Shame ... my crap ass apoligy 1
This the email that started it all ... i was stupid ... I TOTALLY did not do anything wrong ... but it's funny to witness my stupidity ...
hi james
I really hate this shit but since you won't talk to me in person or on the phone I've resorted to this. I really want to know why you're upset at me. Could it be because you're an inbred asshole? It seems like everyday you have a new excuse ... I'm tired of it. Look, I want to be your friend but it seems like everything I do you try to sabotage it. Sabotage ... you think he killed Kennedy? I haven't the slightest clue why you're mad at me, yet alone how to fix it. James I would do almost anything you could possibly ask to fix this but I fail to see the problem. I know it now ... you're a cock sucking asshole! I amaze myself sometimes... Are you still upset about 1-2-01? Cause if you are thats completely sad. I've done everything I can think of to make you happy and you still randomly hate me for no apparent reason. James, if you honestly want to be my friend this has got to stop. I've apoligized for my crimes - I don't know what else you want me to do. It is seriously one of the saddest things to ever happen to me - the break up of our friendship.Yeah, and the time I lost my fuzzy slipper... Just as soon as I think it's getting better you you do something like this. You keep hurting me and like a dumbass I keep taking it.Enough said there.
I know I put you through a lot of pain, but you did the same to me (not that you noticed - or even cared). And at least I admitted my wrong doing and tried to admit it - you did nothing of the sort. I know you're reading this thinking "She caused it all - I shouldn't have to apolgize." And if thats what you think then fine. I can honestly say that I suffered AT LEAST as much as you did. Yeah, that tends to happen when you actually tell the truth... And I know I fucked up the closeness you two had but look at it from my view. You still have a girlfriend who cares about you while I have jackshit - a guy who doesn't even want to be my friend. That hurts. Yeah, I laughed so hard i burst my abs I've sacrificed my dignity and self respect to you over and over and you don't even care. Yeah, I killed them on my little shrine ... right next to your voodoo doll ...
I know you suffered too. I read your poems (which, by the way, were good) No they weren't - I was being polite. They sucked ass.And they obviously showed a lot of anger about me (and no, your writing writing isn't that indescrete - i kinda figured which were about me.) "Whore" and "Bitch" are usually a dead give away for something like that.It upsets me that to this day you still place all the blame on me ... but i'm not going to get into that. But I will...And I was particularly disturbed at the fact that you really HATED me - that came up more than once in what I read ( I remember one called "Lying Dead" I think.) I don't see why you cant let it go ... Its the lack of brain cells.
Now I'm going to actually talk about what happened. First of all, I NEVER tried to intentionally break you two up. No comment. And even thought I apoligized like a million times - SORRY. This is hard for me. The next few lines are a bit too personal for even me. I'm SO SORRY ... I wish you'd believe me. HEHEHE - no wonder he didn't belive me ... that's such crap! If I could change it I would. Yeah, I would have bit it off When I went out to the garage I was absolutely TERRIFIED you'd hate me. Boo Hoo And when you didn't I wasn't sure what to do. When you hugged me I simply crumbled, thinking "Oh Fuck" - thats when serious emotions began to get involved. Homicide is a serious emotion...
More personal stuff...
Now if you want to be friends For real then you might have to chang a bit. TELL ME WHATS UPSETTING YOU... how else can I fix it? And IT doesn't hurt to trust me once in a while ... I don't expect you to trust me with your life or anything ... but you should start somewhere. And believe it or not, I trust you. I can prove it anytime you want... How sad ... but funny ... I should be on Opera.
Please Try to help me out with this ... I consider our friendship to be well worth the effort. Did I get that out of some sappy G-rated movie or what? I know it sounds gay AND DON'T TAKE THIS THE WRONG WAY!! - but I care for you... I'd like you to be my next Daniel. You know, a REAL friend?Just shoot me. Your generally a good person HAHAHAHAHA!! GOOD PERSON!?!?! and I think you're very capable of this... At least give it a real chance. Well, I think I've babbled enough today .. So I guess this is good-bye ... hopefully not for good ... but thats up to you. Bye.But luckily We grew to hate each other... and the fun began.
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