess: apathy is wrong not pure
Jonoguess: it stems from human evolution
Jonoguess: we need hate to get rid
Arisanokist: I am sure you do, I am not denying that, I am saying that you still have much to experience and then you will love it more, have you ever seen the sun set on the pacific ocean? or walked along the Gulf of Mexico? hung out with FNB in Manhattan for no good reason? been to Chicago? been to Canada? I am presuming that you haven't been very far and realized many things outside of your personal perception
Jonoguess: nope
Jonoguess: I haven't
Jonoguess: I have been to one concert in my life and it was the best experience of my life
Jonoguess: but rather than showing me what life is it shows my what life is made up of
Jonoguess: I analyze everything
Jonoguess: come up with reasons where there is no reason
Jonoguess: and thoughts find their way into my head
Jonoguess: the hardest teacher is failure because the test comes after the lesson
Jonoguess: I am just learning this now
Arisanokist: you are way quicker than I am, it must be your joviality
Jonoguess: I meant the test comes before the lesson
Jonoguess: I feel that u are smarter in a experienced kind of way
Jonoguess: like u are ahead in the race but I am going at a faster pace
Arisanokist: you are gong very fast, and you have a good twist like you know what your are saying, I do not, what comes out of my mouth and my head is totally unexpected, I do not know myself even half yet, I am always learning and you are helping me

--

The never-before-released gem, the longest most poetic poem I have ever written, and it is like a porno. When I first got the idea for this, it was going to be amazing, I had very high hopes, it was going to set me apart from what I was writing before. I was writing in a new journal and this took up like thirty pages in that journal. If I still had that journal something may have come of this poem, I may have tried to keep it alive. I lost this journal while I was in NY in 2000, I left it on the train and there was this epic poem and many others smaller poems and new writings. After I lost the book, things just sort of fell apart and I really got a taste of how useless things are. It is all in the head, what I don't remember is useless. Or something. I don't know, basically I am just stalling before this gets under way, because I am still uneasy about the portrait this paints of me. What the hell though, you made it this far. Hah. Good Luck. BB (Oct. 19 2002) And, also, I want to transcend that I wrote this in Olympia, around the time that the recorder journals were happening, if Tape 3 was ever penned, it would be mostly about this poem. I was sex starved and this incident was like the second to last sexual experience I had encountered...and this was years (I think). So, remember that as you delve. BB (2/17/03)

FAKING IT

Tired + lonely, what is going to occur?
Looking around : nothing
Faking It
I see things in front of me
Nevertheless, I am thinking of her

She is on my mind
She move evil (boredom + loneliness)
Faking It
I think of all the fun things we've done
And, I remember, she are so kind

Sweet + peaceful, she's nice
I could tell her anything (like yearning for 3somes)
Faking it
Remembering everything + more
My memories do not suffice

I am thinking of the past
Lay on my bed : I will try sleeping
Faking it
W/ memories of her in my head
My heart beats so fast

W/ my heart beating rapidly
I go out on the deck (the stars are out)
Faking it
Visions of unity fill my head
I am overcome with glee

Wandering is the essence of thought
I cannot stay in one place (pacing)
Faking it
Then my thoughts rest
On the condoms I bought

Sex is on the tip of my tongue
I try to wash it away : we are not together
Faking it
I go ahead and drink a glass of water
We are still young

Youthful children
No clue (what to do)
Faking it
I think of all the things we have yet to do
My mind travels to her, again

Cannot believe I allow this
Melancholy mind (I am sad)
Faking it
I need to talk to someone
She is my wish

Can I call her on the phone?
Cannot : my hand won't move
Faking it
What can I say?
Do I tell her I'm alone?

