Jeremy
I’ve been mentally raped tonight.
I don’t know what to say now, how to act around you.
I sit here with imagined conversations in my head,
The right words are always far too late for me.
You don’t seem to understand that heaven is just a dream
To a girl who still suffers the inquisition of her own nightmares,
Bares the scars of countless battles that raged inside of her.
I see the scars on you too, but that's the problem.
You don’t hide yours. Half my life has been spent applying various shades of camouflage,
different personalities and modes of thought to parade about in.
I’m afraid.
You are too. I’m sorry.
I’m alone tonight.
I cry, ashamed, because you bore the faces of so many before you tonight.
Hands shaking, afraid to look into your eyes just in case you are just like the others.
I don’t want you to be. Why couldn’t I just say that?
I guard every emotion; every thought like the very fabric of my being depends on keeping it from the world.
You saw it as that.
And I almost hate you for it.
I want to scratch your face out, because you were able to make me utterly defenseless in just a week’s time.
I’ve never been so off guard.
Partly because you’re right, but mostly because you’re wrong.
It angers me that I still come across that way.
Maybe i want to scratch out my own face - I can’t decide.
Why the hell aren’t you answering your phone?
Are you angry too?
(Afraid that we came so close?)
Are you afraid that our lips were just trespassing on each others body?
Stupid boy. Damnable girl. Lost souls.
( Hiding just beneath the blanket from shadows.)
You’re forcing a confession our of me - do you realize that?
Countless torturers and madmen couldn’t do the same.
I don’t sleep well.
Especially on nights like this, when the moon hides its face mourning what could now be lost,
When all the fireflies have flown to happier places,
Times when the magic has evaporated from the air, leaving dew as the only reminder that it was ever there,
Nights when they won’t answer their phone.
Back to Poems
Main Page
