Bernard Landry: Just Lucien Bouchard in a cuddly but sinister chocolate coating. "Red Rag" indeed!
Yep, today's our There's something wrong with the world today, I don't know what it is (a la Aerosmith) rant. A black background for an even blacker topic. You see, these past weeks have given me a lot to bitch about, so why not roll it all up into one gigantic ball of bitterness? We're gonna be looking at that bastard Bernard Landry of the Bloc Quebecois (aie, gestapo!), the crappiness of the recent student council elections at Western Canada High, and the idiocy of Calgary's newspapers! Sounds fun? Well let's find out!
Let's start with Bernard Landry. Landry is the successor to Lucien Bouchard as the PQ Premier of Quebec. (For my american fans, instead of Senators, we have Premiers, and instead of States we have Provinces. Oh yeah, and instead of water-flavoured swill, we have beer. Yep, there go ALL my american fans). Now, while certain people thought of Lucien Bouchard as a bitchy, whiny pegleg of an anti-canadian frog, Landry makes me yearn for the good ol' Third Reich of Bouchardism. Sure, they're practically the same guy, but where Bouchard was a cautious politician, Landry is a rabid, yipping pug-dog.
Some (and I among them) criticize Landry for his oftentimes violently outspoken "dissing" of Canada. During his time as premier (which sadly continues), Landry referred to our wonderful Canadian flag as the "Red rag". Now, call me vulgar, but doesn't "red rag" mean a used panty liner? Therefore it is doubly insulting (no offense to women, but come on, it's our FLAG!) I put it to you, does THIS look like a "red rag?"
*wipes a tear* I think not. For I am Mark, and I am canadian! Even if that yapping french chihuahua (forgive the incongruity) doesn't wanna be.
Now, anyone who is canadian remembers the whole separatism stank a few years ago with Bouchard, right? And how the whole country rallied together to try and kiss ass even MORE to get Quebec to stay. Well, after Landry made such comments as the "Red Rag" and "[Canada] is hurtful to Quebec", I'm not so sure I'm gonna be voting against separation next referendum.
I mean, such blatant disrespect to a country that has given so much to Quebec cannot go unpunished. Therefore let me go into a short list concerning why Quebec is pooched if they separate.
Quebec will need to raise taxes an insane amount in order to make up for what they got as handouts from Ottawa
Lots of the population will leave
Quebec will face the threat of invasion from the states once it is no longer protected by Canada
Companies with their offices in Quebec will leave
They'll run out of money REALLY soon
So even with all of these consequences, why the hell would anyone wanna separate anyway? Well, maybe it's 'cause Landry is too proud and arrogant to back down. Maybe it's because the people of Quebec won't quit the hell electing "péquistes" to office. Who knows? Maybe one day Landry will be visited by three ghosts who will call him names and throw cheese at him until he decides to straighten up and fly right.
Worst of all, after Quebec separates, all the other provinces will have a precedent. Alberta will be the next to go. Which I guess for me, being Albertan, is a good thing. I mean, sans all this national energy plan crap, Alberta will have a lot more grain and natural gas to go around. Which means that we won't have as much tax to pay on petrol or whatever. Plus, we'll have all sorts of exports to pay for the imports that we need. For a resource-rich province like Alberta, separation from a rather unfair government seems like a good idea. But for Quebec, a province with something as flighty as companies as their main money-maker, and 50% of the vote that counts in parliament, it's madness to separate.
So this is what I propose: We let Quebec separate, stew in the bitter juices of poverty for a while, and then when they come banging at our door to be let back in, we be the big, magnanimous country that we are, and take a humbled Quebec under our wing - hopefully after they strung Landry up by his toenails.
There, wasn't that fun? Now, I'm going to leave it at that with the Quebec issue. Since you're probably already tired of reading, I'll put the other two in a separate Rant all their own.
Remember, if you have any questions, concerns, or opinions, feel free to e-mail me. Maybe I'll even start a message board for these hard-hitting issues.
