Kill the Beast

Sports, Politics and Entertainment

 

Sunday, June 1^st, 2008

 

Politics

Russians, Pipelines and Poppies –Fritz Kenwood

            There’s a war going on right now in Afghanistan, though few people really know why. After all, the Afghan Nation isn’t much more than a pile of rocks in a wasteland that lies between Pakistan, Iran and the former Soviet Union. Yet there has been a war on and off there for the better part of thirty years. To understand why, you should watch “Charlie Wilson’s War” and “James Bond: The World is Not Enough”. Or you can read on.

            The country’s international strategic importance really begins back in the 1800s, when the Tsarist Russian Empire was edging its south through the rocky badlands of Afghanistan toward the Crown Jewel of the British Empire, India. This threat, of the Russian Empire reaching the coast of the Indian Ocean, was enough to fuel over a hundred years of open hostility between the two European giants. While no war was ever fought in Afghanistan itself, its geographic position made it, for the first time, a matter of political importance in nations and governments that had never been to the country or met on of its citizens. Indeed, back then, Afghanistan was less a nation than it was a region.

            After the dissolution of the British Empire and the declaration of Indian independence in the 1950s, Afghanistan was again inconsequential. Inconsequential, that is, until the 1980s, when Russia, now under the rule of Soviet Communism, once again made an effort to annex the region. India had long since lost importance in geo-politics. The Persian Gulf and access to the oil fields of Iraq and Saudi Arabia were what the Soviets were after. They were only fought off by paramilitary Afghani soldiers supplied with modern weaponry by the United States of America.

            The Taliban, as the victorious Afghan paramilitary group was to call itself, assumed control of the country and maintained it until the fall of 2001. After the attack on the World Trade Center in New York in September of that year, the United States and its allies invaded Taliban Afghanistan and deposed the government there. While some critics, such as Michael Moore have suggested this invasion was again motivated by oil hungry governments, it seems more likely the target was and is heroin producing poppy fields. The sale of the narcotics produced in Afghanistan fund the anti-Western paramilitary groups believed to have planned and carried out the WTC attacks. Since the newly established democratic Afghan government lacks the manpower, know-how, and perhaps simply the will-power to prevent heroin production, the U.S. and its allies have had to maintain a sizable, yet usually ineffective military presence it country ever since.

 

Sports

NHL Bizarre-O World – Christopher Alberta

            Sometimes it seems like the suits who run the National Hockey League just don’t know what they’re doing. The report released earlier this week which reveals the Canadian hockey franchises make more money than their American counterparts came as little surprise. The surprise is the League’s apparent unwillingness to put more franchises north of the border and get rid of the moribund southern teams that clog up the standings and the schedule year after year.

            No one wanted to see the Pittsburgh Penguins move. The team has been around since expansion began and has captured two Stanley Cups while captained by “Super Mario” Lemieux. So when Research In Motion owner Jim Balsillie tried to buy the team and relocate it to Southern Ontario in the winter of 2006, we were quite relieved by his failure.

            The same cannot be said for Balsillie’s attempt to do the same to Nashville Predators. The Predators, as a franchise, have never made money since entering the league. Their former owner, Craig Leopold, put the team up for sale in the spring of 2007. Balsillie’s offer, tens of millions more than the offer Leopold eventually agreed to with someone else, was, in a bizarre twist, refused. There are a couple of theories as to the reason for this decidedly un-capitalist turn of events. First, NHL commissioner Gary Bettman, it is believed, doesn’t like Balsillie on a personal level. This may be true, but the Predator’s sale wasn’t Bettman’s decision to make. So it’s believed Bettman told Leopold to sell to the other bidder and, since the bid was lower than Balsillie’s, Leopold, with Bettman’s help, then bought the Minnesota Wild at a reduced price. This theory seems to hold water, but doesn’t explain what Bettman gets out of it. He really did all this just to keep Balsillie out of the NHL owner’s circle? And why, when the value of every franchise improves if the Predators sell for more, would the other owners be in favour of keeping Balsillie out. Is he really that bad? Some conspiracy theorists suggest the evil Toronto Maple Leafs wouldn’t want Balsillie cutting into their market share (a reasonable assumption), while others think Bettman just hates Canada.

