TITLE: Dialogue
AUTHOR: Raietta
DATE: May, 2001 created; May, 2002 posted
E-MAIL: raietta@yahoo.com
CATEGORY: M/K pairing
RATING: G
BASIC GIST: Well, it’s a dialogue (hence the incredibly witty title)
DISCLAIMER: Ahem. Not mine. And so forth.
NOTES: I really don’t want to, but I suppose I should explain the story a little. This takes place some years in the future, I’d say at least six or seven. It’s, by now, an AU. This is actually a snippet out of a much larger story that I will most probably never finish and never post, so I’m cannibalizing the story into individual snippets that can stand alone. If, after reading this, you still don’t quite get it (though it’s a rather obvious storyline, so I’m acting a lot more profound and enigmatic than I should), feel free to e-mail me (raietta@yahoo.com) and yell at me, and I’ll explain it out. Also, some M/K people might get offended about the biological origins of one of the voices. But I’m not changing it. I also have the word “yeah” in here about a zillion times. I’m actually sorry about that. But I’m not changing it. =0)
DEDICATION!: To the usual: For Araxdelan, as a birthday present, and because I adore her, and for Aris, because she is the coolest thing since life spread, and I adore her, and for Rebop, even though she doesn’t read X-Files fic, because I’ll never get that X-Men fic done, and I adore her.

“Tell me about when you first met.”

“When we first met?”

“Yes.”

“Hmm. Well, let me think, here. Well, I didn’t like him very much when we first met. Actually, I kind of thought he was a creep.”

“A creep?”

“A... twerp. Someone with no personality whatsoever. He really bugged me.”

“How come? How come he bugged you?”

“Well, that’s kinda hard to explain. This was when your mommy and I weren’t allowed to work together any more, and I was in a really bad mood.”

“You were in a bad mood a lot back then, weren’t you?”

“Uhh... Yeah. I guess I was.”

“You’re a lot happier now.”

“Heh. Yeah. You think?”

“Yeah. Tell me about when you first met him.”

“Well, I was stuck on wiretap duty, that’s this really boring job you only get if your superiors hate your guts, and--”

“How come they hated your guts? What are superiors?”

“My bosses. They just didn’t like me very much, that’s all.”

“Oh.”

“And I wanted this one job, because it looked really promising--”

“Which job was it?”

“The one with the Bible man.”

“Oh. That one.”

“And I really wanted that assignment, but Alex got to it first. And so when I met him for the first time, I really didn’t like him much at all. Wouldn’t even shake hands.”

“Oh.”

“Not very romantic, huh?”

“I guess not. When did you start liking him, then?”

“Oh, not for a long time. I really hated him for a long, long time.”

“You did?”

“Well. It’s difficult to explain. You’ll understand better when you’re older. But back then, it wasn’t a very happy time for anyone, and Alex... he did some bad things a few times, and I didn’t understand why, and I didn’t like him because of that.”

“If they were bad things, then why did he do them?”

“Well, that’s complicated, too, hon.”

“I can understand.”

“Yes, I know. I know you can. It’s just, human beings are all very complicated, and their feelings are very confusing, sometimes. Those were very confusing times. I don’t really understand half of what I did or why, myself.”

“Tell me.”

“Well, take Alex. He did some really bad things when he was younger, before you were born, but he did them because he had to.”

“Oh. Like Mr. Walter’s being sick, and your daddy dying.”

“...Who told you all that?”

“You did.”

“...Damn.”

“I’m big enough to know those things. Like, when you get sad all the time at Christmas, that’s because Gramma and Grampa are dead, and you miss them. Right?”

“Right.”

“Tell me about when you first fell in love with each other.”

“Humm. Okay. That wasn’t until after you were born. And your mommy died.”

“When we lived in the apartment.”

“You remember the apartment?”

“Yeah.”

“Yeah. You know what’s really funny? I really miss that old apartment. Especially the couch.”

“I miss it, too. I miss the way it smelled.”

“It *smelled*?”

“Yeah. Not bad. Like Chinese food and smelly socks that need to be washed.”

“God. I’m a horrible parent.”

“No you’re not. Tell me about when you first fell in love.”

“Okay, okay. Um. Okay. Your mommy was dead, and I was really, really sad.”

“How come you were sad?”

“Because I loved your mommy a lot. She was my best friend in the entire world. Even more than Langley and Byers and Frohike. And I missed her.”

“Do you still miss her?”

“Yeah. Oh, I do, hon. I do.”

“Yeah. I do, too.”

“Well. I was so unhappy, and then Alex came along and made me feel better. He helped me not be so sad any more.”

“Tell me about it.”

“Well, all I was doing was moping around and taking care of you, and doing a horrible job, and drinking a lot, and I didn’t care about work, and I didn’t care about the X-Files, and I didn’t care about aliens, and I didn’t care about conspiracies, I just didn’t care. And then Alex shows up out of the blue, and is his usual infuriating self, and snaps me out of it. He says, ‘Don’t worry about the Consortium any more, I took care of it.’ And I say, ‘What the he-- uh, heck are you talking about,’ and he says, ‘For God’s sake, Mulder, get a grip on yourself. You’re falling apart, here.’”

“And then what happened?”

“And then I just sorta... well, this is kind of embarrassing to admit to, but I kind of just slumped into the couch and cried a lot.”

“Where was I?”

“You were in your crib.”

‘Then what happened?”

“Then Alex said, ‘Oh, for the love of God,’ and gave me a Kleenex, and vanished into thin air.”

“Oh.”

“He’s good at that, vanishing into thin air.”

