Disclaimingly: Oh, really, now. Let's not be any sillier than we already are.
Notes: Eh.

Barbie Spontaneously Develops a Personality--
But Still Dies

"Hey!" Generic Barbie-Friend Christie exclaims. "Let's go to the mall and buy trendy new clothes!"

"Okay!" Generic Barbie-Friend Kayla says, and puts down the latest issue of Seventeen magazine that she'd been looking at. Those photos of JC from *Nsync are awfully yummy!

"I dunno if I want to go," Generic Barbie says, frowning. She's never frowned before, so the feeling is unsettling. "I think I'd rather make Play-Doh bracelets with my little sister and read some Elizabeth Bishop poems."

Stunned silence from Barbie's Generic Friends.

"Barbie…" Generic Barbie-Friend Lea gasps, horrified. "You--you've developed a personality!"

"How does it feel?" Generic Barbie-Friend Kayla asks, anxiously. "Do you have a headache?"

"A personality?" Barbie wrinkles her forehead in puzzlement. "It feels… weird. I think I have… opinions and stuff." Barbie is amazed.

"Oh no," Christie says sadly. "There's only one thing to do, then."

"What's that?" Barbie asks, but before anyone can reply, Christie whips out a Colt .45 and blows the top of Barbie's skull off. Gloomy silence ensues as the three Generic Friends watch Barbie's corpse slide slowly to the floor and a pool of blood begins to grow on the carpet.

Then, as Christie puts her gun away, Lea asks brightly, "So! Still wanna go to the mall?"

"Okay!" Christie and Kayla say, happily. The three hop into Barbie's pink Jeep and drive away.