Today's rant: March 31st 2001
Oh the horror. Yeah, I couldn't believe it either. The dreaded Olsen twins are into the gameboy now. As if the later episodes of Full House weren't enough.
Anyone who hasn't been living under a rock since the 80's has had to have heard of the Olsen twins. Yes, the delightfully cute baby from Full House has not only grown up, but divided in two. Yeah, I know all about labour laws that limit the hours that babies can work so networks find twins to play the roles. Unfortunately sometimes this little taste of fame only whets the appetites of these terrifying juggernauts.
The Olsen twins met notoriety head on with their role on Full House as the loveable baby Michelle. Yes, Michelle who introduced "Full House Syndrome" (people laugh at whatever the baby says because they're so gawl-darned cute) to the world. Well, the show went on far too long with its feelgood plot and moral endings. This was back in the day when TV daytime sitcoms were not only entertaining, but educational as well.
But days went by, the show's popularity faded, but Bob Saget and co. just couldn't stop flogging a dead horse. So the show went on and on, and the twins got bigger.
As is the wont of all "good" things, Full House was cancelled and the cast moved on. By this time the Olsen twins were older and less cute, but still TRYING to be funny. Needless to say it didn't work, and the twins moved on. They had music videos, a bunch of failed TV shows, and a whole shiatload of other god-awful ventures, the twins have moved on to more technologically advanced methods of torture.
Unfortunately even Nintendo's gameboy is not safe, as is painfully shown above. With a THREE gameboy games out for the gameboy alone, I am left asking myself "Who buys this shit?"
I mean, take the pocket planner for instance. Sure, the GBC's got an IR port, but it's got an effective range of about an inch. Plus the GBC's a system, and a really bulky one to be a planner, so what's the big deal? It makes me think that this wasn't a ploy to make money, but just to remind the world that they're still alive.
So what's the secret behind the evil? I mean, they're not funny and they're not interesting. They're not even cute anymore. Hell, my goddamned SISTER's cuter than the twins, but still they seem to think that people want to see their mugs or their crappy merchandise.
So here's my plan: I'm gonna become a cute TV star, and be even bigger than the backstreet boys. Then I'm gonna call all my fans sick animals. Eesh, how can people get so fixated on fads? Bah, maybe this wasn't the best rant ever, but it sure helped me vent some frustration about how some people can get so successful regardless of how much they suck.
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Email: medwards2000@home.com