She would laugh at my pain
Discouraged (maybe I'll write a letter)
Faking it
That wouldn't work
her heart is on a train

A train heading opposite mine
Heart already filled w/ hate (at least I think)
Faking it
Maybe I am wrong
Perhaps a call would be fine

Trembling, I pick up the receiver
Punch a button : hang up fast
Faking it
Inspiring peaceful fear
My friends say "you should just leave her"

I think they are right
Turn away from the phone (but the corner of my eye)
Faking it
I should allow another chance
One last night

Dialing the number
What will I say (is she receptive?)
Faking it
Ringing, ringing
This is my last chance to fold under

The other end, lifted
"Hello" : it is she
faking it
"Did I wake you?"
I can see her now, she just shifted

Pleasantries and small talk
Talking about time (thinking something else)
Faking it
Her voice brightens
I suggest we take a walk

We talk a little more
"so you want me to come over?" (she knows)
faking it
I tell her what I want to do
It is not to bore

"Can I hang your naked body over the balcony?"
she says "yes" : it is very cold outside
faking it
I ask her when she'll be here
She says about forty

Forty minutes till bliss
What do I do? (How do I prepare?)
Faking it
I create a plan-of-action
There is nothing I will miss

List grows to three
I know what to do (only 37 minutes left)
Faking it
I start with my brother
Cannot let him bother me

Must get him to sleep upstairs
I wake him : he is on the couch
Faking it
He won't budge
He has no cares

Leave him in the living room
Not a big deal (conduct physical love elsewhere)
Faking it
Now for number two
Get it on with myself, cha boom boom

Requisition a porno
Fast forward (gotta find a scene I like)
Faking it
I just got hard
Only 22 minutes to go

Beating faster + faster
Time is running out : 18 minutes and counting
Faking it
Almost there
On screen, the guy says "who's your master"

Ahh, I feel so good
Just finished (one last thing)
Faking it
Make sure everything looks nice
Still sporting wood

Jacked off really fast
Now I am sweating (I should shower)
Faking it
After that I'll be ready
Tonight'll be a blast

Showered and waiting
5 more minutes : 5 eternities
faking it
planning the perfect eve
set for a king

car sounds in the distance
anxiety (I jump + run)
faking it
half-naked on the balcony
w/ myself, I dance

lost track of time
look a the clock (two minutes past)
faking it
I begin to doubt
Joking is a crime

Joke is on my person
Too easy : she isn't coming
Faking it
Back out on the balcony
Yellin', Cursin'

I go back inside
All my work for nothing (I'll just go to sleep)
Faking it
Conflicting thoughts
They collide

This was a bad idea
Nothing will happen (and I was so hopeful)
Faking it
Giving up hope
What was that—a

Car in the driveway
Smile sneaks on my face : happy again
Faking it
Back out on the balcony
I see her bright as day

I dart to the front door
There first (want to be a gentleman)
Faking it
I open and let her in
We talk about time once more

"what took you so long?"
"hey man, I had to shower" (so did I)
faking it
standing in the living room
a look on her face—something wrong

I look over my shoulder
To see what is bad : my brother
Faking it
"let us go in the other room"
she knows what I want to do to her

talking again, I hesitate
right + wrong in my head (please, not now)
faking it
afraid to touch her
but I cannot wait

I remind her of the plan
Pure nakedness (and the balcony)
Faking it
I will not back down
I'll do all I can

We both go outside
Standing close together : balcony is cold
Faking it
She slowly peels her garments
Joy, I cannot hide

Slowly removing every layer
Watching with happiness (I should be paying for this)
Faking it
Down to bra + panties
She asks if she can stop there

"you agreed to be naked"
I move in closer (to help her)
Faking it
The bra is off
My penis is still flaccid

She stops right there
Longer wait : longer it'll take
Faking it
Her body is beautiful
Cannot wait to see it bare

Her body is tight and small
Cute round face (w/ piercings)
Faking it
One last hurdle
For it to be all

On my knees
Grip the colored cotton (and looking up at her)
Faking it
She nods in approval
I need not say please

Pulling in one quick gesture
No restrictions : she shivers
Faking it
Now she is bare
Naked for nature

Let the night commence
Walk towards the edge (only 15 ft up)
Faking it
She wants to be inside
Finish this nuisance

She sits on the ledge
Turns her body (now facing me)
Faking it
After this night
To her, I can never hold a grudge

Slowly I slip her bare body downward
She lets out a low shriek (she is afraid of heights)
Faking it
Dangling nakedness in the wind
A car comes toward

We let out a nervous laugh
As the car passes : I lose a little grip
Faking it
I could hold her forever
100 lbs is not rough

she wants to stop
she has had enough (I don't want to spoil it)
faking it
just a little longer
I am on top

