Rantings and Ravings of a Closet Manic Depressive
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12/15/00
Love
Beautiful, dynamic
Inspiring, growing, purifying
Irreversibly linked with its opposite
Insulting, growing, putrifying
Ugly, dynamic
Hate
12/15/00
“La la la,” she sang, pretty as a lark.
“Fwoosh” went Cupid’s arrow, hitting its mark.
“What is your name?” he softly asked this miss.
“Shut up; go away,”she said with a hiss.
Dejected
Rejected
He walked away from the girl of his dreams.
Little did he know he would cause all her screams.
Lost in herself; lost in the world alone,
She would come to love him; love him alone.
She knew it
She slew it
His chance at love, her chance for a friend, gone.
Her chance at love, his chance for a friend, gone.
But was it? The sun will shine the next day.
However dark the night, the sun finds a way.
Shining
Climbing
Will these two reconcile? Find the light?
Find each other? Each stumbling through the night?
“Only time will tell,” she said to her child.
“The end. I found him there, out in the wild.
In the wilderness of his heart, he knew.
He knew; he knew that I gave him love true.”
12/15/00
Hey kid!
Whatcha doin?
Wanna come play with me?
I’ve got this nice new ball!
We could play catch!
Really?
Ok!
Let’s go play!
Hey kid!
Whatcha doin?
Wanna come play with me?
I’ve got this—
Oh… Your mom is waiting?
Tomorrow?
Really?
Ok!
See ya then!
Hey there!
Whatcha doin?
Wanna come play with me?
I’ve got this—
Oh… you’ve got plans?
Next week?
Really?
Ok!
See ya then!
Hey buddy!
Whatcha doin?
Wanna—
Oh… you’ve got new friends?
Oh…
Maybe next week?
Really?
No.
I won’t see ya then.
You always cut out.
You're not my friend anymore
So I won’t see ya then.
The Bowl
I am a bowl.
(I am a woman.)
Sometimes I am empty.
(Sometimes I am empty)
Sometimes I am full
(sometimes I am full)
Of ice cream
(of happiness)
With whipped cream and hot fudge.
(with love and kindness.)
Then I am washed out
(Then I am washed up)
Cleaned.
(Purged)
Empty and waiting.
(Empty and hurting)
Sometimes I am full
(Sometimes I am full)
Of vomit
(Of pain)
When someone is sick.
(When I am heartsick)
Then I am washed out.
(Then I am washed up)
Cleaned.
(“Comforted”)
But I smell bitter for weeks.
(But I am bitter for weeks)
Then I smell fine.
(Then I act fine)
Just empty and waiting
(Just empty and waiting)
Just waiting for ice cream
(Just waiting for love)
Why
Do people have to be so ignorant?
Do people have to be so callous?
Do people have to be so blind?
How
Can I live without him?
Can I live with him
Knowing that I cannot have him?
When
Will I be truly happy?
Will it be my turn to shine?
Will everyone realize that they are killing me
slowly?
Who
Am I?
Are my friends?
Can I turn to?
Has the answers?
If there’s something you really want
Go get it.
No matter the cost
No matter the hurt
Go get it.
Does this make sense?
No
Does this make sense?
Yes
When you love someone
Is it so much to ask that they love you back?
Yes
When you love someone
Is it so much to ask that they love you back?
Yes.
Silently following,
Stalking with supreme skill.
The prey senses her presence,
And flees.
She chases,
Still almost soundless.
The prey trips.
Falls.
Knows his end is near.
She pounces,
Leaping with gaping jaws
Towards the helpless victim.
The quarry is no longer such.
He is the kill.
Feasting on her prize,
She is still not satisfied.
Soon,
Very soon,
She will hunt again.
Love
It is the dew on a crimson rose; soft and beautiful
It is the feel of silk on your skin; tender and light
It is the force of a blinding flash of lightning; strong and powerful
It is fire; all-consuming and life-giving
It is the air; life itself.
The Unspoken Rule
I thought I could live without you;
I thought life would go on.
I hoped I would be happy again,
But I can’t
Because you’re gone
I dreamed of finding a man to fill the void
I dreamed of having a new love
I wanted to feel your body again
I wish I could join you up above
Why did you leave me?
Why did you go?
Why is life so damn cruel?
We were destined for each other
But we broke the unspoken rule.
You knew that I loved you
You know I do still
You should be here with me
But someday you will…
We’ll be together in Heaven.
Why did you leave me?
Why did you go?
Why is life so damn cruel?
We were destined for each other
But we broke the unspoken rule.
We loved one another
We were not fools.
We planned out our future
But who broke the unspoken rules?
Sleep
Drifting
As if on a cloud in an aquamarine sky.
Falling
As though into the arms of your lover.
Dreaming
Of things to come.
Waking
In the bask of rose morning brightness.
A description of War
The killing.
The blood.
The agony.
The victors.
The vanquished.
The memories.
The nightmares.
The weapons.
The tears.
The grief.
The homecoming.
The loss.
The reason?
The men.
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