            This second theory fits the facts but is less practical, which is why the NHL’s position seems so bizarre. Bettman is the commissioner that watched over the Winnipeg Jets move to Arizona and the Quebec Nordique’s move to Colorado. But, given the fact that even in a salary capped league, teams like the Atlanta Thrashers, the Predators and the Phoenix Coyotes continue to lose money, it’s a wonder Bettman isn’t screaming for one or more teams to move north of the border, where even the small towns of Edmonton and Ottawa can support profitable franchises. Is Bettman really that spiteful? Not only is he willing to deny admittance to an ambitious, young and wealthy would-be owner, but he refuses to see the forest for the trees and put more pro-hockey up north. Despite Quebec City’s and Winnipeg’s lack of corporate support, one would think they could turn the Thrashers and Predators into businesses that at least break even. There must be more to this than just personal grudges against Canada and Jim Balsillie, but unless the problem is just incompetence, it’s hard to see what it really is.

 

Entertainment

Who’s this guy Atmosphere? – Topxes Sexpot

            A guy walks into the “Blue Moon” pub on Queen St. East in Toronto, Ontario and asks, “who is this Atmosphere guy playing next door?” Next door, hundreds of anxious hip-hop fans crowd the floor for the delayed release part/concert for Atmosphere’s latest release, When Life Gives You Lemons, You Turn That Shit Gold. Most of them have known for years the answer to the guy in the bar’s question.

            Atmosphere has spent the last decade creating a new frontier in the hip-hop game. No longer is it just Jay-Z and DMX in New York, Snoop Dogg and Dr. Dre in Los Angeles, Eminem in Detroit and Nelly in Atlanta. Now the American Mid-West has a champion rap group in the Minnesota based Atmosphere. Lead singer Slug and beat-man Ant both hail from the Twin-Cities area and have started a new-brand of rap that mysteriously doesn’t get on any radio stations.

            Maybe it’s because the lyrics make sense (or more likely because it’s released on an independent label), but it’s very doubtful you’ll hear any part of When Life Gives You Lemons on the radio. If you want to try out a few tracks, download “Glass House”, “Puppets” and “Guarantee”.

            At the Toronto album debut, originally set for April 24^th, but rescheduled for May 28^th due to border problems, Slug had a special plan to make up for the only show he’s ever missed. Mid-West counterpart, the albino rapper, Brother Ali burst onto the stage and ripped through the first three or four numbers to give the assembled hip-hop fans a serious kick in the ass. These guys leave it all out there, with the most memorable song being the obscure “Rooster” about a pair of couples’ night at a bar. Even if you don’t like rap, it’s hard to dislike the mix of guitar riffs and poetry offered up from these regular joes from the most unlikely of regions. Check them out at www.rhymesayers.com

 

Horoscopes

Aries: Drink lots of water and stay away from bumblebees or you might get stung this week.

 

Taurus: Wear comfortable shoes. Wear comfortable pants. Shirts can be uncomfortable.

 

Gemini: Think long and hard about your decisions but don’t make things more complicated than they have to be. Decide what  

   you want to do and do it.

 

Cancer: Don’t think twice about jumping in with both feet. If you’re not going to go all out, don’t go at all.

 

Leo: While you might feel the urge to bare your claws and rip some throats out, history has shown patience is the best way to

         kill time.

 

Virgo: Buck up. Nothing is ever as bad as it seems and you’re really going overboard with the self-pity lately.

 

Libra: Hurry up. You’re taking way too long with something that isn’t all that important.

 

Scorpio: While starting a fight can lead to pain, sometimes things need to be shaken up before they crust over.

 

Sagittarius: Never underestimate yourself. Talent is easily cancelled out by a lack of confidence.

 

Capricorn: You will find happiness with a new love.

 

Aquarius: Stay with your wife.

 

Pisces: Find a compromise. It only has to work for now. After all, you’re not negotiating the end of World War II.