My hand slowly creeps
To her ladyhood (other hand holds her)
Faking it
Rubbing slightly and slowly
I know the secret she keeps

One exploring finger
Playing with her : inside her
Faking it
I am getting cold
Time to go inside, bust out the member

A few last strokes and slides
I lift her back up (feelings are mixed)
Faking it
I bring her close to my body
Nothing, her nakedness hides

Embraced in a passionate kiss
A little sloppy (first in awhile)
Faking it
She is the aggressor
I touched a nerve in little miss

We are still outside
Could stay here forever : only w/ her
Faking it
Our oral orifices disconnect
Passion cannot hide

Now we head in
Right to the bed (she begins to undress me)
Faking it
And I am wondering
Is casual sex a sin?

Clear that thought away
She removes my pants (and I am only half-mast)
Faking it
Relieving sexual tension
We will both enjoy a good lay

Crawling up between my legs
She is a doctor : mouth=viagra
Faking it
Sucking + sucking take it down
I don't even have to beg

She is doing all this for nothing
Looking up at me (I am all smiles)
Faking it
I know what she wants
We begin the turning

First things first
She crawls back down my legs (this time with boxers)
Faking it
Then she crawls up to my face
Like a baby, she will be nursed

She sits on my face
Turn around : bend down
Faking it
I begin the licking
At a steady pace

Time for dual oral
It is a good phrase (thank my brother)
Faking it
We'll enjoy this
Sixty-nine is against no moral

Moving into sixty-nine
She starts again (right where she stopped)
Faking it
We are pleasing each other
This is divine

Licking, lapping, sucking, slurping
Making weird noises (we are not stopping)
Faking it
Insert a finger
To increase the pleasing

This is pure ecstasy
Finger-fucking, licking : together
Faking it
Life is great
With you next to me

Her head stops the bob
She sits up (I keep on going)
Faking it
She reels in delight
Anyone watching would call me a slob

Juice running down my cheek
She is writhing (w/ delight)
Faking it
She lifts for a moment
To take a peek

All she sees is my smile
Back in position : I keep on going
Faking it
She lets out a moan
Sound travels a mile

An awkward moment
I stop (she looks again)
Faking it
W/ a smile she says
"do you think he heard it?"

asking about the other room
sleeping soldier (my brother)
faking it
we laugh and talk awhile
a naked saloon

suddenly I get up
looking at her : vulture to prey
faking it
I offer my hand
Together, they make a cup

I pull her up to my level
We embrace and kiss (make-out)
Faking it
Begin to lead her away
To a place in goodness we can revel

Taking her up the stairs
Looking at her body (beautiful little breasts)
Faking it
I guarantee that up there
No one hears

Two naked kids walk
Through dining room : through kitchen
Faking it
Past the living room
Snoring is the only talk

Stairs lead to the master bedroom
Dirty sheets on bed (doesn't matter)
Faking it
Used for the same action last night
Sloppy seconds thoughts loom

Cast them off
No bother (let nothing intercede)
Faking it
As soon as we find each other
Downstairs, a cough

Close the bedroom door
He is not a problem : he wont come up here
Faking it
We start at first base
But quickly lead to more

Wrapped + kissing each other
I have wandering hands (one creeps south)
Faking it
Then a weird thought ripples my mind
I cannot believe we are not together

Running from first
She slides up the bed (time to steal home)
Faking it
I resume the position
But I am overcome with thirst

This is paltry
Don't worry now : fix it later
Faking it
I am going to crawl right up
And stick my meat in, you see

Writhing in delight
I begin the journey (kissing her stomach)
Faking it
She knows what is coming and she wants it
My mast is at full might

Mouth rests on her breasts
Sucking her nipples (biting softly)
Faking it
Now she is waiting
She wants what is next

CONDOM VERSES

Sliding up, the last hurdle
Kiss her face : send the guide
Faking it
One quick hand movement
My man is in her girl

Slowly, I thrust
Looking at her (her eyes are closed)
Faking it
Smile is on her face
If tonight were normal, now I would bust

Rhythmic motions
In out, in out (her hips playing along)
Faking it
My body on top of hers
I hate missionary position