“Yeah. But when did you fall in *love*?”

“Oh. That didn’t happen for a while. But it wasn’t hard to do. It’s easy to love him, once you’ve gotten past his rather scruffy and obnoxious exterior.”

“Huh?”

“Never mind. I mean, he’s really easy to love, once you get to know him. I hope I’m getting lots of bonus points for saying the word ‘love’ without flinching.”

“Tell me about when you first knew it, though. When you first knew you were in love.”

“Oh. Hmm. Okay. That was when I quit working for the FBI. I’d just handed in my notice, and was going to the daycare to pick you up, and Alex just materialized in a doorway, and looked at me as I got closer. It was really surprising. I hadn’t been expecting him, so it was something of a jolt.”

“He’s like a magician on TV.”

“Exactly. That’s exactly what he’s like. And I just looked at him, and he just looked at me, and neither of us were smiling, and his eyes were dark, but all of a sudden, for no conceivable reason, I just-- bam! Fell in love. Or realized I was in love. I think I’d been in love with him for a long time, but only then, at that moment, walking down the street to pick you up from daycare, did I realize it. It was so amazing.”

“Yeah.”

“Yeah. And I just kept on walking toward him, and he just stood there looking at me walking toward him, and I stopped in front of him and I said, ‘What?’ And he said, ‘Nothing, Mulder. I just wanted to say...’ and then he trailed off and just looked at me some more. Isn’t that romantic?”

“Yeah. I guess.”

“I see the famous Scully humor is alive and well in you, hon.”

“What happened next!”

“Okay, okay. Simmer down, girl.”

“Well?”

“Well, I said ‘Say what? You wanted to say what?’ Alex looked at me and said, ‘I just wanted to say, I know how hard it was, for you to do that.’ And I said, ‘Do what?’ I was feeling kind of insecure and paranoid at the moment. Alex said, ‘Resigning from the Bureau. I know that must have been hard.’ And then we just stood there, like a couple of... a couple of... well, a couple of uncomfortable morons, I guess.”

“Hee, hee!”

“And that was that. The beginning of our passionate and beautiful relationship. The Great Twenty-First Century Romance. Ugh. Romance. I feel so... so girly, all of a sudden. Guys don’t *say* they ‘fall in love’ with people. It’s so unmanly.”

“Tell me more.”

“I need a beer.”

“No, no, tell me about when you first got the house together.”

“Oh, you remember that.”

“Yeah, but tell me about it.”

“There’s not really anything to tell. The apartment was too small, you wanted a cat, Alex wanted to move in, I wanted a bigger bathroom, so we decided, ‘Hey! Let’s buy a house!’ So we did.”

“That was the first house.”

“Right.”

“Yeah. I liked that house best. But I like this house, too. I like our neighbors, too.”

“Yeah.”

“Where are you going?”

“I’m getting a root beer. You want some juice? Or some milk?”

“No, no, tell me something else.”

“Ohh...”

“Just tell me, tell me about something really nice, that I didn’t know before. About you and Alex.”

“Oh, I don’t know. I don’t know anything that you’d want to hear.”

“Tell me about something good that you like to think about.”

“I like to think about you.”

“Aw. But I mean with Alex.”

“Okay. Okay. Uhm. Okay. Okay, when you were a lot littler, you had that Big Wheels tricycle, remember that? The one with the Rugrats pictures all over it?”

“Yeah. It’s in the garage.”

“Right. Well, when you were littler, you’d peddle that thing up and down the sidewalk all day long, and up and down all the driveways. Remember that?”

“Yeah.”

“And sometimes, whenever you were riding the Big Wheels, Alex would come outside and sit on the grass in the front yard and watch you and drink a Pepsi. And I’d look out the front window and watch you tearing around the sidewalk, peddling that bike like mad, shouting and singing, and I’d watch Alex watching you, watch him sitting on the grass next to the sprinkler watching you, and that just made me so happy. That just made me really, really happy. And then sometimes he’d get up and push you around on the bike, make you zoom around like a little crazy rocket. And you’d be screaming with laughter, and he’d be just running as fast as his legs could go, pushing you along, and that just about made me die, it was such a great thing to see.”

“Oh.”

“Some people who know him liked him better when he was mad and bad and powerful, when he was all dangerous and cold and gorgeous. But let me tell you. He’s not so gorgeous any more, he’s got a little paunch and his eyes have lost their edge, and he has an awful haircut, and he’s cheerful and watches football all the time, and I like that. I like that, I like a sloppy, happy, chubby Alex a lot more than I ever liked the dangerous assassin, the guy who’d kill for me. I don’t want someone who’d kill for me. I want someone who’d push a kid on her trike around the neighborhood and make her laugh. I *love* someone who’d push a kid around on her trike and make her laugh. I don’t want a dangerous assassin, and I don’t want a beautiful graceful lover who can cook five-star dinners and is capable of wild gymnastics in bed. I want a guy who’ll spend forty-five minutes threatening a plumber who’s six hours late with dismemberment, then try to fix the sink himself and ends up blowing out the bathroom wall. I want a guy who cries whenever he watches ‘Bambi’ with you. That’s what I’m in love with. That’s what makes me happy.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

“Yeah.”

“So.”

“Yeah?”

“You want that milk?”

“Okay.”

“Wanna drink it out in the back yard?”

“Yeah.”

“Hey. What was that for?”

“Just ‘cause I love you.”

“Oh, hon. I love you, too. Here, lemme give you a kiss back.”

“When’s Alex coming home?”

“Soon, hon. In a few hours.”

“Good.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

***

THE END