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Waring! |
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Interview with Brit-Brat. |
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The ultimate test of faith... the Excorcism of Britney...
Priest 1 (to Britney): In the name of all that is holy, I cast thee out, oh wicked fiend of eternal darkness!
Britney: Hey, guys? Like, you have me tied up now so can we like, get started? Why are you like standing way over there? Nervous? Oh, like that doesn't matter. Chad was like real scared but, like I fixed that. But you gotta like pay first 'cause I--
Priest #2: Curb thy tongue, creature from the depths of Hell!
Britney: - --need the money and my record company is like pretending they're like gonna "erase all contact" with me or something. And like, noone gets with me for free unless they're, like relatives or, like so totally good in bed, so like yeah, you gotta pay first. Unless of course, like, you're still way too nervous then I can sing for you! - Oh baby, baby, how was I supposed to know--
Priest #2 (to Priest #1):Take no heed of this creature's unholy language!
Priest #1 (Britney): Silence, foul creature! No vile minion of yours shall save you now! Have at thee, oh Queen of Deviants! Depart from this body!
Britney: My body? You want my body? Well you can't like have it till you like pay so you gotta wait.
Priest #2: The demon has control of her mind, she cannot think straight! She still believes people will pay to engage in sexual intercourse with her!
Priest #1: I know of noone desperate enough to do that, we must save her almost non-existant soul before it's too late! (to Britney): Depart, wretched fiend! Depart, Prince of Spite!
Britney: Prince William is coming? I always like knew that the cops were like kidding when they told me if I like went within 1000 kilometres of him I would be arrested. Will he like be here soon? I need a like full work-out since you guys are like too nervous or something.
Priest #1: Dear Lord, save me! My strength against this creature is fading! I don't think I shall be able to withstand this any longer!
Priest #2: You must resist, my child! Resist, or the world shall be cast into realms of unknown horror!
Priest #1: But the songs... they're so catchy... must sing along...
Priest #2: Resist! You must resist! (to Britney): Release his soul, spawn of Satan!
Britney (stops singing and smiles at Priest #1): Hey, you're like, real cute! Wanna come over here and untie me? I charge 50 bucks an hour.
Priest #1 (cannot resist the invisible force that seems to be pulling him towards her): Money's in the car... must obey...
Britney: Hurry up and untie me, cutie. I gotta meet Chad in an hour.
Priest #2: No! Don't! She has your soul bound to hers... only the Lord Our God can save you now...
Priest #1 (unties Britney from the bed and snaps out of the trance as she begins to dance) Good God, no! I have failed! What have I done?!
Priest #2: It must not leave the room! If it does, the world will be doomed and the galaxy will be cast into oblivion!
Britney: You guys still like gotta pay. I already told you that only relatives get it for free. Or if you're like real cute. So pay up.
Mom: (enters room) Times up, sweetie. You guys have had over an hour.
Priests: But, the demon has not been vanquished!
Mom: Demon?
Priests: We came here under the impression your daughter needed to be excorcised...
Mom: Well, yeah. She's no way as fit as she used to be and she doesn't get anywhere near as many clients as she did when she was 8. I needed her in tip-top condition for her meeting with the Mayor. She needed a full work-out. She doesn't exercise as much as she should do (at a glance from her daughter) and sex just doesn't have the right effect on her thighs, y'know?
Britney: So I don't like get paid?
Priest #2: Ah... we shall be going then... it's been nice... excorcising you... (they turn and run out of the house)
Priest #1: I have been in the prescence of many an evil entity, Father, but none so vile as that.
Priest #2: Yes, my child. Evil takes on many shapes and forms, but this was a true test of my faith.
Priest #1: Did faith prevail?
Priest #2: I'm not sure... but right now, I need a beer.
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