I pull-out and lay down
Pull her on top : she is the master
Faking it
My hands embrace her hips
We are painting the town

I thought this'd be a quickie
This'll last forever (too much preparation)
Faking it
Let us insert some spice
My fire is burning slowly

Bring in something new
Over there! (a relic from last night)
Faking it
A frilly black-lace nighty
This is for her

Break in action
Slip into the new prop : way too big
Faking it
She starts prancing around
I stroke Mr. Jackson

Sitting on the edge of the bed
Waiting, watching (stroking)
Faking it
She straddles me
Rests her woman on my pink head

Wrap my arms around her body
Lifting up + down (hard + slow)
Faking it
Face lost in her bosom
We are starting to get rowdy

With every thrust she wriggles to my base
Now faster : juice flowing AGAIN
Faking it
I am very proud of myself
It shows on my face

She glances at me in the middle
She is still riding (now slow + soft)
Faking it
She kisses my forehead
Squeezes tighter, just a little

I understand her happiness
We both know (it is my turn now)
Faking it
Sliding fast and hard again
I'll never climax like this

A change of scenery
Where do we go (already been downstairs)
Faking it
"let's go in the bathroom"
that place requires mastery

the tub, sink, and toilet
3 new places : 3 more chances
Faking it
Try the sink first
Let us begin it

I lift her to the edge
Connect our torso's (they lock together)
Faking it
Into her love-tunnel
I plunge

I do not like this
After only a few minutes (try number two)
Faking it
Let us go to the tub
This cannot miss

We move to the tub
Make-out first : fingering her again
Faking it
New burst of excitement
her clit, with my cock, I rub

This is enjoyable
her back to the spigot (I reach around)
Faking it
Flood of water
New twist to our fable

she shivers + smiles
She likes it (I cannot believe this is real)
Faking it
She leans against the wall
Re-start the trial

Cavern opened
Fill it quick : plug the hole
Faking it
Hopefully, after the pause of action
My fruit is ripened

Shower coming down
She is already wet (turn it off)
Faking it
It is slippery now, no more fun
Let us leave this part of town

One last stone to overturn
Toilets are not romantic (and this is a slutty night)
Faking it
I sit, her on me
Hoping this will bring my sperm

My face to her back
She is moving up + down (water helps make it fast)
Faking it
I can feel a growing inside of me
Soon, I will attack

We must look like pigs in a sty
Sex actions and sounds (moaning, slurping, etc.)
Faking it
I feel like I am in the porno
I cannot believe I am this guy

I reach around, with my hands
Engulfing both of her breasts (a cup full each)
Faking it
Peace fingers pinching her nipples
Again go her female glands

By now, I must be her hero
Sex is a competition : sex is a game
Faking it
My offense is winning
The score is three-zero

My naked body on the hard toilet seat
Enough of this (time to move again)
Faking it
Using her breasts
I lift her to her feet

She runs and jumps on the bed
Right behind you (I am not giving up)
Faking it
I crawl up from the end
And begin to give her head

Not for long, though
Just another quick lube : it is my turn
Faking it
Me back inside her
It is time for my oats to sow

Pumping deep, hard, fast as I can
She is just taking it (had she clothes on this would be called abuse)
Faking it
How much more can I stand?
I am sweating like a madman

Sweating + pumping this cannot last
Can't take it (this is my last chance)
Faking it
My body is dying
This car will soon be crashed

Blow out my flame
One last long thrust : hold it inside her
Faking it
All at once, my body goes limp
The end of the game

At that moment, didn't care if she knew
I was beat (should not have boomed my meat)
Faking it
Slowly I pull out
What else could I do?

Fucking all night to no glory
I am glad she was satisfied (don't worry about me)
Faking it
I have to be at work at 7 in the morning
That is my story

A story all about
The time I was : you guessed right
Faking it

--

What follows is the poem that superceded "Faking IT." This is an adaptation of a story I started to write in "Humans Aren't the Only Species", and the title is also the inscription of the book, that was given as a birthday present to me from Alexandria…that is why this is inspired by her. BB (Oct. 19 2002)-- The World Awaits You: inspired by Alexandria

Sitting on the bed
Tired again
Thoughts in the head
weird
Having thoughts is not weird
Tonight the thoughts are

Change the world

One simple thought
Running miles
Endless tracks—trains of thought
On an always and forever restricted mind
Where does the track end?
(The right question : Where does the track begin?)

