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In one of my previous mails, I exclusively revealed that S club 7 are indeed
controlled by Satan. But how did The Devil manage to find 7 people desperate
enough to do his dirty work for him?
Well, the four girls were actually
prostitutes working at Lime Street in Liverpool. They also starred in German
porno movies.Lucifer flew these individuals to his fiery domain by Virgin
Airlines and asked these four whores if they were prepared to demean
themselves beyond belief. When they said yes,the group's name, "Orgasmo
Girls" was decided, and their first single, "Oiled and Handcuffed" was
scheduled for release. However, Beelzebub decided that the band's target
audience of adolescent boys was too small and decided to target the larger
"screaming six year olds and their deep pocketed parents" demographic.
It was decided that boys were needed to capture that all important
"screaming teenage girl" fanbase, so Lucifer scanned the nation's McDonalds
burger emporiums for 3 fry packers gullible enough for the job.John, Paul
and Bradley were deemed perfect for the band, and after they'd all been
given lobotomies (like they needed them) And ridiculous grins had been
grafted onto their faces, Satanic Club 7 were ready to brainwash the weak
minded masses!
So why did they agree to Lucifer's demands? The answer is in the poem
below.
Pesos, Dinars, Dollars, Cents,
Cruzeiros, Shekels, Pounds and Pence,
Kenyan Shillings, Riels and Sen,
Deutchmarks, Lira, Guilders Yen,
Kopeks, Roubles, Punts, Zloti,
Salvadorian Colons, Francs, Maloti,
Hong Kong Dollars, Drachma, Rand,
That is why I'm in this band
Gucci, Gautier, Flashy Car,
Expensive Restaurants, Caviar,
Lots of Money, Tons of Wealth,
All to spend upon Myself
Alright, so I stole the vast majority of this from How To Be a Spice Girl. Sue me.
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