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Waring! |
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Interview with Brit-Brat. |
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When Britney went to the Shrink....
Britney - [looks at the couch] Um.. am I, like, supposed to lay on that or something?
Doctor - [shrugs] If you want to.
Britney - Well, like, I get the most out of it when I lay down. Me and Justin tried it sitting up but it just wasn't the same, y'know?
Doctor - Um... Miss. Queers - uh - Spears. Your obsession with matters involved in sexual intercourse are very...
Britney - Yah, whatever. Can we get this over with? Like, you're totally cute and like--
Doctor: Miss. Spears! Just sit on that chair so we can talk.
Britney: Talk? So, like, that's what the english call it? And I told you before that it's just not the same when I'm sitting down.
Doctor - Right... I think it's time for the ink-blots test, don't you?
Britney - Like, sure?.. do I still have to sit down?
Doctor - [ignores her] Take a look at this one. [pulls out ink-blot]
Britney - So totally Justin!
Doctor - How about... [pulls out ink-blot]... this one?
Britney - That's Mavis.
Doctor - Uh... who?
Britney - Mavis? Oh, she's Justin's like, little friend.. y'know the one down there? [points]
Doctor - .... right. And this one? [pulls out another ink-blot]
Britney - Oh that is so Justin!
Doctor - Right. Now I shall say a word and you must tell me the first thing that comes into your head.
Britney - Okay. But could you, like, use words that're, like, five letters or less? 'cause if they're more than five I'll
have to get my tutor.
Doctor - [ignores her] Bed.
Britney - Sex.
Doctor - Hot.
Britney - Sex.
Doctor - Firm.
Britney - Ooh, that's easy! Justin when he--
Doctor - [interrupting] I think I shall have to put you on a strong dose of medicine, Miss. Spears. It seems that you're addiction to se--
Britney - [interrupting] No need, I know what to do.
Doctor - [hopeful] Put a loaded gun to your head and pull the trigger?
Britney - No, Silly! I so totally, like forgot to sing for you!
Doctor - [laughing nervously] Yes, defusing a tense situation with light humour... very good, Britney...
Britney - Oh baby, baby, how was I supposed to kn--
Doctor - Oh the humanity!..... Please, Miss. Spears, stop!...... Oh, won't somebody think of the children?!
Britney - What, like, you don't like my singing?
Doctor - No. I deteste it. Now, let's try some straight forward questions, shall we?
Britney - Like, okay.
Doctor - Do you consider yourself to be obsessive?
Britney - Only with Mavis. [points again]
Doctor - How about compulsive?
Britney - Well, I, er, like refuse to give Justin head for, like, more than 3 minutes.
Doctor - Are you a moronic bitch who prostitutes herself for the sole reason that she can't find a guy who hasn't been manufactured out of rubber?
Britney - That has way too many letters in it. Like, a whole bunch. I said five didn't I?
Doctor -[stands up in a temper] Miss, Spears. I have come to the conclusion that you are nothing more than a slutty airhead who needs to return to kindergarten to re-learn the alphabet and the basic art of speech. I suggest you abandon your career as a *ahem* singer, and look for something more... fitting. Like a Lap-Dancer for G. W. Bush. Ideally, you should cease to buy your attire from the kiddie department in the mall and hastily work your way up to the adult section. For future referance, your make-up should be applied with the appropriate untensils, and not a shovel. To reduce your obsession with Justin and his member, so lovingly called Mavis, I suggest you should be kept away from eachother for a minimum of the rest of your lives. [deep breath] That said, I shall now leave you to find a way to repeat what I just said in words of one syllable. [storms out]
Britney - [stares after the psychologist] Um, that was a lot of letters.
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