Answers lie in the path
Path of the train
On the track of the mind
Train is not long : track is
Track is not twisted : path is
Path is not owned : train is
Train is the body
Track is life
Path lies in the eye of the beholder of life and body

The mind is free—but restricted
Free within boundaries previously set
Boundaries set by men that could not foresee future
Future requires unrestricted freedom of the mind
Unrestricted freedom requires change
Changing systems set-up in a past-life

Lives where this path (that guides minds today) was acceptable
Accepting of a system to ensure reputable future
Trampled path is respectable reputation of a past-life
Past is past
Future is new path

Past men mindful only of their present, their future
Theirs is past
This present of their future doesn't include them
Path to this future was paved by their present
They are past

Minds of this present view future bleakly
Future is not past
Change the path to the future in this present to ensure freedom of the mind
Like changes paths
Life is unending and ever-changing
Life cannot be paved

Past men attempted to pave the path to the future
Past men are gone
Past men see not the need for new paths
Past men see nothing of the present (let alone the future)

Present people yearning for freedom must first free the path of pavement
Past paved path
Freedom frees future

Mind is on the path to change
Path without pavement
Mind seeks freedom
Mind seeks future
Future seeks free mind
Path to future freedom must remain unpaved
Present path paved
Path changes with time
Pavement is without change
Future path with time will change

Present proves past is not future
Present paved path
Present restrictions
Not seeked by future minds
Present proves past is opposite future

Future must be unpaved
Pavement is restrictive
Future seeks freedom
Freedom from paved path of past
Change the present to free the future from chains of pavement
Change the pavement to free the minds of the present
To free the future

Freedom from past is present path of change
Freedom from present is future path of change
Paths unpaved
Paving present paths to link the past to the future in the present is restriction
Present seeks freedom
Freedom from restriction
Freedom from pavement

Present day oppressors agree with paved path of past
Oppressors agree with restriction
Restriction is oppression
Oppressors restrict the mind
Mind seeks freedom from oppression
Mind seeks freedom from restriction
Mind seeks freedom from pavement

Oppressors oppress freedom
Oppressors oppress the mind
Oppressors are without mind
Oppressors are without freedom
Oppressors follow the path paved by past
Past of restriction and oppression
Oppressors agree with path of past
It paves their path to power

Power neglects freedom
Power of restriction towards the people is the path the oppressors possess
Possession is oppressive power against the minds of the people
Against the mind of freedom

Mind is against power
Power is against freedom
Freedom is against restriction
Restriction is against mind

Mind motivates body against oppression
Oppression targets the mind
Oppressors target the body
Oppressors promise the body power
Power is against freedom
Mind is on the unpaved path of freedom

The body is the train
The body travels on the path
The train travels on the track
The oppressors travel on the pavement

Body (by will of the mind) protests the pavement
Will of the mind is freedom
Will of the pavement is oppression
Power of the mind is pacification of the body
Power of oppression is war
Promise of pacification is freedom
Promise of war is power
Oppression is power
Mind is on the path of powerlessness
Path of freedom
Oppression is on the path of power
Path of destruction

Path to change is in the head
Thoughts are on the mind
Oppressors are laying on the bed
The world awaits you

What follows is a book I wanted to start with poetry, but it didn’t make it too far, so I figured I'd just throw it here, cool? Also is the transcription of my bus journey from Indiana to Portland. BB (2/24/03)

Valour: 2000 Series (Poetry and Others)

The death of me, the end of my
Closing doors on the selfish being
Sitting in the room (doors closed)

Meditating
Concentrating on the closed door
Connecting myself w/ the closed door of selfishness
And changing

Employing metamorphosis tactics
Taking the M and turning it upside-down
The closed door of me opens into wide room
The birth of we

Dualosity
Challenging life to accept the compilation of us
And let us affect life
Permeate life

No longer just be one with life, but make life one with us, with everything
Vision
Rebirth



