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This question was from my good friend Lava on 12/11/00.

How many licks does it take to annoy someone?

Hmmmmm... Interesting... I never reallly thought about that before I'm guessing about 5 licks. I must go out and test this hypothesis...

15 days later:

AND THE RESULTS ARE IN! (heck it was quicker than the presidential election)

Well, my results differed from minority to minority. I licked everyone on their hand to make it fair. So here's a whole nice list for you...

Chinese: 1 lick: Heck I like chinese but you lick them once and they get all offish.
Amish: all the licks you want: Gosh I could of went at it for hours. Nice folk, never fight, that makes them prime targets for licking.
English: no data: Have you ever seen them? I wouldn't lick them with a ten feet pole! If that makes any sense... But if I would have to guess it would take a whole lot of licks, they're diry people.
Rednecks: 6 licks: Enjoy their lickings. The lick tolerance gets higher the closer relation you are to them and how many names you can fit into your first name. Example: cousin, uncle, Bobbi Anne Jo, Billy Ray
Cats: a whole lot of licks They like it whole lot more than they should...
Sheilas: infinity plus 2 licks: Yeah, well there is only one Sheila I know so I set to work. Couple of times my mom stared at me strangely. And I answered to these looks by saying, "Do you mind? I'm cleaning myself!" The strange thing is I think she bought it... Well, anyway I didn't get really annoyed after all the licking though I was left with a nice hicky to explain to my family.
Sea men: 3 licks: Very salty people. I know you could make a million lude jokes with their minority group name but don't.
Trekies: 10 licks: This is pretty low considering this is was pretty much the only contact with a woman, these trekies have ever got (other than their mother.) I got 10 licks out of them before they whipped out their plastic partical distibulater and started making gun noises until I was scared off their property.
Sweeds: 1 lick: For neutral people they do get testy. Gosh all I did was lick him...
Well there you go the answer to all your questions. Now you can sleep at night. I hope your not offended by any of my remarks I'm not a racist just a scientist of some sorts. My suggestion is to lay off licking Sweeds and start licking the Amish. The Amish are a safe bet. Curious about someone's licking capicity? You can always email me with any suggestions for people I should lick and post the results. I'll be happy to do it. No really I will...

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