Have you Ever...?
© Yune Kyung Lee

I wanted to paint a dream.

Have you ever woken just before you see the color of another's eyes, a moment before you feel the texture of skin? And then, achingly, you raise your gaze to the glory of the sunrise, knowing that it is beautiful but knowing that there is someone out there who can surpass that. It is the disappointment of one who has lost the most precious jewel in the world without ever having worn it, the impatience of one who has waited...and waited...and waited.

And so I could not give this painting a face, or hands, or even the simple curve of a smile. The Light had yet to choose a Bondmate for me. Soon, I hoped. The yearning was a clinging ivy on the walls of my heart.

I set the brush down carefully, next to my suppressed dreams. I hadn't even set it to the paint. But even if I had glimpsed a strand of hair or an arching brow, I would never have heard the voice. If I could hear, I imagined, I would hear my name, shouted or whispered--

Silence.

That broke my thoughts. Who would Bond with a deaf unicorn?

I turned away from the easel and made my way outside to the lawn. The sun was shining cheerfully at an afternoon angle and immediately raised my spirits. I reared and saluted it with my horn. It was too bright a day to brood upon such matters.

A growing crowd caught my attention; I stood and saw Dodger and Rainshadow, obviously about to race. I found a good viewing spot, or as good as one could have gotten considering how quickly the two passed me. They were a single blur to my eyes. I was close to the oak tree they finished by, and trotted nearer to offer a bit of encouragement to Rainshadow and congratulations to the winner, but the latter didn't even notice my approach. His eyes were focused on something--someone. I saw a blond girl run to him on light feet and throw her arms about him.

A Bonding.

Wistfully, but without bitterness, I regarded them for a long while. Then I backed away to leave a few moments as their own. Envy was unworthy of them, so I turned my mind to happier thoughts.

Dodger would do well with a Bondmate, someone to ease his nervous tendencies. I wished them both well. The Light always chose best. And I reminded myself that there were always many Bondings at once. This was the first in some time. Surely there were more to come.

Have you ever felt the brush of the fragile wings of hope, as if you had stretched far and finally caught a touch of something distant and wonderful? It is the wonder of a falling star as it first sees the earth, the wild beauty of the shyest of rainbows finally glimpsed. Your mind tumbles with perhaps and what if and just maybe it's possible...

I greeted every unicorn and student I came across, even the ones I did not know. Some shared a bit of gossip while others watched me with naked longing I could not answer. A few tried to talk to me, and I had to stop them gently and explain that they would have to write what they wanted to say. It was all right. Only early in the morning, when the pain was raw from tantalizing dreams, did it upset me.

A breeze stirred my mane the way one would ruffle a small boy's hair in approval. I followed it to a secluded spot, where I could think my thoughts and reflect on anything from the weather to my next painting. I settled myself in the grass and let my eyes follow the meandering path of a bold butterfly. It landed on my nose and I went very still. Finding no flower, it wandered off again. I felt as if it had been carrying a tiny piece of joy and unloaded it on me. I thought it could not hurt to spread it, so I memorized the brilliant colors. I could use the canvas to paint the delicate insect, instead. It would be better than staring at the blankness and wonder what kind of face could fill it.

I rose, ready to take up the brush again, but it was well into evening now. I watched the sky fade and then decided to head for the stables. A miracle could happen tomorrow as easily as it could today.

As soon I stepped inside, though, I found myself facing people and 'corns, obviously involved in a party. Feet gliding in dancing steps, heads thrown back in laughter, lips parted in conversation, fingers plucking the strings of an instrument, fine clothes shouting in every color, horns glinting in the light... I nearly backed into a student who was trying to enter.

Several mindvoices spoke to me: {{Silence!}} Not the way I imagined my Bondmate would say it, but I was pleased at the greetings. One unicorn apologized for not telling me about the party while another told me that it was in honor of Dodger and Sasha's Bonding. I sorted out the voices and responded to each, but they soon faded as others sought their attention.

Awkwardly, I made my way to an unoccupied corner where I would not be in anyone's way. I exchanged words with a few, but like at all parties, I ended up alone. For the Bondeds' sake--was that Ice with a brown-haired youth?--I did not wish to leave. Many were speaking to them, and I hoped for a chance to offer some small rejoicing of my own.

As I waited, there was an elusive scent, one I was sure I knew and loved--a lemon tart! I had forgotten in my loneliness that there was food to be eaten. I turned to seek the source and saw...

Blue eyes. The color of the sea, a sea deep enough for me to drown in...and with sudden clarity, I could hear. I might have said something. I couldn't hear my own words through the soft swell of music, the lilting of voices, the trill of birdsong, the swift beating of my heart as it leapt in joy.

Have you ever heard a word, a single word, that silences all other sounds? The rest of the world does not matter, never mattered, will not matter. It is the joy of a waterfall that roars down a cliff, the steady wind beneath the wings of a young bird flying for the first time. The silver moon, curled like the most content of smiles. The satin sweetness of sound!

A word, a single word.

LIADRI.

And with the name I knew her, and she knew me. Everything. I knew her past (the worn streets of Sieta), her dreams (the broken body of her father), her sorrows (the pale face of her mother), her loves--

And in that darkest and deepest of oceans, something surfaced. The greatest of her loves. A reflection. Me. With all my faults and failures. How gentle and beautiful and rare she was!

{{I love you,}} I said, and I dared to touch her. And then there was the warmth of her arms about her neck and the damp of tears in my mane and her thoughts twining with mine forevermore.

Have you ever known the end, the fulfillment, of a dream? Have you ever gazed into her eyes and felt the softness of her fingertips? Have you ever heard the music of her voice? Have you ever known there is a face to fill the blankness of canvas and a person to fill the gap in your life? Have you shared every moment of her life? Will you always? It is the miracle of love. It is the miracle of Bonding.