Cheyenne WY I left Chicago around 24 hours ago. I started fasting 14 hours before that; I have been fasting then for 38 hours. I am the only one that knows this and, regardless of that, I don't like calling it fasting. I was thinking about how words are abused and instead of using or abusing the word "fasting" I am going to rely on "abstaining from food". Because, I think an honest fast would allow the faster to think above food…I am still thinking about eating. The people on my bus seem to be some of the most annoying and obnoxious people in existence. Even so, I am still giving them hope bracelets and necklaces. My hemp skills have vastly improved and by giving away all of the old stuff that I had is another form of cleansing. Much like my current food abstinence. I always hope when riding the bus, or traveling in general, that I will meet amazing girl. No Joy Yet. There is still Salt Lake, where, hopefully, most of these people will be separating from me. This reads like hatred, but is written in disgust. It still sounds bad, but I just listen to their conversation and shudder at the childishness and stupidity that these average adults cling too as their personal life force. To them it is mature and witty, that is what triggers disgust. And, I was continuing my thoughts on definitions. I believe that "woman" is the pinnacle and the goal. Because that is the ultimate gender-role balance (in my definitions). And there isn't and "real" definition, being the pinnacle it must play off of all the other definitions…I guess I just work backwards. Peace.Love.

Another unsuccessful fast. See, so my abstainment of food trials number two, rounding to fifty hours each. I feel, however, this one could've gone longer had I more opportunities to make tea. I think the tea coats my stomach and halts it from eating itself. Here in the desert west we don't have as many hot water dispensers at our "rest stops". I felt as if my stomach had reached a point where the tea wouldn't hold me off until Salt Lake. So I guess I broke down and ate fifty hours into the scheduled 70-some hour ordeal. I still feel that I am progressing in my abstinence efforts. Peace.Love.

I feel sick now. Less than five hours after eating, my body is in a state of rejection. It is painful and I am starting to be disgusted with myself. Had I been selling my necklai I would've made around $30, so I am going to start selling in Portland. Peace.Love.

Six o'clock in the morning, Boise, ID. Roughly awakened and asked to leave the bus. Done. Sleeping is much easier since my stomach has settled. I think that from the little reading I have accomplished on the meditation book, that is why I am sleeping better. Because my stomach didn't hurt the night before. The driver now tells me I will be in Portland between 4 and 5 pm today…nearly a full hour late. I guess we will just see what happens. Peace.Love.

I remember now what I wanted to write in Boise. That amazing dread locked girl? She was in Salt Lake…now she is on my bus…with her boyfriend. If they depart ways and she is still around I will make the effort to talk to her. Peace.Love.

Well, she was almost the girl of my dreams, and then she took a bite out of her big beef sandwich. But, I cannot condemn someone for being brought up poorly. I was brought up the same way, but I exposed myself at the right time to certain stimuli that ultimately changed my way of viewing and interacting with the world. So, again, maybe I will continue with said plan…because I could be her window of opportunity. And, I could just be talking out of my ass. I feel very alive and positive towards the future, I believe I am in Oregon now and the whole world is in front of me. Elation has entered my world, and I am elated. Peace.Love.

If you read a decent bit of the letters section and found the stuff in there about PF+D, this will be a good thing. This notebook, obviously, is from Olympia and it never got too far...but dig it. BB (3/01/03)

Philosophy Freedom and Diet
July 17th, 2000 Olympia WA

Philosophy--understanding and living the ideals of nature; personal views on society, life that define whom a person is
Freedom--to be without leadership; to have no one to answer to but oneself; Anarchy; Autonomy
Diet--What you eat; restrictions as to what one may ingest (through mouth, eyes, ears, phalanges, etc.)--in an attempt to attain a certain goal i.e. establish a weight requirement, who you listen too, who you see, what you may touch; A diet should only be prescribed by ones ruler, ones self
When reviewing these three concepts, we find that they are very closely linked. Linked, so that perhaps they depend on one another to be lived and practiced in unison. Throughout history, Philosophy has been widely regarded as natural--assuming everyone has philosophies. Not everyone views the concept of philosophy ideally, there are many that view quite objectively as if they have a choice when it comes to being philosophical.
Diet
Experiments
Vegetarianism--attempted from late '99 to early 2000. Full blown vegetarian May 2000.
Vegan (strict vegetarian)--attempted May 2000, full blown July 2000-Feb. 2001
Fruitarianism--attempted July 2000-July 2000
No T.V.--attempted from early '99 to early 2000. First extended absence June 2000-Feb. 2001
Vegetarianism--attempted from Feb. 2001-Aug. 2002

