SMURFS ATTACK!

One bright midsummer’s afternoon, two families sat happily down to a friendly picnic in the sun.

Less than a blink of an eye later, the bulk of the spread lay decimated as Goku licked his lips contentedly and relaxed against a tree, hands behind his head.

"Go-ku," Chichi grated in exasperation, "That was meant to be for everyone, not just you!"

Gohan laughed as heartily as he dared in front of his mortified mother, and ceased at the poisonous glare she sent his way. But his laughter was infectious, and soon the little clearing was filled with the chortling of his brother, his father’s oldest friend Krillin, and the little blonde girl on his lap.

Juuhachi-gou narrowed her eyes to slits and crinkled her nose in distaste.

"Well, that was disgusting."

Krillin stopped laughing.

"Aw man, now what’re we gonna eat?" he wailed in distress.

Chichi sighed, shrugged her shoulders and made for the car, returning with another huge picnic basket.

"Thankfully, I came prepared." She set the basket down and began to unpack its delicious smelling contents. Goku’s eyes brightened – he was still hungry.

He reached out one hand to pick up a pie closest to him, and yelped as Chichi smacked his hand sharply.

"Don’t even think about it, mister! You already ate half the picnic, and you’re not having any more. Get me?"

"B-bu-"

"No ‘buts’. Just sit there quietly and wait for us to finish." The hurt puppy-eyed look he gave in utter despair met a complete brick wall.

My gosh, she means it this time. What am I going to do now? He folded his arms and looked mournfully at the picnic. Scanning the area, his eyes fell on the empty picnic basket.

Inching towards it with his fingertips, Goku grasped one handle and inconspicuously slipped on hand into it, feeling for anything that Chichi might have missed putting out.

His eyes widened as he encountered a lump. It was soft, but not too soft, and warm as toast. Chichi left a cream bun in here! Yip-ee-ee!

He closed his fist around it, and took the bun slowly out of its hiding place, bringing it closer to his mouth. Almost there, almost got it…

"Goku? What are you doing, exactly?" Chichi threw over her shoulder without bothering to look.

Goku hurriedly shoved his prize behind his back and groped for something else to show her.

"Um, just making a rock pile," he held up a pebble triumphantly.

Maybe I should let him come back after all, starvation seems to be going to his head, Chichi thought. Nah, let him get a taste of his own medicine for once!

Letting out his breath in a sigh of relief, Goku quickly shoved the cream bun into his mouth, barely bothering to chew before he swallowed.

Moments later he regretted eating the bun so quickly – his stomach complained loudly, still not full. Failing anything else, he leant back against the tree and thought.

Hmm, that bun was good…but it did taste kind of funny…"OW!" as a small projectile cracked him between the eyes. He rubbed the sore place uncomfortably as a shrill voice yelled at him:

"You monster! YOU JUST ATE PAPA SMURF!"

"What? What’s a ‘Smurf’? Who said that?" Goku looked around frantically, searching for the source of the voice.

"Down here, baka!" another angry little voice chimed in.

The harassed Saiyan glanced down near his foot as it was gripped with a sharp, stinging pain. Daisy Smurf lifted her tiny machine gun and resumed shooting his boot.

"AAAH! The mushrooms are trying to kill me! Chichi! Krillin! HELP ME!"

Chichi sighed audibly.

"Alright Goku, you can have something to eat, just stop talking nonsense."

"But Chichi, I’m serious! There’s little blue walking mushrooms, one of them has a gun and it’s shooting my foot," Goku shrieked at his wife’s back, desperate to get her attention.

Shifting in her father’s lap, Marron giggled delightedly and clapped her chubby hands.

"Don’t worry, sweetie," Chichi crooned, brushing the blonde pigtails, "Uncle Goku has just gone bananas. And he can stay where he is until he can be sensible, don’t you think?"

Marron gurgled her agreement.

Ut-oh, looks like I’m on my own, Goku thought desparingly.

"Hey! Smurf Killer!" Brainy Smurf had arrived on the scene with a pint-sized bullhorn.

"Smurf killer? Where’s the Smurf Killer?" Goku looked around desperately. "And, um…what’s a Smurf?" He rubbed his neck in a familiar gesture of confusion.

"I’m a Smurf," Brainy boomed through the bullhorn. "And you just ate Papa!"

Goku cocked his head in confusion.

"Papa Smurf? Nah, I just ate a cream bun. It tasted kinda funny, but that was because it’s been in the sun."

"Tot! Papa Smurf was in that basket, and now he’s gone! You ate him!" Grumpy Smurf threatened Goku with one tiny blue fist. "Cough him up now! Don’t make me come up there."

"But—But—I—"

"Surround him!" bellowed Happy Smurf, donning a bandana, gun belt, and a maniacal scowl. From nowhere in particular, Goku soon found himself encircled by angry looking blue mushroomy-things.

"Say your prayers, Smurf-eater!" snarled Chef Smurf, removing his hat and drawing a cleaver.

Goku began to whimper, and shrunk back against the tree to avoid the teeny-weeny weapons the enraged Smurfs had drawn. Grumpy Smurf hauled himself up on Goku’s chest, drew back his fist, and…

"STOP IT! STOP IT NOW!" a none-too-pleased male voice yelled.

Saved at last, thought Goku with relief.

Daisy Smurf put down her machine gun, and along with her other companions, cried:

"Oh my gosh! It’s Papa Smurf! And what’s he doing behind that bush?"

"Darn right it is," he snapped from afar. "Um, I mean, my little Smurfs! What are you doing to this poor man?"

"Where are you, Papa? I can’t see you anywhere. When we looked last, you were searching through that big basket, and then he ate you," Brainy Smurf cried.

"I was in the basket. I found a cream bun, and it didn’t…go down too well," Papa grumbled, coming out of the bushes and adjusting his little Smurf-pants. "Now, apologise to this poor man, and we’d best go home before Gargamel finds us."

"We’re sorry," fifty or-so voices piped. Goku grinned at them.

"Nah, it’s okay. Bye now!" he added, calling out to the retreating line of blue shoulders and white hats.

Chichi looked up from the pile of items she’d repacked, ready to go home.

"Goku, who are you talking to?"

"The Smurfs," he replied, matter-of-factly. "They thought I ate their papa, but it was only a bun, and they were going to kill me, and then…Chichi? Are you listening?"

"Goku, I promise I’ll never deny you food again. Just please stop talking about Smurfs, okay?" Chichi ran her hands through her hair and got in the car, ready to leave.

Goku shrugged.

"Alright."

In the car on the way home, Goku searched through the picnic baskets one more time, looking for some morsel or another to take the edge off his hunger. His fingers clasped around something warm and soft.

"Ooh, cream bun! Alright!" he stuffed it in his mouth, and sat back to think. But if that was the cream bun, then what the heck…?

Back in the Smurf village, Daisy Smurf rapped on Papa Smurf’s door.

"Papa, have you seen Sleepy Smurf? We’ve been searching for hours, and we can’t find him anywhere!"

Papa thought hard.

"Last time I saw him was—uh-oh…"