My Wisdom And Odd Facts (to disperse amongst the trolls as directed)
Joy = dish soap.
If someone tells you to pull their finger consider it a challenge.
The human head weighs 8 pounds and it takes 8 pounds of pressure to break the human knee. Think about it.
Tuna fish and penut butter do indeed go well together.
A Pig orgasm lasts 30 minutes. Thus proving God is sometimes cruel.
Belly button lint smells just like the stuff behind your ears.
It has been proven that the more exposure to light, the smaller average erection size of the male penis.(Now where did I leave my sunscreen...)
Wisdom
Sometimes I think the surest sign that there is intellegent life elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contactus.
Anything in life is either immoral, illegal, or fattening. Anything not fitting into these categories causes cancer in rats.
As you journey through life take a moment to consider the other fellow. He could be planning something.
The optimist declares this is the best of all possible worlds. The pessimist fears this is true.
To attract a man wear a purfume called "new car interior".
Early to rise, early to bed, makes a man healty but socially dead
There are easier things in life than finding a good man ... nailing Jello to a tree for instance.
In case of emergency break glass. Scream. Bleed to death.
It IS as bad as you think and they ARE out to get you.
The dumber people think you are the more suprised they're going to be when you kill them.
Friends help you move. Real friends help you move dead bodies.
If you're feeling unsucessful just remember: eagles may soar, but moles never get sucked into jet engines.
Marriage is love. Love is blind. Marriage is an institution. Therfore, marriage is an institution for the blind.
One of the advantages to being disorderly is that one is constantly making new and exciteing discoveries.
Humans and porpoises are the only animals which have sex for pleasure. They are also the most intellegent animals next to humans(need I point out the obvious?)
Cat piss glows in a blacklight(For your entertainment!)
If you feed a seagull Alka-Seltzer its stomach will explode(you know you want to...)
Prince William and Harry are uncircumcised(only in Britian THESE days...)
For all the muscians of the world: most toliets flush in E flat.
"Mr. Mojo Risin" is an anagram for Jim Morrison.
Jonathan Davis, lead singer of Korn, Was in his high school band for(get this) Bagpipes.
Live your life like a public bonfire on a hilltop. That way there's always someone else to blame.
Men are like cats - they scratch stuff rudely, make weird noises when not fed properly, get upset if you don't want to play, and regardless of designated areas, they WILL go anywhere.
Sex is like air. It's not important unless you're not getting any.
If you think no one cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
Duct Tape is like The Force. It has a light and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.
Do not walk behind me, for I might not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just leave me the hell alone.
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