Experiments in diet rest largely on a persons environment the main reason all experiments seem to end Feb 2001 is because my body shifted from the West Coast (Oly; CA) to the midwest (chicagoland). It is easier to be vegan out west because it is catered too and widely accepted whereas in the midwest it is even sometimes difficult to be vegetarian. The T.V. experiment ended because all of a sudden I was in a home with a T.V. This doesn’t mean Philosophy Religion that I didn’t ingest any television in that time, but I will guarantee that total time in that span was under ten hours. That average is just over an hour a month and I think the American average is 3.1 hrs/day. And I think from late '99 to Feb 2001 I ingested meat once. I think that the best thing learned is the ability to live without such staples as meat and T.V. I would attest the that the majority of the American population would go on record saying they couldn’t live without one or the other and would certainly die if both were removed from their systems.
(01/03) It should be noted that these attempts aren’t always taken by choice; that, in life, some of the things we grow most from are things that are forced upon us. My current state of experimentation, in various:
Veganism--after living in Indiana for so long and saying to myself that it was too hard to be vegan, I took the first "chance" (in my eyes) I had to get back on the bandwagon of a higher form of living. The form that oppresses the least amount of life. On the evolutionary charts, animals are more evolved than plants and looking at it that way it is more noble. I feel much better about my life, and my position in life.
Cycling--Although I do drive a pickup truck for work right now, my preferred method of transportation is by bicycle. The nation empire of America is attempting to go to war right now in the Middle East for oil prospects and this is my silent protest against that.
(1/03) I think a new thread needs to be opened in this book, how about freedom? Currently, dictator Bush II is driving his regime of the American empire and (more importantly) the American people toward various foreign wars in the name of freedom. His public deposition is that this "Gulf War II: The Phantom Menace" is a defense of American freedom. That because 9/11 happened any oppressive regime that doesn’t have the title "U.S.A." must be terminated by that which was just mentioned. It is silly, there is absolutely no Iraqi or even middle eastern threat to the overrated freedom that the U.S. purports. And by saying absolutely, I mean that. I mean that because 9/11 did happen. But, writing of the past like that doesn’t really offer us anything. Thi I don’t know exactly what I want to say here right now, so I'll just sort of fizzle out and continue at a later date.

--What follows is a notebook started in NY and mostly written in NY time. It is a great way to base me now against who I was in 99, and you know, I have been thinking these thoughts for awhile. It gets out of NY when I start "On the Human Mind" and then who knows? BB (3/01/03)

