The Y Files

Hi its Dave. Doris and I have had our probs but now we're looking to get love vibe on stream again. I've insisted that Doris's own personal truth vibration go back in its box for the duration. We've decided to find a joint interest. Doris wants to try table tennis but I thought hunting down the greys together would be more in tune. Doris says o no not more conspiracy nonsense, she hasn't got over me confronting the store manager at Lucky's supermarket, come on though having a pyramid of bean cans at the entrance was clearly a reference to the Babylonian reptillian brotherhood. I remind Doris that I was abducted by an alien and subjected to mind control after the incident. She says actually I was held in the managers office, a mr Ahmed, and only cleared after psychiatric reports.
But me and Doris have to try something together so grey hunting it is. Doris tries to contact the blighters in a trance and spends $800 on a magnascope pointed out of our dorma window. Now as you visitors to my Dirge of Love webcam will know I believe the aliens are amongst us. We dont have to look far to find them and all this ufo nonsense is a scam by our governments to get us watching the skies rather than our society. So while Doris is doing a Jodie Foster, looking wistfully over the night sky, I'm doing the direct search at ground level. The aliens are cunning, they assume the identities of normal citizens, to root them out of their hives you need profound investigative cunning. I find 564 'Greys' listed in the area phone book. The chance of alien life in our suburb is therefore 564-1. 'Spooky dook Doris,' I cry... Albie and Hettie Grey live at 51 Babylon Villas. This is too much, Babylonia and Area 51, this guys an alien walk in for sure. So we put on our purple jumpsuits (ok you thought I'd ditched em in the 90's) and I felt tip two slanty eyes on our breast pockets. 'If theres something strange who ya gonna call......greybusters.' Ok our car was repossessed so we mince our way to Babylon Villas stopping only to pick up wraparound shades at Sunglasses Hut. I can march pretty quick with Doris at my side, hitting 8mph I say to Doris, hey Do these aint my shades theyre my reentry shields.
We hit the hive at 12.02, otherwise known by its cover name of 'Area' 51 Babylonia Villas. Outwardly there are symbolic giveaways in the driveway if like me, you are a self trained alien codebuster. Those garden gnomes denote how the alien brotherhood see us humans as totally under their spell, wasting our time fishing or gathering little acorns or pushing little barrows. Direct approach, I dont believe in confrontation as I say in my books its better to stay at home and put out positive vibrations but well I got to impress Doris so I tap the brass doornocker. I raise my supersoaker and prepare to tackle the shapeshifter even if he dons his human mantle in all its phoney cardigan and TK Maxx glory. I keep up the heroic pose for some time until a neighbour looks over the fence. This guy is obviously a deep throat. He chain smokes, another giveaway and tries to feed us some spook story about how 'Albie' has gone to visit his Mother, clearly the queen of the hive who has already fled our investigation. They guy says he left that morning and by the way if we're pest control why have I got 'greybuster' crayonned on my chest. He doesnt blink either, man this guys a giveaway, a shapeshifter of the shiftiest ilk. I lean over the fence at our igarette man and give him the whistle from Close Encounters together with a knowing wink.
I know how to handle federal squeelers, you got to tease it out of them. He's obviously living here under witness protection, probably seen umpteen craft landing on what passes as a barbecue stand in Albie's yard. So i edge up to him and ask a question I already know the answer to. Doris is astounded that I deduced our quarries mode of departure, yeah a 'Grey'hound bus, you can run, you can ride grey boy but you cannot hide....
part 2 soon...