Here's a question from my annoying neighbor Adam, on 1/14/01
Hypothetical Situation:
I want to commit suicide. The last thing i want to learn is what happens
when a person collides with the ground after jumping out of a plane. Now,
the problem is that studies show people will scare themselves to death,
usually resulting in heart failure, when plummeting to their untimely demise.
So, the only way to experience hitting the ground would be a HALO (high
altitude, low opening) jump with a faulty parachute. I do not want to put my
death on someone elses conscience, so i refuse to ask someone else to pack my
chute and make it not open properly. Herein lies the question. Is it
possibly for a person to knowingly pack their parachute wrongfully, but still
be able to convince themself that it was done correctly?
No, unless you are a skizo. Than one side could convince the other you did it right. But you'd have to be a good debater. And one side would actually know it's a lie. So you'd only half think it's right.
Or you could follow these directions...
- Get a husband who is a doctor.
- Sleep with his brother.
- Find out his brother was actually your half brother in disguise.
- Give birth to your half brother's baby boy (if it's a girl just keep on trying.)
- Name him Cliff.
- Bitch slap your mother.
- Flee to the airport.
- Pack your parachute the wrong way.
- Put it in an airport locker.
- Hire a horrible pilot (better if they have a grudge against you.)
- Board the plane.
Okay, if you followed all these steps you have a high chance of crashing in the Andies, getting amnesia (hence forgetting the parachute was packed incorrectly) and then find the key to the airport locker. You'll probably use the parachute on your adventure honey moon with your new lover, Edwardo (your long lost cousin.) Lastly you'll fall to your doom unwittingly. Now do all these steps carefully and change the sexes relative to your's. Or you could bipass the whole thing and hit yourself on the head with a mallet. Sure you'd probably think you were a tuna sandwhich but it's quicker in the long run. I hope this helped you. If anything it's shown how stupid suicide is.
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