Notes on the Furtherment of Society
applicable to all
First off, to even to consider to begin furthering society, we must understand past society and our present society structure. A society is comprised of everyone in a set basis of requirements. An individual may break down the requirements as they see fit, they may base requirements on anything they wish to. Some common and mild breakdowns include: race, gender, religion, age, origin, wealth, etc. In each of these indistinct classifications lies a near infinite web of smaller fellowships. This incessant simplification process ends only when the stated requirements point to only one person, you. The society you belong to, essentially, belongs to you only. As your horizons broaden and other societies (singular or that of the masses) invade your own, you grow, learn, adapt. This is as it should be, human survival depends on adaptation ability. To make for a simple example; examine your current surroundings, what you are wearing, reading, watching, hearing, etc. These images you are focusing on now are you, at present. As you grow and learn, you constantly alter your specific society, and you continue to differentiate your society until you feel everything is right and you can back your convictions. It is not easy to pin down your specific society, some people grow old and still continue to alter their society because they do not feel the calm of absolution. The calm that come when you truly believe in yourself and have no regrets (unattained goals).
Societies, are the basis of life. The society structure can easily be applied to all forms of life, not just humans. Society is mutating and expanding so rapidly today, that it is almost impossible to categorize each person in a specific society outside themselves. Each specific society has its positive and negative, a person gauges their a person weighs these traits against themselves to determine whether or not a society structure is right for them. It has to be taken into consideration that, because certain societies have requirements for acceptance, someone who may identify with a society will not be an accepted member because he does do not qualify. These people, rejects of society, become their own society. From this glimpse, one can imagine the infinite number of societies as we simplify to one. To truly understand society structure and society itself, one must first understand the society they belong to. In essence, before you can understand life you must first understand yourself. Life begins with you. Before you, you had no recollection of life, after you............that cannot be said. When you become part of this life, life begins. In your life, you have many choices and how you make your decisions is how you base your life, how you form your society, how you become you.
We, in total (as a society), are not free. We are oppressed, controlled, forced into complacency. This is where society is its greatest. The blind, the followers, the people who pray on others to help them because they feel unworthy and weak. The people that do not feel this way are the minority, the first rejects of mass society.
Get up.
"God makes his will visible to men in events, an obscure text written in a mysterious language. Men make their translations of it instantly; hasty translations, incorrect, full of mistake, omissions, and misreadings. Very few minds understand the divine language. The wisest and calmest, the most profound, decipher slowly, and, when they arrive with their text, the need has long since gone by; there are already twenty translations in the public square. From each translation a party is born, and from each misreading a faction; and each party believes it has the only true text, and each faction believes it possess the light.
"Often the government itself is a faction." excerpt from "Les Mis," Victor Hugo, pg 838
If one were to omit god from this passage, you one would have the innate creativity of the human mind.
Society is at a crucial flux, as if there we have spawned so many subcultures that people can only truly identify with themselves. Negating society, turning to self. You have the blacks, whites, yellowes, jocks, surfers, geeks, nerds, massable herds, lists could go one forever. The point is that we are growing so far apart that we will eventually fight each other (on a singular and global level) to the point of extreme totalitarian regime ruling the world, or extinction. Society is the basis of life.
In the 1960's our parents started to evolve. They decided that hate is wrong, they decided that change was needed. They were faced with problems. Their parents were against change because they had already bought into the systems that create our demise (needless to say, every young crowd compelled toward change will face this drawback...this is because even though our parents felt this way once they were suckered into failure because change is about endurance and the suffering evolution brings about requires immense endurance.) The biggest problem we have is bringing the injustice to light. Our parents had an unnecessary war, an open race war, etc. We have invisible hatred, segregation, internal war; we have things that you cannot see, especially if you were further blinded by the totalitarian government (capitalism, trading for freedom for money; selling your soul to the almighty dollar, making yourself a slave.)
Society, as we know it, is probably going to stay the same our entire lives. Society is like a dysfunctional family. The only real, visible, difference is that society is based on pattern; whereas families are largely experimental. Look at it, every four years we change the head of the family............because this newly appointed head wants to glorify his years at the head, he acts largely on his own behalf. I don’t want to sound like "kings are better than presidents," I want to sound like "the whole is more important than the single." In a family ther the family-therapy session, the therapist tries to alleviate the situation by suggesting mutual power, joint-custody, sharing, sparing, talking, walking, etc. The therapist suggests that for a dysfunctional family to become functional again, they have to get back to the basics: themselves. Sounds like a selfish world, "every family for itself", no state, no country, no ruling class. If America could just get back and give back to herself a little, stop focusing on distant foreign drama, then maybe a few functions will perform properly again.

And where do we And from where do we hail.....an explanation as to why so many people are blind.

On the Human Mind
We are human right? Well, if we are, I do not know where this was supposed to go, so it will head in an entirely new direction.
Inside the human mind, there must be thousands of happenings, happening at the same time--and are we proud to classify ourselves as human? Self decorated "top of the food chain", dominant animal on this planet, most evolved; why are these good things? They really are not. If we are the most evolved creatures why are we the only creatures attempting to kill ourselves, and the rest of the species that inhabit this planet.

Needs to be Covered I. Waste
1. Removal
a. Fruitarian society should only produce organic waste and highly recyclable materials
2. Currents
a. what is happening with waste now
b. how it affects our lives
3. Alternatives
a. always hoping for Utopia, we still need alt's, what to do with waste in a non-fruitarian society
4. Bulk foods and communism
a. Communism=communist product, no competition
b. bulk foods-no packaging, one product
c. to instill bulk law would enact Communism?