Saturday and Friday nights as a child between the ages of 6-9 used to consist of watching TGIF and playing board games. Every kid played board games even the poor ones had at least some Connect Four Set or something. Battleship, Hungry Hungry Hippos, and numerous other games kept us entertained for hours and hours on in. I’m going to tell you all about the king of all board games.. no! not monopoly! That game sucked ass when compared to this holy grail of board games. This is a game that would make even the Pope proud of you. That’s right I’m talking about Ants in Your Pants!
Now what first pops into your mind when you hear the phrase ants in your pants? Well, besides the thought of picnicking and red ants crawling all over your food and your pants and then giving you a horrible rash you probably don’t have the time to remember t his great game. Ants in Your Pants was the game where you tried to flip the ants into the gigantic pair of suspenders. The ants were colored different so that you can keep your score. The ants were red, yellow, blue, and green. I don’t know about you but just the mind- boggling thought that ants could be yellow, blue, and green scares me. I mean the red ones already bite and sting you and are a huge nuisance. So if you take the other two primary colors and then mix them what do you get? You get the ultra ant from hell! So anyways the “ants” were actually just plastic strips that acted as springs. You pressed the things down and they went flying.
Flying ants , what will they think of next? The really fun part of this game wasn’t playing the game correctly. Hell no what game is actually fun when is just taking one of the ants and seeing what kind of mischief you can get into. I mean just think of the endless possibilities.
1.) While your sister is asleep stick some of these ants in her hair. Just imagine the scream and the look on your sister’s face when she wakes up. It’s golden I tell you and you know it will work since all girls think that bugs are gross unless they are one of those super macho guy looking girls but if that’s the case you are probably afraid to screw with them.
2.) Sticking the bugs in beverages. Just imagine your mom sipping on her cappuccino reading the stocks or whatever your mom does, when she sees a red bug staring her down. And then she’ll be like whoa this bug isn’t backing down and she’ll get part of the bug in her mouth.. She’ll spit out the coffee drop the cup and start screaming. Watch on as hilarity ensues. NOTE: This situation also works putting these in your dad’s beer or your brother’s cereal. Almost anything is a possibility.
3.) The always Classic Melting the Ants or Setting Ants on the Fire. Just like you kill real life ants you go outside with these plastic ants and a magnifying glass on a sunny day, hold the magnifying glass up and then whammo! Fried ant stew! Also similar to melting your ants would be lighting them on fire with matches or a lighter or even the possibility of grilling them. It’s all fun.
Apparently the people that made this game made TWO versions. One of the versions has a firefighter dog wearing the pants. This version disturbs me because dogs don’t wear pants nor can they be firefighters. I mean even those stupid dalmation dogs the firestation has don’t really do anything they just sit around like a bump on a log. And how come on movies you always see the firefighting dalmation riding in the fire truck wearing fire helmets all wagging their tongues and mouths with big old smiles on their faces. Man, movies are bullshit! I’ve never once seen a fire dog do anything like that. The only thing I’ve ever seen a fire dog do is maybe bark or eat some of the leftover fire station chili but that’s about it.
The other version just has a pair of suspenders. Suspenders aren’t usually seen these days anymore except worn by farmers, Kentuckians, rednecks, whatever it’s all basically the same The cool thing about just having a pair of pants is in a sick way you can always be like whoa they stole the pants from some dead guy. Sure yea I guess they could’ve also went to sears and bought a mini pair of suspenders but what is more interesting? The theory that they were stolen from a dead man or the theory that they were bought? Well, The Answer is of course NEITHER!!! I mean the possibilities are endless. What if the man is just invisible? Personally, I always thought of it like that hey diddle diddle song. I mean when the fork runs off with the spoon it is kind of like the man running away from his pants but the man didn’t want his pants to be completely lonely while the guy went around streaking through town or living in some nudist colony for awhile so he left the ants with the pants.
Now I don’t know how many of you grown up type people really give a shit about board games at all so I was thinking what else makes you get ants in your pants? WELL what about a sexy man or woman? YEA YEA YEA.. BOOBIES WOMEN.. well speaking of this look at this picture that I got while searching google for ants in your pants. Yea, I know men aren’t what I’m into either that either but this picture is treasure. Look at this cocky bastard with his wrinkled testicles and speedo. This guy can’t even get excited in his pants but less ants in them . This guy uses viagra and if he does get ants in his pants.
Your sitting here reading this right now. Well maybe about two of you are still reading this overly long and drawn out thing and I think that after torturing I should give you at least something to make this article worthwhile yea we all know ants in your pants is great and all but let’s take a look at some sluts that are making guys get excited everywhere.
