No, what I'm talking about here is delicious Chef Boyardee canned pasta. Yep, Mini Ravioli, Mini Bites (with cheese ravioli and meatballs!), spaghetti, spaghetti and meatballs... oh, the variety is endless! Usually it's a swift, delicious treat, ready in three and a half minutes... but oh was I wrong. Let me play the scenario out for you.
Well, I was a little sad because of a girl I like, as well as stress and all sorts of problems... so I decided to try out a little vitamin beef. I nuked it up well, stirred it around and tucked in to the accompaniment of a nice tall glass of milk.
Well, I ate it up, drank my milk and cleaned up like a good little boy. Nothing karmically wrong so far, right? Well, maybe I killed a bug or something, because something started feeling nasty in my gut. Well, things progressed badly, and I ended up clutching my stomach in agony.
Now, maybe it was backlash from something I ate earlier, maybe it was actually the boyardee, MAAAYBE it was a cruel trick from some higher power, but something was definitely rotten in the state of Denmark.
You're probably saying "well Mark, why don't you sue?"... Some people say you always hurt the one you love, but Mr. Boyardee is untouchable. Someone who has his face on that many cans is too strong to bring down. What's the use?
Here's a fun fact: A friend of mine discovered that if you draw a small moustache on Chef Boyardee, he looks the spitting image of a pudgy Hitler. Startling, isn't it? I guess my bowels are allied...
Mark Edwards is switching to Top Ramen.
