Hi, I,m David Yike. I got to admit things in the Yike household have been a little tough lately. I have just come back from a visit to the pyramid and its confirmed all my worst suspicions about that mysterious structure.
My visit started well enough, the atmosphere was more civilised than I'd imagined. A nice gentleman (obviously a shapeshifting alien) took my coat and saw me to a table where we flipped a few coloured chips around. This was obviously a map of the whole planet and the aliens were clearly inviting me to use my incredible intelligence to help them decide where to make saucer landings. I must say the price of entry was a bit steep though, just about cleared out all my savings, all my royalties from sales of The Biggest Laugh.
Now Doris is not pleased when I get home. She is crying a lot these days and spends a lot of time in her 'studio.' Doris says we are under pressure. On the table I see a mysterious threatening letter from a sinister cult, obviously related to secret Nazi societies. They call themselves 'The Power Company' and say they have sent me their 'final demand,' yeah sure...'final solution' more like.
I see their literature around the house and little bottles of secret potions they obviously need to stay alive. The cult is called AVON surely short for Alien Visitors Organisational Network. Clearly something is compelling Doris to sell these potions, she says its because we are broke after the pyramid fiasco but I think its sinister mind control.
Doris is getting pally with a mysterious stranger called Mr Pettigrew who claims to be the AVON regional coordinator. Sometimes they spend hours in Doris's studio and I can low moanings in there, obviously they are mutillating cattle.
Finally my run in with the Power Company cult reach a peak and I am abducted at night by their alien reptillian masters.
Its two a.m. and I,m just finishing my warm milk and suddenly boom, boom, boom. Is it the rotor blades of a black helicopter? No its banging on the door then crash I'm faced with two men in black called Bail and Liff and they are breaking up my whole home. I run after them but its no use so I head for the pyramid to confron the reptillian parasites. They bar my way, something about my credits no good no more so I retreat to Al's bar downtown. Hours later I'm aware that I am inside a huge metal structure engulfed in a primeval soup of some kind. I must have been abducted and now the aliens must plan some horrible mutillation on me. I dont want a silicon chip in my pineal gland no sir. Its then I climb out and realise I've passed out in a dumpster parked behind the pyramid. I have three days of stubble though, clearly I have been held in a timewarp as I have no recollection of passing tiime at all. I climb out, a tiny figure against the pyramid. O Doris.